I Was Thinking About The Whole “Humans Are Space Orcs Thing” And I Got An Idea.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEANDERTHAL CHILD WITH DOWN'S SYNDROME? Because they're all I've been thinking about when I'm sad for the past few days. Their existence makes me less sad.

You sometimes wonder if the demons end up in your room at night because somehow they know that you no longer prefer to wake up alone.

Ever since you started living at the House of Lamentation, you have gotten used to finding one or more of them there with you. A friendly face, a gentle touch, the warm body of someone who cared for you, someone you cared for in return.

They all arrive in their own unique ways.

Mammon, who always crashes through your door so easily during the day, sneaks in quietly at night. Most of the time he doesn't wake you. But if he does, he gets flustered and starts to leave until you ask him to stay.

"Of course ya want the Great Mammon to stay with ya," he says. Even in the darkness, you know he's blushing as he says it.

If you whine with nightmares, he'll kiss your head, pull you closer, and whisper that it'll be all right. And instantly the nightmares dissipate.

You never have nightmares when Belphie is around, either. He shows up in your dreams himself, fighting off the terrors with an energy you never see in him when he's awake.

He'll snuggle up to you any time and any place, but most often he finds you at night. He's impossible to disturb, even if you kick him in your sleep. You sometimes wake to find him in strange positions.

Asmo always rearranges him if they both end up with you on the same night.

"You won't get quality sleep like this," he says. "And you need quality sleep if you want to have quality skin!"

When he's alone, Asmo will come in only to stare at you fondly for a while. You know he never intends to stay. It's just a little peek at his favorite sleeping human. But then he finds he can't tear himself away. You'll wake up with his lips pressed against your cheek, as he always wants to kiss you in his sleep.

You sometimes have dreams about eating something, but in the morning you find it's because Beel was there having a midnight snack before falling asleep beside you. He likes to hold you close, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you against his chest. You wake up in the middle of the night sometimes because it feels like being held by a furnace.

Although these are the brothers you wake up to most often, you'll find the others come around sometimes, too.

Satan will crawl into bed with you directly, without hesitation, but you know he's embarrassed about the need to be next to you. He'll hold you tightly, like he's afraid to let go. If you ask him what's wrong, he'll tell you, but it's always muffled because he's pressing his face into your neck.

"I'm irritated and I can't calm down enough to sleep," he says. "You always… "

You brush your fingers through his hair soothingly. "I know," you say. Because you do. You know that your presence relaxes him in a way nothing else does.

The ever elusive Levi only stops in when you're alone. He won't join any of his brothers and half the time, he's still awake in his room, binging anime or gaming into the wee hours. You pretend to be asleep if you know he's lingering outside your door because then he'll finally come inside.

He'll stand there and look at you, like he's just dropping in for a moment. He tells himself he'll always leave before you wake up, but that never happens. You deliberately shift yourself to be inviting, creating a space for him beside you. If he's here, he likely needs to rest, to shut off his mind for a little while, to indulge in his desire to be close to you when no one else is around. He blushes the whole time, but he does crawl beneath your covers and rest his head on your chest.

And then there's Lucifer.

The other brothers are constantly going in and out of your room. They have gaming competitions there and movie marathons. Sometimes they gather to do homework with you. Sometimes it's only one or two of them. And you always find one sleeping beside you.

Lucifer rarely takes part in these activities. He's always holed up in his office, working. He waits for you to come to him.

But every once in a while, you'll wake to find him kneeling beside your bed, his hand in your hair or resting on your cheek. Like he came in to check on you and couldn't resist a soft caress. His presence inevitably wakes you. And if you reach out, if you grab his hand, if you hold onto him, he'll give in and stay.

His most vulnerable moments are when he lies down in your bed beside you and lets himself run his fingers along your skin. He'll kiss your forehead and your eyelids, a tender gesture that speaks volumes.

And every morning, no matter who is with you when you wake, you find yourself next to someone who loves you. It becomes your favorite way to start the day. And somehow, every demon living in the House of Lamentation is aware of this. They make sure you're never sleeping alone.

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

🎤Hair ties🦎

Imagine: playing with the hair of the Madrigal twins.

🦎🎤☀🦎🎤☀🦎🎤☀🦎🎤☀🎤🦎☀🎤🦎☀🎤🦎

🦎☀ • Camilo doesn't really let anyone touch his hair, well besides his mamí. But he doesn't get a choice in that one, mostly because he is a mama's boy and can't deny his mama when she asks to brush his hair for old time's sake.

🦎☀ • When you both started dating he was ready to give you the hairbrush and any hair ties he could find in Casita, Camilo might be a natural flirt but when he falls he falls hard.

🦎☀ • he sits on the floor against his bed as he reads the new comic his Papí gave him for his birthday, leaning back as you run your fingers through his curls. He practically purrs at the feeling. It relaxes him every time.

His hair is actually very smooth and barely has any knots, mostly from the trauma he gained from his mother when he was younger about not keeping his hair well-kept as she yanked the hairbrush (if you know you know)

🦎☀ • Once you finished taking two sides of his hair and pulling each side tightening the hair tie and securing the high bun, his bangs hung around his face like his Mamí. He looked to his side stretching to see himself in his mirror from his sitting position and smiled. He liked it.

His Mamí was complimentary of his new hairstyle and was pleased to match with her son she had a rainbow over her head the rest of the day.

🦎🎤 • yeah. No. He doesn't let anyone touch his hair, and practically runs from his mamá when he sees her rushing toward him with a hairbrush, "Carlos Control that hair, or I'll do it for you!"

"No! Mamá it's my hair!"

*thunders*

🦎🎤 • When you start dating, it'll take some time before you get the privilege of touching his hair. He will try and hint at wanting his hair played with by resting his head in your lap but angles his head so his hair is perfectly in reach and accessible if you still don't get the hint? He huffs before grabbing your hair and placing it on his head.

🦎🎤 • His head rests on your lap as you both talk about your days (well, it's mostly just him braging about all the successful pranks he pulled that day) as you play with his hair. His hair is soft but has tangles for sure, no matter how many times his mamá lectured him about protecting his hair as he slept and detangling it regularly as she ripped a hairbrush through his curls before using a mountain of products to help with the detangling process it just never stuck.

But if you take the time to detangle his hair gently with few tugs as possible, he would appreciate it even if he won't say it out loud.

🦎🎤 • He barely notices his hair is in a high bun until he sits up and his hair doesn't cover one of his eyes like it usually does. He kinda just grumbles but is too lazy to untie the scrunchie knowing he would receive an earful if he just yanked it out not only from you but from his Mamá.

His mamá is very grateful for you and your service, if she had to detangle his hair one more time she was sure to thunder from his constant disregard of her words.

If MC wants someone to do a favour for them, all they have to do is go hug the character's arm, catch them off guard. Muster up the sweetest expression they can make and bat their pretty eyelashes at his questioning gaze and whisper out their wishes to him. And they're putty in your arms despite how smug they look. It works against even the difficult ones like Barbatos, Lucifer or Belphie. They WILL give into it. I guarantee it 100%. The easiest ones are, you guessed it Mammon, Levi and Beelzebub.

Please fetishize our age/experience gap, Husk, call me baby and tease me for how inexperienced I am with sex and kink, please, it's okay, I'll call you daddy and you're allowed to get a boner when I do, it's hot

There's the urban legend that some japanese companies will hire a "loud American." A person who is just there to voice complaints to the boss when others cant.

I had an idea today that alien ships might hire "The Human!" A person who is just there to just stand there and looks like the be the big, tough, indestructible threat of a being that the galaxy knows humans are.

Doesnt matter who the human is. Big or small, male or female, a tough soldier or more gentle than a newborn. They just have to be present and let the reputation of humans speak for itself.

Is the captain trying to enforce an unpopular regulation on the crew? Ask The Human to have a private meeting and voice the complaints.

Trying to sell some goods but the buyer wants to renegotiate the price to be more unfair to you? Ask The Human to be there at the negotiating table.

That jerk at the bar keeps pestering you with their mating display, because they want to be the one to fertilize your eggs wont take no for an answer? Ask The Human to escort you back to your quarters.

Not sure if the neighborhood where you're making the delivery is a safe one? Just ask that lovely human if they wouldnt mind putting down their crochet and coming with you. They might be extra thrilled if you mention they could take their pet with them, for a walk.

Leviathans Tub Headcannons

If Lucifer's licked a sorcerer's staff them I am fairly certain he's passed out in Levi's tub before

the brothers would throw snacks in Levi's tub as sacrifices to make sure he's taking care of himself

Mc is the reason the tub sacrifices are now called "Snack-rifices"

Asmodeus once put red nail polish in the tub and Levi didn't notice until he filled it up and thought it was blood

Satan will throw some manga in there

it's really just a tub of sacrifices to Levi

Leviathan cleans out his tub on the sabbath to spite God and the brothers started cleaning on the sabbath as well following Levi's example

there's a space under the tub where Levi hides his anime porn and a tablet with the accounts he uses for smutty fanfics

almost everyone has taken a nap in Levi's tub to see if it was actually comfortable

Satan was once caught sleeping in the tub curled up like a cat

Belphegor and Beelzebub throw blankets in there, just in case Levi gets cold

When Lucifer and Mammon add stuff It’s more nest shaped since they're two silly birdbrains

Leviathan is very happy that his brothers give him stuff to make sure he's ok

I'm sorry but schlatt literally scored a 71% exhibitionist and you think he *wouldn't* enjoy you sucking him off or giving him head in front of others????

Like walk in and start touching him during a chuckle sandwich recording and you'll have him whimpering and moaning in seconds, I don't make the rules.

We all know tucker and ted would enjoy the show too

God i need him