I Relapsed And It Didn’t Fucking Do Anything Of Course I’m So Tired I Want To Drill The Blade Into

I need help so bad I need fucking help I don’t have anybody I’m freaking the fuck o ur I can’t take it anymore I literally cannot fucking take it anymore I need to kill myself I need to fucking end my life I needto kill myself I need to fucking kill myself nobody or nothing will ever help me I am stuck here I am so tormented god please fucking help me please fucking help me please god help me fucking help me please fod I can’t take it please kill me oh my god fucking help me fucking help me please

I hate being schizophrenic because I was straight up so paranoid I was pregnant and it added onto my breakdown yesterday I beat the fuck out of my uterus and now I’m cramping and I don’t know if I work right down there anymore

Please god help me. Please just let me fucking die. I pray for my death every single night and nobody answers me. I don’t know what to do. I am not a person to anyone anymore. I’ve faded out of relevancy. I’m not important to people I care about anymore. I don’t feel loved, or appreciated, or cared for, or anything. I’m just human fucking garbage. I’m such an awful person and I would literally pay someone if they could kill me. I’m losing my mind. I’d save up so much money for someone to kill me. I would let someone kill me for free in any way they’d like just as long as I died. I just want to die. I don’t know why the universe keeps me alive because I don’t fucking belong here. I just want to fucking die. Nothing or nobody is worth living for anymore

I am going toblow my head off I need to kill myself I have nobody

I’m so normal to the point I wanna get drugged up and have my brains fucked out <3<3<3

I dont know what specifically happened, but I don’t think I really need this account anymore. I mean I’ll still use it, what I meant is that I don’t think I feel as empty as I did when I first started.

I got a job and I love it. I finally got my permit after about 3 tries. I an getting out way more. I am dating the ACTUAL love of my life and am getting closer and closer with him. I’m getting closer to my irl friends. I’m doing … mostly ok in school, but I’m not worried about it. It’s my last year in school. I’m in therapy and I get along with my therapist. I feel more confident about myself and my body. I have proper medication that really works. I have a new special interest. I’ve been extremely creative, both art + music + edit & even writing wise. I’ve been finding some new music that has been inspirational to me. I’m sort of re-developing my clothing style. I have a wicked ass tattoo. Ive been smoking weed and having fun with that. Whenever I think of her I dismiss it and move on. I have amazing friends both online and irl and am developing decently normal relationships. I’m laughing so much more. I’m becoming more independent. I’ve redeveloped a love for energy drinks, specifically Monster. People have been more kinder to me. I am a trendsetter at my school and everyone talks about me. Im about to get a big paycheck. When I get my proper driver’s license, I’m going to be able to drive around. Im getting my issues solved. Next year I will HOPEFULLY be able to get a house with my partner and we can live on our own.

There’s so much more, but I can’t list them all. Im pretty forgetful. I just think I am healing. There are times where I feel like im not, and where I relapse back into old habits but I believe I’ve been getting better at that. I think that in general I am getting better. I am more grateful for the little things in life. I have no need to look back on the past, get upset about the past, etc. What’s done is done and there’s nothing I can change besides how my future will end up. I have people who love and support me forever and I am glad I do. Whether it’s 2 people or 20, I am happy I am in their presence. I think I am getting okay. It’s only up from here everyone

I’m hurting both physically and mentally it feels like I’m back with Her I just want to be beautiful to you

I am so embarrassed that I made a scene and it’s honestly making all of this so much worse. I feel awful and I never want to show my face again

I Hope one day we can reunite even if you did hurt me. I miss you.

You make me fucking hate myself you aren’t a real friend