Lol

Somehow, someway, I can see this happening

what if Damian wasn’t sent to Bruce by Talia and instead decided to do a bit of early child-rebellion by running away to him himself. Talia, pissed off but too busy dealing with uprisings in the league to go track him down herself, calls up the person Damian is most likely to listen to other than her; his brother, who she trusts to keep him safe.

the thing is, Jason is 1: busy with his own missions atm 2: was also once a rebellious little asshole who liked to run away from home. he was Damian’s tutor once, he knows the kid can handle himself and he also knows if he CAN’T handle something he’ll contact Jason for help. he knows this because about a week before Talia called him, Damian called him.

Jason, phone balanced between his ear and shoulder: what do you want, i’m undercover

Damian: i require money for a fake passport.

Jason:

Jason, letting go of the guy he was beating up: alright you have my attention.

Damian: i am running away from home. i wish to do something ‘for the lore’ like the stories you used to tell me as a child.

Jason:

Jason ‘i’m going to ethiopia’ Todd: there’s some stuff in the fake panel under my bed. don’t tell me where you’re going, i don’t want to be complicit when Talia calls. also don’t die, because if you do i’m gonna make you eat dirt once you get out of the pit.

Damian: understood. if i am about to die, i shall call again.

Jason: have fun kiddo.

so Jason tells Talia he’ll ‘keep an eye out for any leads’ and then goes back to his normal business. league missions, his own missions, some outlaw shit, and eventually he ends up crime lording it up in Gotham. he’s a little confused when Tim Drake is seen swinging around as Red Robin rather than just Robin, but he got over his obsession with the Robin shit a while ago, so he ignores it.

until he runs into Batman and Robin. and there isn’t a mask in the fucking world that could hide his kid brother’s face from him.

Red Hood:

Robin:

Red Hood:

Robin:

Batman: why are you two staring at each other like that. what’s happening.

Robin:

Red Hood: *deep sigh*

Robin: are you going to tell mother-

Red Hood: -when you said ‘like the stories i used to tell you’.

Robin: *looks at the floor*

Red Hood: i did NOT think you meant running to a different country to find your birth parent. you fucking COPIER.

Robin:

Robin: …but you made being Robin sound so cool…

Batman: what the fuck are you two talking about?

Red Hood, pointing: you stay out of this, this is family business.

Batman: ????

jason: *turns corner after stopping a mugging and sees he's actively getting tire-jacked*

jason:

street kid:

jason: *getting prepared to just let the kid have the tire* any chance you're gonna put that back on?

kid: *eyes narrow* maybe. your name red hood?

jason: uh . . . yeah? *gestures to hood* i'm decently sure

kid: *screws tire back on* here ya go then, mister. sorry about that. i didn't know this was your bike.

jason:

kid:

jason: *hands her a flier for a shelter* ya can go here, kid. they'll help. call me if you ever get into any trouble, okay?

later:

jason: dickie i'll tell ya, in that moment i gave up, ya know? i fully accepted it. i looked down at the kid and i thought, "ive been runnin from bein bruce my whole life, maybe its time to give in". i was fully ready to take the kid to the nearest adoption agency by tomorrow. i was plannin' out the kids room in my apartment, stuffed animals and obnoxious night light an all. an then the little gremlin REJECTED ME

dick . . . by giving you back the tire he stole

jason: *crying* exactly

dick: did it ever cross your mind that she did that because she liked you? not the other way around?

jason: of course not! if she really liked me she would have hit me with the tire iron, not given me back the tire! what kind of backward thinking is that???

dick:

Batfam meets the Justice League fic idea where it's actually just Oliver Queen in Star City attempting to hunt down Red Hood (who isn't even there doing crimes actually, he's just visiting Roy, but Ollie doesn't know this) except every time he tracks him down, he finds another costumed vigilante (Read: Batfam) attempting to get his help for something.

And like, Ollie recognizes them, of course. Because isn't that Nightwing? Nightwing who is actively on the Justice League? Why is he asking an infamous crime lord to come home for dinner?

And then, a week later, he's tracking down another Red Hood sighting and.... that's Red Robin. He's in charge of Young Justice, isn't he? And he just fought Red Hood in an alley and then stood up like nothing happened and bugged him for intelligence on a case he's working, and Red Hood gave it to him?

And it just keeps going down the list until Ollie's at his wits end and partially convinced that a handful of vigilantes on various teams, who he can't for the life of him think of a way they might be connected, might actually be corrupt and working with the mob, then he (begrudgingly) follows reports of another sighting of Red Hood and... that's Batman, arguing with Red Hood but not actually fighting or detaining him, so Ollie sneaks closer and listens to the conversation and... it's the dinner thing again. Family dinner, he hears a few seconds later, and someone named Agent A would really like it if Hood came home for a few hours.

Ollie leaves that situation somehow far more confused than when he started, and he was already extremely confused.

Roy is fully aware that this is happening the entire time and is having the time of his life.

Year of the Dragon!

Tim, making chicken and dumpling soup, dropping a dumpling on the floor: This is sadder than the time I lost my spleen.

Bruce, choking on his coffee: Excuse me?

Shockwave somewhere off in the corner with starscream watching this personality swap unfold that he caused somehow

HOLD ON. YOU’RE RIGJT. SHOCKWAVE DEFINITELY CAUSED ALL OF THIS

you inspired me to make this comic why is this becoming an actual au why does this stupid blucking au have lore I’m going to cry

A Robin’s most important weapon is the ability to cry on command -

the second most important weapon is to sic dad on whatever villain made his precious child cry 😢

Junior turns on his heels, a manic grin spread wide accross his cheeks. Scars of a grotesque smile pull in a permanent mimicry of happiness as a hysterical giggle filters through his lips.

"What do you get, when the Sun disappears?"

The captured Kryptonian blinks, "what?"

JJ's grin grows impossibly wider, "A dead Super."

Superman gulps.

Looks are exchanged amongst the league and bats, confusion marring the gazes of all but one- Batman, who watches the proceedings with a sense of dreaded resignation.

"Hello, JJ."

Joker Junior grins delightedly, "Hello Batsy!"

"JJ, what are you doing here? Could you take your pills- or at least give control back to Tim, please?"

JJ merely smiles in response, before turning to Nightwing, arms swinging widely at his side as he does. "Nighty Nighty, what do you get, When a birdie leaves the nest?"

Nightwing frowns in confusion. "What, Tim?- what's going on?" JJ giggles in response. "Wrong!!! Nighty Nighty when the birdie takes flighty, does he find accused insanity. Nighty Nighty do you like reality?" Nightwing stares, befuddled, into Tim’s manic gaze. "Tim-"

"Nuh-uh. I'm fronting now. You wanted insanity and now your wish came true- turn that frown, upside down!! Daddy does so love a smile. He cut one for me, see?" At the words, Tim gestures to his scarred face.

The assembled (captured) heroes only manage to stare in confused horror as Bruce closes his eyes in resignation.

"Junior,"

"Yes Batsy?"

"Could you let us go?"

Junior hummed, peering at Batman for a moment, before grinning again, body moving in a mockery of a fluttering bird, "What do you get, when packaged is insanity?"

Bruce looks at him helplessly, "I don't know. What?"

JJ's grin takes an increasingly sinister edge, "a birthday present." Bruce winces in response. "Ah."

A confused Green Lantern cuts in, "Bats? What's he on about?"

Bruce grunts, shifts, and then sighs. Regret tinges his voice as he speaks. "It appears... Junior is taking revenge on Tim's behalf."

Junior cackles. "Batsy, Batsy. Theres a nugget of thought after all- you should drip it till it falls..."