Bruce Once Said, Half-jokingly, That Anyone Who Wanted To Marry Any Of His Kids Had To Beat Hik In Single

Guests at a gala notice that Brucie Wayne is surprisingly jacked. Like, a suspicious amount of muscle for a CEO who lives a life of luxury and doesn't do any physical labour. An amount of muscle that goes beyond "works out to stay fit and look good". And when he's asked about this by a gossip columnist guest he panicks (he's running on 2 hours sleep) and says "It's so I can pick up my kids!"

Now everyone is looking at his kids. Cass and Tim are tiny at 5’ 5 and 5' 7. Damian is still a kid and he's also small. Dick is bigger, but picking him up wouldn't require that much muscle. Maybe Duke, who is still growing but looks like he could be about Bruce's height when he's fully grown? Maybe him?

Then Jason officially returns from the dead. And everyone looks at the 6' 4, 260lbs walking double fridge and goes "Ahhh, ok then."

Jason (breaking into titians tower to kill Tim): square up

Tim (who holding a mug and the coffee pot): Hold on.

Precedes to chug the whole coffee pot then chucks it at Jason’s head.

The fight that ensures is the most feral, intense fight any of the Titian’s have ever seen.

Jason: You missed an opening there. You could have hit me when my chest was exposed.

Tim: Look at your foot work, I could have knocked you over.

Jason: Nice hit, if you commit more with the follow through then you’ll have more power.

The Titian’s are watching trying to decide if they should step in or sit back and enjoy the show.

Jason (is through to the ground and has Tim’s staff pointed at his neck): I’m impressed. You are pretty good for a replacement.

Tim: Well I have big shoes to fill.

Jason: Breakfast?

Tim: Pancakes?

Jason: Have strawberry syrup?

Then they get up, move to the kitchen like nothing happened and just start making pancakes.

jason [monologuing]: — after me there aren’t any other robins hurt at the hands of the joker, and i intend to keep it that way

tim [remembering the joker junior incident]: sure…

jason: wdym by that replacement?.. robin? tim what are you talking about!??

Red Hood: Kill the joker!

Batman: I can't kill the joker

Jim Gordon:(who only heard Batman say kill the joker) *busting in* NO! WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS. Batman doesn't kill, I fired bullets at you last time to get you to stop. You did this for me Im doing this for you! Back away from the clown and-

Red Hood: ???

Batman: it's not for lack of trying

Red Hood:...

Honestly this lines up with how my associates describe their interactions with Dren. They always talk about how he insists they are his assistants yet he makes them do all the work and doesn't help. I could tell you a few of the highlights of situations they may or may not have intentionally left him in. My favorite story was by far the bottle.

Chancellor,

Following up on my last ask, what do you think of Narsis Dren. Like I mentioned, every single one of my associates who has encountered him despises him. And from what I have heard his ego is bigger then Mannimarco's and possibly rivals that of Molag Bal (Also disregard any reports you have been getting of a Khajiit with glowing eyes, the less you ask about that particular matter the better)

I had, in fact, met Narsis Dren.

"I am an explorer of incomparable renown, the greatest delver into the most dangerous ruins of the past that had ever been!" he said.

Which was all nice, but that particular Ayleid ruin was on a private property of the Tharn estate and has for centuries served as our wine cellar with some extra security measures.

We didn't talk much that time, he gave me such a headache that I ventured into the "foreboding den of promising riches" myself, and when I emerged later with some liquid will to bother with nitwits, he was gone.

I ran into him years later in Reaper's March while I was gathering more information about Knhunzar'ri. He insisted that I could be his "assistant" while he searched the archive for... I don't know what exactly, and honestly I didn't care. The last I saw him, he was trying to get the Pendant of Lunar Flight off while he was hovering under the ceiling. I noticed only because he stopped getting under my feet for three minutes.

[Dick’s Teen Titans era]

Donna: Gonna have to wash this blanket to get rid of that new smell.

Kory: *makes a note that humans prefer to mark objects with familiar scents*

—

Wally: Gotta love that new car smell.

Kory: *scratches out previous note and replaces it with a question mark*

—

Roy: Old books smell so good.

Kory: *increasingly frustrated note taking*

—

Dick: Mmm love that new book smell.

Kory: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?

Jim Gordon keeping a family tree of the bats with updated names and costumes cuz those guys switch up every couple months and never tell him so whenever someone has a costume change or gets more emo durring their teenage rebellion he's all like "that's great kiddo, but which one are you" like a grandparent with too many damn kids

Canon. Change my mind

Robin era Jason, who's going after the Riddler with Batman, and one of the Riddles is some kind of literary reference, so Jason solves it easily but when he gets to the location the riddle hinted at, it's wrong????

And it haunts him the whole time until they finally catch the Riddler and Jason gets to ask him about it before he gets locked up again, and turns out the Riddler just confused two diffrent barely similar quotes or something.

And Jason LOSES HIS MIND.

HE LOST SLEEP OVER THIS??! THIS?!?! HE THOUGHT HIS KNOWLEDGE WAS WRONG HE HAD TO REOPEN THE ORIGINAL NOVEL, HE'S BEEN CARRYING ON HIM FOR THE REST OF THE INVESTIGATION JUST IN CASE-

Anyways Batman barely manages to save the Riddler from getting a papercover volume shoved down his throat.

When Bruce met Bernard, he was skeptical. He respects Tim's choice of partner don't get him wrong, but something about the boy triggers his paranoia.

Bernard is on his way to getting a dual PhD in physics and biology. (Rouge gallery are mostly doctorates)

He spouts conspiracies with passion. (Some were close to the truth and contain details that a normal civilian shouldn't know)

When discussing said theories he has this manic look in his eyes. (also this child is an ex-member of a pain cult)

It didn't help that one day when Bernard was visiting Tim is the manor the boy casually said "You know Gotham's cave system are so interesting. They span across the city and from my research, bats tend to migrate here, especially in the area around Wayne Manor." (Bernard was working on a conspiracy about how Batman is actually an alien pretending to be vampire by mimicking bats and failing.)

Later that night, Bruce has Bernard's profile under the 'potential rogue list' Right next to Tim's name.

Batfam meets the Justice League fic idea where it's actually just Oliver Queen in Star City attempting to hunt down Red Hood (who isn't even there doing crimes actually, he's just visiting Roy, but Ollie doesn't know this) except every time he tracks him down, he finds another costumed vigilante (Read: Batfam) attempting to get his help for something.

And like, Ollie recognizes them, of course. Because isn't that Nightwing? Nightwing who is actively on the Justice League? Why is he asking an infamous crime lord to come home for dinner?

And then, a week later, he's tracking down another Red Hood sighting and.... that's Red Robin. He's in charge of Young Justice, isn't he? And he just fought Red Hood in an alley and then stood up like nothing happened and bugged him for intelligence on a case he's working, and Red Hood gave it to him?

And it just keeps going down the list until Ollie's at his wits end and partially convinced that a handful of vigilantes on various teams, who he can't for the life of him think of a way they might be connected, might actually be corrupt and working with the mob, then he (begrudgingly) follows reports of another sighting of Red Hood and... that's Batman, arguing with Red Hood but not actually fighting or detaining him, so Ollie sneaks closer and listens to the conversation and... it's the dinner thing again. Family dinner, he hears a few seconds later, and someone named Agent A would really like it if Hood came home for a few hours.

Ollie leaves that situation somehow far more confused than when he started, and he was already extremely confused.

Roy is fully aware that this is happening the entire time and is having the time of his life.