Tim: I Can’t Tell Dick?? I Don’t Want Him To Think I’m Crazy Or Not Trustworthy Bc I’m Doing

Don’t Mess with Tim Drake or his family will deal with you: Kylar

Wayne Manor - a spacious living room filled with elegant furniture. The afternoon sun casts warm shadows across the room.

Dick sat on the couch, a concerned look on his face. Tim sat next to him, visibly distressed and wiping tears from his eyes.

Dick (comforting): It's gonna be okay, Tim.

Tim (voice shaky): I usually can handle it, but… who the hell pours paint thinner on someone’s car?

Suddenly, the front door swung open with a loud bang, startling them. Jason strode in, exuding casual bravado.

Jason (playfully): Hey, assholes, how’s it—

He stopped upon seeing Tim’s tear-streaked face.

Jason (concerned): Why is Tim crying?

Dick (glancing at Tim): Somebody's been picking on him at work for being bi.

Jason’s demeanor shifted instantly, becoming serious.

Jason (intently): What?

Jason pulled out his cell phone.

Tim (sniffling): His name is Kylar. I reported him, but they say there’s no proof. I just have to wait and see what he does next.

A dry chuckle escaped Jason’s lips as he turned the phone towards Tim, displaying a photo of a frat boy type with a smug grin.

Jason (smirking): This him?

Tim (nodding): Y-Yes.

Jason (confidently): Sweet. He lives close by. I’ll be back.

Jason grabs one of Nightwing’s Escrima sticks and exits.

Dick (concerned): Where is he going?

Dick turned to Tim, who was still sobbing.

Dick (comfortingly): I’ll help you feel better.

Twenty minutes pass. Dick and Tim remain on the couch, the mood heavy.

Tim (regretfully): I should’ve never told them who Bernard was. Kylar made a bunch of homophobic jokes...

Dick (reassuring): Tim, it’s not your fault. This guy was always like that. He’s disgusting.

Tim (sighing): I’m sick of dealing with it.

Dick (calmly): Just tell Dad what happened.

Tim (defiantly): I can handle this on my own.

Dick (jokingly): What about giving him one quick bop on the face?

Tim (laughing softly): Violence isn’t going to help. I’d look bad.

Their conversation is interrupted by the front door slamming open again.

Dick (frustrated): Jason, seriously?

Jason returns, dragging a beaten Kylar into the room. Tim's eyes widen in shock.

Jason (excitedly): Timmy, I got a present for ya!

Kylar looks battered, with a black eye and bruises.

Jason (commandingly): Apologize.

Kylar (trembling): I’m sorry for what I said at work.

Jason (twisting Kylar’s arm): And?

Kylar (gasping): I’ll pay for the damages to your car!

Jason (menacingly): And you won’t bother him at work again, or I will ‘accidentally’ hit you with my car.

Kylar (defeated): Yes! Just let me go home!

Jason releases Kylar, who stumbles out, tears streaming down his face. He laughs as Kylar leaves.

Jason (turning to Tim): You good?

Tim (smiling despite the situation): Um... yes, actually.

Jason patted Tim on back then left.

Jason (over his shoulder): I’m ‘borrowing’ Bruce’s car for the day. Bye!

Dick turned to Tim.

Dick (apologetically): I’m sorry he did that—

Tim (smiling): On second thought… I’m glad he did something crazy this time.

Dick (chuckling): What happened to no violence?

Tim (light-heartedly): He’s more intimidating than both of us. Kylar got the message.

Dick (smiling): If he messes with you again, don’t worry—we’ve got your back.

Tim (softening): I appreciate that a lot.

The brothers shared a moment of laughter, the strength of their bond evident in the warmth of the living room.

Bruce: who are you? A new crime lord?

Jason: *takes off his helmet*

Bruce: *squints suspiciously* a new crime lord who looks like a grown up version of my dead son?

Jason: *sighs in annoyance and forces a bright smile*

Bruce: JASON THE NEW CRIME LORD???

Toothless hyytd

Toothless, you'll always be my best boy

Gotham based goons definitely blame all their mishaps on the Bats.

Lost a shipment? "Yeah boss, Red Robin came outta nowhere, confiscated all of it."

Someone's cigarette caused a warehouse fire? "Batgirl dropped by and torched the joint."

Fell asleep while on guard duty? "Batman punched the daylights out of me."

Accidentally went to the wrong location and the buyer got arrested? "Bats were chasing the car boss, I figured I'd prioritize the product."

Killed a partner in crime? "Red Hood got him, sorry."

Why.... why can I see this happening?

Fake it till you make it, Star City Kitchen edition.

Danny, outed to the government as a ghostly entity, is not only wanted by the government but unable to find work because of that.

Sam gave him money to help him escape, but an unfortunate run in with more than one gang of meta traffickers blew through that in an instant.

He needs a job. He needs to find a place to sleep.

He decides to answer an ad in a newspaper, for a personal chef for an unnamed person. Is it sketchy? Yes. Is it very likely to be under the table with no government checks? Also yes.

Besides, if it turns out to be someone bad, he can just go invisible and disappear for a bit. It'll be...unfortunate, cuz he'll have to steal what he needs, but it's doable.

He arrives at the meeting place, and there's a car waiting to pick him up.

Okay.

He gets in the car. Secondary location, here he comes.

It drives to a mansion.

Oh no.

It's Oliver Queen.

Oliver Queen put up that ad.

Oliver Queen takes one look at him, hums, and says that Danny is absolutely what he was looking for. That Danny just looks like how a chef should look.

Five minutes later, Danny finds himself in a kitchen larger than his old house, internally panicking and scrolling as fast as he can through cooking lessons on youtube.

Turns out, Danny's got a knack for cooking.

Like, he's actually pretty phenomenal at it.

If the food isn't trying to come back to life and eat him, once he's got the basics down, it's pretty easy to throw together a meal.

~~~~~~

Oliver, sleep deprived and injured, meant to ask Stan to make him something to eat.

Somehow he failed step one of just texting the man, and ended up reaching out to and placing an ad in a local newspaper for a personal chef.

Naturally, when someone answers it, he decides to get them over to his place so he can apologize for his stupidity and pay them the money they lost wasting time going to him.

Except that's a kid.

A dirty, unkempt, homeless teenager.

And...fuck.

Look, Oliver isn't a complete and total jackass, and it's not like the kid can mess up much if he's in the kitchen, of all places.

So he pretends like the ad is legit. Throws the kid in the kitchen.

Accidentally finds out that the kid wasn't fucking lying about being a good chef that was out of practice, holy shit? This food is so good????

Looks into the kid's background, quietly.

...

And in true Green Arrow fashion, uncovers a government conspiracy.

Starting to think a cooler headcanon for Clark’s upbringing might just be that the entire town of Smallville collectively decided to just go with it and accept that Martha and John's kid has superpowers, but we don't talk about it.

Someone's tractor gets stuck and nothing can get it out? "Be a dear and run down to the Kents, would you? Ask for Clark?"

"Why Clark, we need a machine--"

"Run along now."

Or if he kicks too hard and the football vanishes into the upper stratosphere, no it didn't, we all collectively saw it land over there *vague hand movements*

Dick being a happy older brother…

Detective Comics Annual #3 - “Chaos Theory”

written by Brian Buccallato art by Werther Dell’Edera, Jorge Fornes, & Scott Hepburn

Heart wrenching... more writers should write Bruce like this, as a man who cares so so much, but can't show it as Batman, cuz if he shows weakness his villains will exploit it, they have before

Bruce is known for bottling up his emotions, shoving them aside in favor of the greater good, the work that needs to be done, getting rid of his own so he can deal with other peoples. But… emotions have to come out, they always do. And bruce knows that. And plans for it. And after Jason’s death… he shoves it all down, shoves it away, so he can focus on Dick, and Alfred, and Gotham, and Tim, who’s newly introduced into his life, and then… and then he shoves them all out of the house, for one day. Asks for one day. Gives Dick and Tim bonding time, forces Alfred to finally take a “sick day” and meet up with some old military buddies. But Tim forgets his phone, and heads back into the Manor to grab it, telling Dick to wait outside.

And he goes down to the cave, because thats where he left it last-

And stumbles upon bruce, kneeling on the floor in front of Jason’s memorial case, his old robin suit clutched in his hands. 

Tim almost speaks, almost goes closer, when Bruce tips back his head and screams, the sound so bone chilling and frightening- that Tim almost thinks for a moment hes been mind controlled or something- but it devolves into sobs, heart wrenching, horrible sobs, as he screams his hatred and sadness at the world, his wrath at his son being taken from him, his sorrow that it was so soon. 

Bruce wails in mourning, every pent up emotion from everything just exploding outward. 

Tim retreats back up the stairs and lies, tells Dick his phone was in his pocket the whole time.

Jim Gordon once every few weeks, shouting talking by his window: would be a shame if someone tracked down the culprit in this case file I am leaving UNATTENDED at my desk and paid him a nasty visit. Sure hope this ABUSER, who used MONEY to get the charges dropped and is currently out and about doesn't get into a nasty ACCIDENT.

Batman wondering why he even bothers staying in the shadows anymore: ...

Gordon: Oh well, time for my lunch break

Dick: shit, with B out of town I forgot about Gordon's thing

Jason: Gordon's thing?

Dick: you know, the thing he always did where he'd leave casefiles on the roof of people who really needed to get beaten up?

Jason: ...that's what those were for?

Dick: yeah

Dick, hefting a file up: anyway, do you wanna take this pedophile or should I?

Jason:

Dick:

Jason: what were you thinking

Dick: I'm open to suggestions

Jason: kinda hard to diddle kids if you don't have functioning hands, yeah?

Dick, shuddering: now you sound like him