Hello, Yes, Can I Get Uhhhh An Outsiders-View Fic Of The General Crime Alley Population Slowly Gaining

Me - if I don't take these daily medicines I'm going to have side effects that include extreme nausea and vomiting

The Flu - you've already got that

Me - but I'd like it to not be worse please

Wow, I really like that old Batman storyline where a beloved member of the family is killed and everyone is devastated, only for the guy to come back from the dead and return to Gotham, blaming Batman and Robin for his death.

I'm so glad they cured him of his induced psychosis and he rejoined the family with only the occasional relapse into supervillainy.

What? Red Hood who? No, I'm talking about Alfred Pennyworth.

Imagine if, when Bruce figured out that Jason was alive and probably the Red Hood, he put on his Matches Malone fit and started spreading rumors.

"Hood? Aw, yeah, that's The Outsider's grandson. Yeah, him, he retired ages ago. He was a legend, though, right? Really gave the Bats a poundin'. Hey, Outsider's worried about his grandkid, though; thinks there might be someone else pulling the strings, yeah? Kid went missing for awhile, showed back up with all this money, all this tech. The family's worried. Outsider would pay for information. Gotham's gotta protect her own, right? And no one wants ol' Outsider to come outta retirement..."

Jason would be so??? Confused??? And upset??? That the older goons are starting to mention that he should talk to his grandfather??? That they keep mentioning him with hushed tones and respectful whispers? Alfie's worth it, of course, but why do they think he has anything to do with a vanished villain like Outsider?

The only acceptable reason for this is if this character is actually a demon who seduces men and then eats them. [source]

...who wants to bet that part of Robin-training with Bruce was micro-dosing different drugs, both on their own and mixed with drinks, so they could identify if they've ever been dosed in the field?

That would explain so much about Nightwing's "licking things" habit.

Jason is the most impregnate-able Bat because we all know by instinct that he'd rearrange his entire life to take care of his kid.

He's not just a Daddy, he's a Father. He would nurture the fuck outta that kid. He would read all the most accredited books, he'd be active on the parenting blogs, he'd be there at the PTA meetings.

Jason would be that special mix of terrified and excited to help this child grow up. He's the parent that a kid won't be too afraid to call when they've done something really stupid and they need help now. He's the parent who will work so hard during arguments to try to say the right thing.

We can all see Jason "Get Him Pregnant" Todd being such a loving dad at every milestone in his kid's life that we can't help but want to give him that kid.

(This message was sponsored by the supporters of @arandomao3user's campaign to get Jason Todd Pregnant.)

Bro, lovingly, there was a whole comic series about how Joker manipulated Jason's entire life and rebirth including Catherine's drug habit and him discovering Sheila and just, all of it.

It ended with some heavy implication that fans didn't like much.

It was top-tier Shakespearean-level drama and angst, it just also left Jason fans rabid with upset. There's also been a marked disinterest in stories that imply predetermination lately, in either "good" or "bad" sense, so it left even more people feeling sour.

. . . The Joker is the reason that Jason became Robin. This ain't a theory or anything, this is pure Batman 80's canon, my guys.

So, Joker shoots Dick, boom, no more Robin or whatever, but besides for that—

The museum heist that Ma Gunn was doing, the one that Jason dropped in on and Batman was there for blah blah blah I'm gonna assume you know what I'm talking about.

ANYWAYS That was a job Ma Gunn was hired to do by Joker's goons.

Joker is the reason that Jason became Robin.

. . . Anyways I figured this out while flipping through this thick ahh paperback I got of various Batman comics, and realized "Oh, damn, I got the comics where Bruce meets Jason!"

Score.

(Yes I buy things impulsively, sue me. Please don't, actually, I'm flat broke from buying Batman stuff...)

Headcannon that Jason got the headstone from his grave and put it above his bed because it says 'Here lies Jason Todd' (he broke off the good soldier bit ofc) and thinks it's the funniest thing ever, some of the family, of course, are horrified.

Dick, at Jason's before they go out on patrol: Hey Jaybird, make sure to bring a spare respir--WHAT THE HELL?!?

Dick, looking frantically between Jason and the headstone: this is clearly a threat. Somebody knows your identity. I swear to GOD when I find who did this--

Jason, looking up from his phone comepletely unbothered: oh yeah, about that

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Bonus:

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Tim, climbing through Jasons bedroom window: Hey, its me, dont shoot. Do you have a first aid kit here right?

Jason, getting up from where he was reading in bed: ugh yeah sure, one sec

Jason, proceeds to grab a sticky note saying 'DOES NOT' and jabs it onto the headstone so it reads 'Here DOES NOT lie Jason Todd':

Tim:

Tim: okay that's funny

Temples are built for gods. Knowing this a farmer builds a small temple to see what kind of god turns up.

Okay, okay, okay. More Bat-family brainrot to throw out into the void.

It's generally accepted that none of the Bats really enjoy going to galas or schmoozing with the upper class Gothamites. It's a fun enough joke or point of resentment or a good way to excuse the absence of other characters.

But consider the parties from a new angle: Galas are how the Bats patrol the ultra-rich areas. (I mean, that's where Epstein recruited his victims, right? And rich kids don't get their drugs from street corners)

Gotham vigilantes spend weeks swinging around on the main island, fighting street crime, foiling plots, etc. Gala Night is when they get to go hunting for the big fish, ya get me? They are so eager to dive into a Gala and find the tea.

It's a tech-heavy production, I'd wager. If your phone is on, it's being cloned. So many listening devices and/or cameras slipped into decorations or are being worn by the Bats. They're everywhere, popping in on conversations, encouraging people to talk about themselves, disguised as servers, disguised as other guests.

(Art is by the amazing @dahtwitchi. This is a freeform collab with no real goal)

Madara looks surprised and turns back to his alternate, but it's the youngest version that speaks. "Ah, really? And you still were eying our lovers, big Brother, even knowing that mine is yet untouched..."

The youngest Tobirama narrows his eyes, unsure whether he should oppose the Madara's claim of him as a lover. He glances at his alternates and sees a hint of mischief in their eyes. Purposefully, he looks down and away, stepping closer to the oldest version's side as if shy and trying to hide. He keeps his face as innocent as possible as he glances through the fringe of his white hair towards the eldest Madara.

Sugar!Tobi smothers his own amusement as he steps forward to playfully wrap his arm around the eldest's waist. "Mm~ that would mean that you were my younger self's age when your Madara began to pursue you..."

Sometimes I really love being an old fuck and remembering when Tim Drake was just a clever kid who was part of a loving middle class family living in a brownstone in Gotham City. The parents were gone often, but that's why he was in boarding schools. He only followed Batman around to take pictures when the guy was crashing out and Tim needed proof to bring to Dick.

The fanon zeitgeist has mushed him around a bit and now he's seen as an abused little stalker who lived alone in a mansion because his parents are so neglectful.

And you know what? You do you, boos. Your writing and art and everything mean something to you. You go ahead and use this little guy to work through whatever it is that you're struggling with in life. Make him hurt so the hugs feel better. Combine your special interests and make that au that only three people will understand.