Dissociatedbi - This Blog Is My Therapist's Idea

“And I don’t think anybody should feel bad if they get diagnosed with a mental illness, ’cause it’s just information about you that helps you to know how to take better care of yourself.

“Being bipolar, there’s nothing wrong with it. Being bipolar is like not knowing how to swim. It might be embarrassing to tell people, and it might be hard to take you certain places. But they have arm floaties. And if you just take your arm floaties, you can go wherever the hell you want.

“And I know some of you are like, ‘But Taylor, what if people judge me for taking arm floaties?’ Well, those people don’t care if you live or die, so maybe who cares? Maybe fuck those people a little. I don’t know.”

Taylor Tomlinson, Look At You (2022)

on friends and soulmates and that type of love that feels like it's going to burst right out of your heart

@/zmije / @/leptodiera / @/bichopalo / lyrics from two best friends by bb bean / animatedjames on youtube / @/killingmyselfbutnotdying / unknown / @/sadiekane / friedrich neitzsche / katfish draws / @/elytrians / @/wormbus-art aka @/angel-pond / @/mushysuggestion / the unsent project / mhairi mcfarlane / unknown

"disability only exists because the world isnt accessible" idk how to tell you this but chronic pain still hurts

When you’ve been severely ill throughout your early adulthood, it means coming up against this again and again:

OTHER PERSON My 20s were wild – copious amounts of alcohol, partying, having sex with multiple people… SEVERELY ILL PERSON Yeah, mine too – copious amounts of herbal tea, being too exhausted to dance or have sex…

OTHER PERSON (a brief what-the-fuck expression passes over their face before they continue as before) Uh huh, so like travelling, starting new jobs, moving in with partners SEVERELY ILL PERSON Emergency trips to hospital, being too ill to work or go on dates OTHER PERSON (looks momentarily confused, then carries on as if SEVERELY ILL PERSON has not spoken) Going outside every day, holidays with friends, being carefree SEVERELY ILL PERSON Being bedbound/sofabound/housebound and stuck indoors, extreme social isolation, the crushing enormity of chronic illness grief and medical trauma OTHER PERSON ?! OTHER PERSON … OTHER PERSON (as before: enthusiastically begins a story about their dating/romantic/sex life as if SEVERELY ILL PERSON has not said anything at all)

Something I haven't seen spoken about a lot is the psychological impact of being chronically ill and experiencing horrific symptoms, and knowing that literally no one can help you.

I could call a doctor, but I already know what's wrong. There's literally nothing they can do for me. And I can't afford to go just for reassurance.

I'm just in a flare and sometimes it's Like This. And you just have to swallow symptoms that live in the nightmares of well people, because you can't just have an emotional breakdown every time you're in a flare.

So I'm in horrible pain and distress, and I can't call for help, because no one can help me, and I have to act like it's fine, so I don't worry other people who get Very Upset that I can't just Fix It

And there's just a deep psychological burden in that, that I don't think well and able bodied people ever really think about.

Fuck fuck fuck.

So I'm visiting my grandma today which means I'm also visiting my stepmom, who doesn't believe 80% of my trauma even happened.

A series of very fucking unfortunates events has taken place. The details are unnecessary. But I'm triggered as all fuck and TRAPPED here until my bus comes, then trapped on the bus for 2.5 hours. All the while I have to pretend I'm fine, like I'm not experiencing feelings about the triggers, like I'm not fighting for my life to keep from dissociating, like my dissociated parts aren't freeeeaking out.

I am so mentally unwell it's making me nauseous.

I hate this fucking place and my fucking brain and my fucking trauma and this fucking disorder. Hate hate hate.