I Dont Know What Specifically Happened, But I Don’t Think I Really Need This Account Anymore. I Mean

I dont know what specifically happened, but I don’t think I really need this account anymore. I mean I’ll still use it, what I meant is that I don’t think I feel as empty as I did when I first started.

I got a job and I love it. I finally got my permit after about 3 tries. I an getting out way more. I am dating the ACTUAL love of my life and am getting closer and closer with him. I’m getting closer to my irl friends. I’m doing … mostly ok in school, but I’m not worried about it. It’s my last year in school. I’m in therapy and I get along with my therapist. I feel more confident about myself and my body. I have proper medication that really works. I have a new special interest. I’ve been extremely creative, both art + music + edit & even writing wise. I’ve been finding some new music that has been inspirational to me. I’m sort of re-developing my clothing style. I have a wicked ass tattoo. Ive been smoking weed and having fun with that. Whenever I think of her I dismiss it and move on. I have amazing friends both online and irl and am developing decently normal relationships. I’m laughing so much more. I’m becoming more independent. I’ve redeveloped a love for energy drinks, specifically Monster. People have been more kinder to me. I am a trendsetter at my school and everyone talks about me. Im about to get a big paycheck. When I get my proper driver’s license, I’m going to be able to drive around. Im getting my issues solved. Next year I will HOPEFULLY be able to get a house with my partner and we can live on our own.

There’s so much more, but I can’t list them all. Im pretty forgetful. I just think I am healing. There are times where I feel like im not, and where I relapse back into old habits but I believe I’ve been getting better at that. I think that in general I am getting better. I am more grateful for the little things in life. I have no need to look back on the past, get upset about the past, etc. What’s done is done and there’s nothing I can change besides how my future will end up. I have people who love and support me forever and I am glad I do. Whether it’s 2 people or 20, I am happy I am in their presence. I think I am getting okay. It’s only up from here everyone

More Posts from Dysfunctjon and Others

4 weeks ago

When I die nobody will be at my funeral

1 week ago

I don’t have anybody i. don’t have anyone I am freaking out I just want to be left alone

1 year ago

You will never fucking understand what I go through in this specific situation you don’t know and you trying to help me only makes me mad and upset you just don’t fuckjng get it you never will


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1 week ago

I am giving this behavioral hospital a try and if it doesn’t work that will be the confirmation

1 week ago

I want to relapse over and over and over again I don’t know why I don’t I just want to fucking die

4 weeks ago

I don’t have anybody left I am going to die alone

1 week ago

I don’t have anybody

4 weeks ago

I hate being schizophrenic because I was straight up so paranoid I was pregnant and it added onto my breakdown yesterday I beat the fuck out of my uterus and now I’m cramping and I don’t know if I work right down there anymore

1 year ago

I’m an embarrassment to fucking everyone

I hate talking about it. I hate hearing people talk to me. I hate being known. I hate being “out there”. I hate everyone who says they prioritize me then they lie to me. I just wish that I was stable. I wish things were right. I’m so fucking unhappy and I thought I was doing better but I’m just not.

I feel so weird talking to anyone right now. I don’t like it and I don’t want to talk to anybody I want to be left alone forever. I just wish I was dead. It feels like the good times truly could never make up for the misery the rest of my life has to give me. I fucking hate everything. I hate thinking about what comes after. I hate thinking about the death process. I hate it all. I just want it over. I want to escape and just never be known and be alone forever.

I don’t want anyone to have anything to do with me. I feel so depressed and I try not to let these emotions get to me but Jesus Christ it’s so hard not to. My friends all discard me and I get talked over and it’s so tiring.

I just wish I was loved. I wish that I knew I was loved and cared about and praised and adored and whatever the fuck. I wish I didn’t need anyone else’s approval. I’m so fucking over it.


Tags
4 weeks ago

My life is over

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  • barbedwireandfences
    barbedwireandfences liked this · 10 months ago
  • dysfunctjon
    dysfunctjon reblogged this · 1 year ago
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TW FOR EXTREMELY HEAVY VENTING I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. PERSONAL VENT AND INTRUSIVE THOUGHT DIARY

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