Taylor Swift Is Probably Not Even That Fast

im kinda chill w anything

for whatever reason tumblr has flagged this post from a deleted blog as explicit so I can't even reblog it anymore which is a shame because it's one of my absolute favorites

think i’m gonna call it off,

even if i drink a duff,

i just wanna love someone who calls me ‘homie’

you can have an eldest son named bart,

drink a couple duffs cause you’re homer simpson

you can say that lisa’s very smart

drink another duff cause you’re homer simpson

good luck bart

well good luck bart

you have to stop at moe’s cause you’re homer simpson

good luck bart

well good luck bart

you have a wife called marge cause you’re homer simpson

i get into a horrific car accident while carrying a crock pot full of meatballs in the passenger seat. at the hospital, the surgeons cannot sort out which chunks of meat are me and which are not, so I end up with several meatballs sewn into my guts. despite this I make a full recovery, and they elect not to remove the meatballs because quote 'they seem comfy in there.' i go on the talk show circuit and become moderately famous as The Meatballs Woman. when i die i am buried under a gravestone with meatballs carved on it. in the year 2438, a grad student from what is now Cambodia who is studying the late pre-collapse American Empire writes her thesis on this, concluding that I probably never existed and was a conflation of several real stories and urban legends. years later, a pop-history book wildly misinterprets this and several other things, arguing for the existence of a historic American religious pantheon including figures like The Meatballs Woman, Florida Man, Emperor Norton, etc. this book sells bizarrely well and inspires a new neo-pagan movement, which in turn leads to a weird shipping community, resulting in a small but vibrant scene of ABO fics featuring me and MrBeast (who in this context has been interpreted as a god of excess and trickery)

this chilling scenario is only one of the multiple reasons I am going to attempt to not crash my car today

Dont sell my girl no weed bruh, u sell it to me, i will give it to her. My girl come home, and already gotta dub bag of chronic, im not smokin with her, cause i know she fucked. Dont even drive ya girl to go get the weed “babe ima run upstairs n get it” she up there for 10-15mins u sick! If the weed dealer fuck ya girl, u gotta snitch on his whole operation b. Let me find out the weed dealer fucked my hunny, dawg im in the detective office, givin out DIMES. And while im snitchin, im throwin my girl under the bus! “Yes officer my girlfriend cops a ounce from him on every 1st sunday, in the apt on the third floor apt 3c”. And when the cops go in for the bust, im makin a citizens arrest! Cops bust in the door, catch ya girl in there butt ass naked choppin up her ounce, weed dealer tkin a shower. Detects bring u in “we got him son!….but we found ya gf in there also, she might be lookin @ 8yrs” u sickkk. U goin to the trial, ya gf in shackles cryin, u just hurt dawg! But u gotta stay strong cause she cheated on u. Weed dealer in jail HOT u snitched, nigga tellin his mans to smoke u! Weed dealer got his niggas outside ya moms house in blk vans, ya mom in the kitchen fryin chicken, they bust in the door. Pot of chicken fall on the floor, moms screamin. U at ya moms funeral, weed dealer got his niggas outside, they lettin the choppa rip! Pastor shot, grandmoms passed out. Bullet fly thru the casket hit ya moms in the rib, u hear her say “ouch” u cryin but confused cause u thought she was dead