BPD Is Just So Excruciating To Deal With. I’m So Tired. I’m Tired Of Letting This Illness Control

This can’t be worse than hell. This can’t be any fucking worse than hell. I literally cannot fucking escape no matter how hard I try. I will end up a vegetable for the rest of my life if I try to overdose. I can become extremely severely disfigured if I shoot myself. I can damage my entire body if I hang myself. I can’t win. I can’t escape. This is such a sick fucking joke that I wouldn’t ever wish on my worst enemy.

Lol can you fucking imagine Look at this stupid bullshit I am such a fucking faker Jesus Christ No wonder people pump and fucking dump me I’m not worth anything besides sex and to be abused Jesus Christ No Fucking Wonder people sexually assault me then Leave me I fucking deserve it Lol I’m suchafucking idiot I am So fucking Stipid I am worthless not even my own boyfriendlikes me😭😂😂bi am so ugly Jesus Christ I am so fucking ugly inside and out I need to get killed

I’m grateful for my screenshots of so many new music recommendations to listen to in my phone! I’m grateful that because it’s a holiday my mom let me have two tiny shots of fireball! I’m grateful that I get to wake up early in the morning to watch my favorite cartoon before bed as if im a child despite being 18! I am so grateful to re-try a drink I once loved, don’t appreciate anymore, then take a sip of my favorite drink to remind me again why it’s my favorite! I am grateful for my five senses to be able to view the world!

I’m grateful for being alive even though there are days where I am blinded by my traumatizing experiences. I love my life and I love myself. I am growing up and that is amazing! Everything will be okay. Everything will be so very okay.

What have I done to make you disgusted by me

I want to relapse over and over and over again I don’t know why I don’t I just want to fucking die

I wish it didn’t fucking hurt as much as it did. I wish it didn’t take everything in me to not text you and beg for you back. I can’t do it.

I just have to accept you’re gone and that you never really loved me. Why does it still hurt? Why am I still affected like it happened yesterday? I shouldn’t be judging myself for this because it is completely human, such as I, and I experience emotions like everyone else albeit very very intensely. I just feel so alone and I don’t know why.

I have everything I want it feels like. I’m learning how to make music on computer. I have friends. I have a wonderful relationship. I have support. I get constant money and am so lucky financially. I get out more. I have all the clothes I want. I have parents who care. What the fuck is wrong with me and why am I like this? Why do I feel alone right now? Why do I feel the worst I’ve ever fucking felt?

the fact that my mom is disappointed that I can just never seem to be happy despite everything is honestly something that makes me feel even worse about myself. It is gut wrenching being around her already, but having to part ways will be one of the last hardest things I’ll ever put myself through

I feel like im so selfish. I hate this. I don’t want to be messy. I don’t want to be an attention seeker or anything. I don’t want to be this way. I don’t know how to get better or how to inspire myself to get better. What do I Fucking do? I’m so lost. I’m so lost and I don’t know where to go or what to do. I feel so fucking dumb

I want to die so bad fuck

Why do you hate me

I dont Even know what to say I’m just speechless. I shouldn’t of asked him how you were doing and I shouldn’t have checked your twitter again. It didn’t trigger me THAT bad but I just can’t keep doing this over and over. I just wish you would hurt. I just wish you would feel my pain. I wish you would obsess over how bad you’re hurting like I do. I’m sorry