I Am So Ugly And Incapable Of Everything And I Need To Kill Myself

I want to sleep and never wake up again

Kinda sucks that when I follow ppl on here it redirects them to this blog where it shows the most disgusting and emotionally rawest parts of myself lol that totally won’t get me judged and Not accepted from other people who claim to be mentally ill Lol Jesus Fucking Christ can I just get killed already

I can’t do this anymore I can’t fucking do it anymore

You make me feel so ugly

I’m an embarrassment to fucking everyone

I hate talking about it. I hate hearing people talk to me. I hate being known. I hate being “out there”. I hate everyone who says they prioritize me then they lie to me. I just wish that I was stable. I wish things were right. I’m so fucking unhappy and I thought I was doing better but I’m just not.

I feel so weird talking to anyone right now. I don’t like it and I don’t want to talk to anybody I want to be left alone forever. I just wish I was dead. It feels like the good times truly could never make up for the misery the rest of my life has to give me. I fucking hate everything. I hate thinking about what comes after. I hate thinking about the death process. I hate it all. I just want it over. I want to escape and just never be known and be alone forever.

I don’t want anyone to have anything to do with me. I feel so depressed and I try not to let these emotions get to me but Jesus Christ it’s so hard not to. My friends all discard me and I get talked over and it’s so tiring.

I just wish I was loved. I wish that I knew I was loved and cared about and praised and adored and whatever the fuck. I wish I didn’t need anyone else’s approval. I’m so fucking over it.

I wish I could show myself off like </33 I want to bottom so bad but it feels like I can’t 4 nobody it’s so terrible oughe 💔💔💔

I am forced to be awake every agonizing second to feel the worst mental pain in existence. I can’t kill myself because there’s such a big chance I will fail. Yet I can’t keep waking up like this anymore. This is limbo. This is my personal Hell. I can’t escape at all. I can’t fucking escape. I can’t leave. I have to be here and I can’t fucking do it anymore yet I am forced to because the alternatives are no better. I’m so fucked. I am so fucked

I will encourage people to bully me into suicide I don’t want people to feel bad I want everyone to be happy that such a scum on earth cannot hurt anyone anymore or annoy anybody or burden them with things that are not important and extremely insecure and self deprecating

I have a limited amount of days before I have to do it. I can’t keep living my life like this.

Many things make me happy but I have to wonder if it’s actually happiness. I feel empty with every single relationship im involved in. I’m not even really sexual that much anymore and unfortunately that says something about me.

At this point I just really give up. I try to find the positives. I think there are actually a lot of positives in my life. I have a great boyfriend, friends, most of the times my parents are good, and a lot of other things. But I can’t have these things forever.

I can’t just be a kid. I can’t just sit in my room and talk to my friends always. I have been robbed of a childhood yet in 8 Monday’s im graduating high school. I have not had a plan for my life because I didn’t think I’d make it this far. I feel lost and I don’t know what to do, honestly.

I have 8 more Monday’s (7 after this week) where I have opportunities to do it. I have 2 prescription bottles full of Geodone which is an antipsychotic that can cause Serotonin Syndrome. That is how ill do it. I will mix alcohol with it and maybe some sleeping meds to really seal the deal. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t fucking do this anymore.

I don’t know why the fuck I am so unfixable. Why I can just never really be happy. Why I can’t just function normally. Why what I am going through seems to never have an actual answer. What the fuck am I doing here then? Just to suffer for other’s amusement?

I feel guilt. I feel so fucking guilty. I can’t stand seeing people be nice to me about what im going through yet I can’t get enough of it. I feel like such a fucking loser. I feel such shame for having these emotions to the point I don’t even know if I should talk about them anymore. I’m just so sad. It’s so much worse than sad. This situation is just so fucked up. I want to die

Please god fucking help me