I Hate Being Schizophrenic Because I Was Straight Up So Paranoid I Was Pregnant And It Added Onto My

I don’t have anybody i. don’t have anyone I am freaking out I just want to be left alone

I don’t want to live anymore dear fucking god just fucking kill me fucking kill me why can’t you fucking idiots just fucking kill me what do I have to do to fucking die. Please fucking blow my head off behead me dismember me set me on fire hang me drown me do fucking something and just kill me. I can’t do this anymore

I hate myself I hate myself beyond comprehension I genuinely just fucking hate myself I can’t do it I am nothing and nobody anymore

I will encourage people to bully me into suicide I don’t want people to feel bad I want everyone to be happy that such a scum on earth cannot hurt anyone anymore or annoy anybody or burden them with things that are not important and extremely insecure and self deprecating

I relapsed and it didn’t fucking do anything of course I’m so tired I want to drill the blade into my disgusting body and just die and bleed out I fucking hate myself and my life I want to die

I am so unimportant and it hurts. My life is nothing but a sick joke. I’m stuck inside of purgatory. Surely hell can’t be worse than this. I don’t think it can get worse than this. I can’t take it. I have to die. I can’t keep living like this anymore

My head hurts

My hands got soaked in blood from punching my legs so hard it re-opened my self harm from a couple of hours ago

I fucking hate it.

I hate every moment without you. You’ve been on my mind more recently. Every lovey dovey thing reminds me of you. Every single thing reminds me of you. I still wonder how you’re doing. And I still wonder if you will ever come back to me.

Im still attached to you. I still want you back. It still hurts that you are really over thus (or what it seems). God I want you back so bad. I hate that I do but fuck I really, really do. I want you back more than fucking anything.

I miss you and your presence. I regret ever sending hateful messages to you. I regret even telling anybody what happened. If you came back i dont know if id be happy or hurl. I wish it didn’t end the way it did. I wish you were still with me. I wish we were still together.

I know that logically it would be better for me to move on from you and to heal and to just. Never EVER go back to you. But fuck I want to. I want you back so goddamn bad. I Miss you. I still love you.

I wish you could come back into my life again. I really, really do. I wish we never even broke up. But you’re such a piece of shit and a terrible person. But I still miss you. I feel so broken without you. Please just come back to me in some way. I miss you so fucking much. I just want you. I can’t stop thinking about you or missing you or anything. You were my whole world I just fucking wish you could’ve reciprocated it goddamnit. I did everything for you. I still love you so much I really do. I didnt mean all those awful nasty things I said about you or anything.

Im sorry i lashed out. I’m sorry.

Now I really dont have a chance back with you and I fucking hate it. I just want to talk to you again. I remember all the good memories and im just crushed. You were my everything. I fucking loved you goddamnit why did you do this to me. Im not over you I just want you back I can’t stand it.

I know you were terrible. I know that you lied to me. I know you did terrible things behind my back probably. But I don’t even care. I would still let you do those things to me if it meant you could come back & we would be together. I fucking miss you man. I do. I fucking love you my heart still loves you so much even though you spat it out on the ground and crushed it. I wish you weren’t so fucking evil. I wish you didnt do this to me. I fucking miss you. I dont want to but I do.

I wish that I could’ve just talked to you normally I wish this never fucking happened I just wish I lived in ignorant bliss forever if it meant I could stay with you. Goddamnit. God fucking dammit. I love you so much still. I can’t go on. I really can’t.

I fucking hate you so much for making me feel this way. I hate you. I hate you so fucking much. God why.

I am so fucking worthless when will this end