I Can’t Stop Relapsing I Just Want To Fucking Die Man

I thought things were going okay but I guess not. My friend just told me she feels guilty for talking to me ever since the whole incident happened last week and also my friend right now is acting fucking weird and makes me want to split on him really bad. He isn’t laughing or anything and says he’s tired but he’s acting weird and it’s pissing me off. It’d probably be better if I was just at home.

I just hope I stop feeling this way. I dont want to keep ruining my friendships. I don’t even know why she feels guilty. It’s not her fault im this way!!!! Stop being my friend out of fucking pity!!!!! Be my actual friend!!!!! Stop feeling sorry for me!!!!!!

Being a victim isn’t fucking fun and this shit messes with me every single day. I dont want you to feel bad for me. I just want you to talk to me like a normal person. It’s not my fault I am this way. I want you to see me past my flaws that make me act the way I do anyways. Yet you’re just paying extra attention and that fucking hurts. Please just talk to me normally. Stop being weird towards me.

All of this hurts

Where do I go who do I go to fuck this shit

I think im going to kill myself

If you aren’t mad at me then why the fuck are you ignoring me you dumb piece of shit I fucking hate you I fucking hate you so much if you aren’t mad and worried why aren’t you taking me seriously why the fuck won’t you just speak up like a real fucking man instead of being a fucking pussy you fucking idiot

I don’t have anybody left I am going to die alone

What’s the point of any of this

I feel like puking i feel like I’ve just been robbed of all my love and that resulting in my hatred for romance I just . I’m so dysphoric I’m so bitter I’m so angry I just want an escape I just want someone for fucking once to love me and my imperfections and not prefer a specific fucking genital over my entire being I don’t know what to do I don’t believe anyone when they say they love me anymore because they’re fucking lying

I just want to give up on everything I fucking Hate my life I hate romance I hate sex I hate myself I hate everyone I fucking hate existing I just wish I was dead so fucking bad holy fuck I’m going to kill myself maybe that’s what I should do for my 18th birthday just blow my fucking head off

I’m going to beat myself until I fuck myself up and piss blood

I’m an embarrassment to fucking everyone

I hate talking about it. I hate hearing people talk to me. I hate being known. I hate being “out there”. I hate everyone who says they prioritize me then they lie to me. I just wish that I was stable. I wish things were right. I’m so fucking unhappy and I thought I was doing better but I’m just not.

I feel so weird talking to anyone right now. I don’t like it and I don’t want to talk to anybody I want to be left alone forever. I just wish I was dead. It feels like the good times truly could never make up for the misery the rest of my life has to give me. I fucking hate everything. I hate thinking about what comes after. I hate thinking about the death process. I hate it all. I just want it over. I want to escape and just never be known and be alone forever.

I don’t want anyone to have anything to do with me. I feel so depressed and I try not to let these emotions get to me but Jesus Christ it’s so hard not to. My friends all discard me and I get talked over and it’s so tiring.

I just wish I was loved. I wish that I knew I was loved and cared about and praised and adored and whatever the fuck. I wish I didn’t need anyone else’s approval. I’m so fucking over it.

Why do I keep seeing things that remind me of you or I would’ve sent to you if you were still here. God. I hate you so much please get out of My head