Detectiveguapo3 - Rebecca

Music To Watch Boys To

Chapter 4: Born To Die 

Saturday, October 25, 2014 

1:22 am

You were still in the car with Amaro, staking out the abandoned building that Michaelis walked into almost an hour ago. Nick’s phone rings, “It’s Fin.” After he hangs up he says, “Barba managed to wake up a judge, they’re at the hotel with CSU. They’ll let us know if they find anything incriminating.”  You get a text, it’s from Chase so you ignore it. You’re not avoiding him, You’re just working. Your phone rings, and you send it to voicemail. 

“Aren’t you going to get that?” Nick asks.

“It’s not important, I can reply later.” You reply, hoping he gets the hint to drop it. You turn on the radio, One Direction plays in the background.

“So, you don’t like him?”

I guess Nick wants to talk. “What makes you think I don’t?”

“You said the date was fine.” 

“Well, we were interrupted…”, you reply playfully.

“You’ve known him for a while, you never felt anything for him?”

“Well, I don’t know what that would feel like, I never had a serious relationship.” And I've never been in love or had sex with anyone else. I'd never admit that you weren’t sure if it was worse to be a prude or to be a slut.

“Do you feel safe with him? Do you think you could wake up in his arms for the rest of your life and feel like you belong?”

“Nick, it's the first date. I’m not marrying the guy,” you laugh; “besides he makes pretty good coffee.” you add jokingly.

There was a look in his eyes, but it was gone before you could decipher. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.

You sit in silence for eternity. Although the clock shows only ten minutes have passed. Nick’s phone rings. “Fin again.” he observes before answering. “They found the victim’s hair in this room, do you have your gun?”

You pull your firearm out of your purse, “Always.”

You and Amaro had begun searching the building. The first floor was empty. “He’s probably in the basement, upstairs doesn’t offer any coverage.” Nick starts towards the basement. You enter what you reckon is an old locker room, it's dark and you can’t find a light switch.  You turn a corner and see a shadow move. Crap I’m gonna die in a basement because of my stupidity. At least I look hot. You try to back away quietly, then you hear Nick call for you. “I’m over here!” you yell back. Not so famous last words. In a split second the shadow lunges at you but before you can react, Nick slams him into the nearby locker. It’s Dean Michaelis. Nick tells him he’s under arrest and reads him his Miranda Rights as you cuff him. 

Dean starts protesting, “What are you stalking me now? I’m an American, you can’t treat me like a thug!”

Nick remarks, “You might want to exercise your right to shut up.”

You ignore them as you continue in the darkness, you eventually find a light switch; then, an ajar locker. You open it and gasp, it contains blood-filled clothes, broken phones, jewelry, and other accessories. Trophies. “We need CSU over here.”

An hour later, it’s raining and Nick is dropping you to your apartment. You’re exhausted but so happy the case is going to trial. Dean kept requesting to cut a deal, not realizing there was enough evidence to prove he was guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. 

Nick stops the car in front of your building and casually asks, “So are you going to text that guy back?”

Why does he remember that? “Maybe. I just want to sleep right now.” I don’t want to think about anything now.

“You don’t seem sure about him.”

“I don’t have to know right away.”

“Yeah I know, it's just… I want you to be happy. He might…”

 “He might what?”

“He might not be right for you.” 

Saint Nick knows best, who am I to question his infinite wisdom? “You don’t even know him.”

“I know you. I know you don’t think you deserve good things but you shouldn’t settle.” 

I should’ve known my big mouth would come back to bite me in the ass. You want to die of embarrassment yet you try to smile, “This is different, I’m happy I promise.” Liar liar, dress on fire. “I’m just tired.”

“Hmm.” He doesn’t believe me.

“Do you think it’s gonna stop raining soon?”

“You love the rain.”

“Yeah, from the comfort and safety of my bed.”

He starts rifling through the back seat.

“What are you doing?”

“Zara left her umbrella back here a few days ago.”

When he finds the umbrella, he opens his door and the umbrella. Then he comes over to your side and opens the door, “I wouldn’t want you getting wet,” 

Well, I am.

“and catching a cold.”

There was something so hot about a grown man holding a Frozen umbrella.

He walks you up the stairs to your building, while holding the umbrella over the both of you.

I could fuck him hard, right here in the pouring rain. “Thank you.” He turns to face you, your noses would touch if you tiptoed. You want to kiss him. He starts to lean down. He’s going to kiss me! Am I dreaming? Then, you panic. Oh no, he’s going to kiss me. This won’t end well. You wish you could just turn your brain off. I’m just going to say good night and leave before it becomes awkward. You move away from the umbrella and stand under the roof of the entrance. “Ciao.” What the fuck. “Uh, good night.” You walk away, not wanting to look him in the eyes.

You take off your heels in the elevator and check your phone. You see a missed call from Chase and two messages. 

“I’m headed to ur place right now”

“I’m outside, are u ok??”

He’s sitting outside your door with your coat on his lap and as you get closer, you realize he’s asleep. You can feel the guilt churning inside you. He jolts awake and stands up before you reach your apartment.

“Chase, hey I’m so sorry I got so caught up with work.” He pulls you in for a hug and kisses your hair.

He stares at the coat you’re wearing, Nick’s coat but he doesn’t mention it. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Nick saved me from almost getting my ass kicked by a serial predator but I won’t mention that. “We caught the bad guy in the end.”

“That’s good.” he says as he hands you your coat.

“Do you want to come inside?” Please say no, I’m so not in the mood to have sex with you.

“If it's okay with you, it's a long drive back home.” There’s that guilty feeling again. Cool. Cool cool cool.

Music To Write Boys To

Chapter 6: High Infidelity

Saturday, November 15, 2014

10:47 pm

You follow them into the ladies' room and drag Nick into a stall so you can listen. Just focus, I can’t afford to get distracted by Nick right now. Nick and the way his arms were on either side of me against the wall. Then, you hear the women talking.

“I heard from Stacy that someone sicced the police on Charlie.” One of the women says.

“Oh my! For what reason?”

“Apparently, he beats Diane.”

“He’s from down south, I wouldn’t put it past him.”

“She always seems so happy and put together. I just don’t know what to make of it.”

“My hubby tells me that Charlie is one of them gun nuts. I don’t trust that kind of people. There are rumors that they argue plenty.”

“Couples argue all the time.”

“The help hears everything and they gossip. They hear him yelling and breaking things.”

You hear the stall door opening, you panic and turn to Nick. Crap I should’ve thought this through. “Kiss me.” You whisper to him, hoping he just goes along with it. He doesn't hesitate. You run your hands through his hair as he presses his body impossibly close to yours. You can taste the champagne on his tongue, you moan as he bites your lip. You start kissing his neck as you reach for his belt buckle.

“Is someone there?” The women ask.

You pull away from each other, flustered. 

You step out of the stall, speechless. Nick stands behind you, attempting to wipe the lipstick stains from his face but essentially making it worse. “I’m so sorry, I uh…” You stumble for an excuse. At least this looks realistic and awkward enough that they won’t ask questions.

“Oh.” They laugh. “Do you remember how it was when you first got engaged Anne? I could barely keep my clothes on.” 

The car ride back to the precinct is silent. “Well, that was a bust.” You announce breaking the tension.

Nick rubs his face, “What do we tell Benson?” You shrug.

“Can we talk about what happened?” Nick asks.

“In the bathroom? I panicked. I’m sorry.”

“Do you regret it?”

“We just doing our job.” Terribly. We really fucked up. Casualty count? One. This partnership.

“And in the ballroom?” 

“We were acting the part.” But if we’re pointing fingers, YOU kissed ME!

“If you had to do it all over, would you do it again?”

You glare at him, “What?”

“It’s a simple question, would you kiss me like that again?”

“When would this ever happen again?”

“But if it did?”

“It wouldn’t.”

“Let’s just pretend it did.” Nick says exasperatedly.

“No.”

He glances over at you, “What about the other night?”

You fiddle with your necklace, “What about it?”

“Were we just ‘doing our job’ then?”

You cross your arms over your chest, “Nothing happened.” Was he checking me out? You drop your arms and sit up, “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Fine.” After a minute he mutters, “I think you would.”

You raise one eyebrow and he continues, “I think you would kiss me again.” You open your mouth to say something but decide against it, instead you stare out the window. 

After briefing Olivia together, Nick drove you home. He said nothing to you the entire time. Your thoughts were preoccupied with wishing this night never happened and wanting to jump out of the car to avoid the tension. You realize you’re still wearing the stupid ring as you enter your apartment. You take it off and slip it into your jacket. Nick’s jacket. Fuck I might as well clear a part of my closet for his clothes. You were so angry. You weren’t entirely sure if you were mad at yourself for being so stupid—or Nick Amaro, for being so stubborn. And for making me love him. UGH, I hate him. You didn’t. You take off your heels and start to walk towards the bathroom when you hear a knock at the door. Maybe he came to his senses and wanted to apologize. You unlock the door to see Chase. “Why do you have a phone if you don’t bother to pick it up?”

“I was working.” You state matter of factly.

“You never make time for me. You’re always too busy to watch me perform. I’m at your beck and call. I thought this time might be different.”

“I know this might be hard for you to grasp but my life doesn’t revolve around you. I’m a cop! I can’t just say, ‘no thanks, no crime for me today’. And what do you mean by ‘this time’?”

“I’m not even a part of your life. Do you want to be with me?”

No. I don’t know. “I just think maybe we’re moving too fast. What do you mean by ‘this time’?” 

He begins to pace,  “I’ve waited for years for you to be ready. When you joined the academy, we lost touch and I moved on. Then, you just texted me out of the blue. I thought maybe you were ready to grow up.”

Ouch. “I didn’t make you come over that night. I didn’t make you date me. I didn’t ask you to ‘wait’ for me. I’m all grown up, you’re the one throwing a fucking tantrum.” You’re so close to crying, tonight had been shitty enough without this bullshit.

“I just hoped you were done acting like a drunk slut. What are you running from?”

You were too stunned to reply so you try justifying yourself instead, “I’m not running from anything.”

“Maybe you’re running from yourself. Do you hate yourself that much?”

“Shut up.”

“Were you with him?” 

“What are you implying?”

He gets close to your face, “I”m gonna ask you this once, are you fucking him?”

“I don’t have to defend myself on something that didn’t happen.” Okay, so I bent the truth a little. You open your front door and tell him to get out. When he’s gone, you grab a bottle of vodka from the back of the cabinet. You turn the bathtub facet on and get in. You hate Chase and you want to hate Amaro. You feel confused and angry but underneath that, you just feel fucking empty. You couldn’t even force yourself to cry after all that happened so instead you take a swig from the bottle. What am I running from?

I feel like I’m missing something that everyone else has

photographs taken 0.0001 seconds before disaster

Mike Dodds. That's it. That's the tweet.

did u mean: daddy?

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