I Need Friends I Need Help I Just Need Somebody I Am Drowning

I can’t stop screaming for help god help me PLEse

I just feel so embarrassed about everything. I don’t know what to do. I hate when people give me this attention because it just makes me feel so helpless. But yet it’s something I complain about. I don’t fuckin know what I want. I don’t know what I want to choose, or what I want to happen, or anything. All I am is fucking confused and chaotic. I am struggling so fucking hard right now and I feel nothing but guilt and shame. I have no other outlet. I’m not trying to get people to feel awful for me or terrible or anything. I want to be left alone yet I want people to hear me and realize that I am fucking struggling man

I just want to go ghost. I want to leave everything behind and just be by myself for the rest of my life. Yet I can’t even fucking do that. I can’t do it. I need someone it seems. It seems i struggle with being by myself. Everything is just so fucking hard. I don’t know what I am going to do. I’m so tired of this. I’m so tired of consistently going through these intense cycles of emotion. I’m tired of having breakdowns every month. I’m fucking sick of living this way but it just feels like there’s nothing I can do besides give up hope

I am empty

I have a limited amount of days before I have to do it. I can’t keep living my life like this.

Many things make me happy but I have to wonder if it’s actually happiness. I feel empty with every single relationship im involved in. I’m not even really sexual that much anymore and unfortunately that says something about me.

At this point I just really give up. I try to find the positives. I think there are actually a lot of positives in my life. I have a great boyfriend, friends, most of the times my parents are good, and a lot of other things. But I can’t have these things forever.

I can’t just be a kid. I can’t just sit in my room and talk to my friends always. I have been robbed of a childhood yet in 8 Monday’s im graduating high school. I have not had a plan for my life because I didn’t think I’d make it this far. I feel lost and I don’t know what to do, honestly.

I have 8 more Monday’s (7 after this week) where I have opportunities to do it. I have 2 prescription bottles full of Geodone which is an antipsychotic that can cause Serotonin Syndrome. That is how ill do it. I will mix alcohol with it and maybe some sleeping meds to really seal the deal. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t fucking do this anymore.

I don’t know why the fuck I am so unfixable. Why I can just never really be happy. Why I can’t just function normally. Why what I am going through seems to never have an actual answer. What the fuck am I doing here then? Just to suffer for other’s amusement?

I feel guilt. I feel so fucking guilty. I can’t stand seeing people be nice to me about what im going through yet I can’t get enough of it. I feel like such a fucking loser. I feel such shame for having these emotions to the point I don’t even know if I should talk about them anymore. I’m just so sad. It’s so much worse than sad. This situation is just so fucked up. I want to die

I’m legitimately going crazy and I feel like I’m out of control. I need friends. I need a life. I need to get better. My borderline and OCD control everything. I can’t go days without wanting to be off the face of the earth. I am legitimately so close to just ending it. I want to be better and I know how to be better but it feels everything that is thrown at me is meant to tear me down and to discourage me and keep me in one place. I can’t stand being like this anymore. I need help. I need a fucking life. I’m safe right now but the thoughts are still there and all it does is keep me in my bed and completely empty inside knowing that it would all be better if I just went away.

Genuinely nothing helps anymore it really is over for me

I can’t do this anymore I can’t fucking do it anymore

Please fucking help me

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I hate being schizophrenic because I was straight up so paranoid I was pregnant and it added onto my breakdown yesterday I beat the fuck out of my uterus and now I’m cramping and I don’t know if I work right down there anymore