I’m Not Giving Up Now

Okay. Just because I've always been fat or chubby or "average" doesn't mean it has to stay this way forever.

I'm in a love-hate relationship with my scars

The other day I got a really hard ball at soccer practice kicked on my arm, not a big deal usually but it hit exactly my fresh cuts and man that shit hurt

Tw: Talk of self harm, vent

So, we got this new girl in our class and she doesn't bother hiding her scars - they're all over her arms and look like they were quite deep and I don't know if I'm wrong or being an asshole for feeling like this, but a while ago I kind of told a friend of mine that I used to cut (I told her "used to" so she wouldn't actively worry and at that time, I was really trying to quit) and now we have to take these stupid swimming classes - and don't get me wrong, I'm actually glad I don't have these permanent bright pink scars (I have some which are like dents in my skin, but mostly mine are white or light pink) and I schedule when I do cut in a way they'll be as healed as possible for the next swimming period - and I just feel like such an attention-seeking crybaby now for having told my friend without even looking like it's bad - heck, maybe she didn't even notice at all, because she hasn't said a word to me about it!

And I feel so bad for feeling somewhat, well, competitive towards that girl in a way, because I didn't start off for attention at all and now the last thing I want is to be discovered probably, but I guess I'm just really worried about what my other friend thinks of me now, but I can impossibly bring it up to her-

It's just really something else when you see something on the internet, sometimes even as "motivation", than seeing it in real life.

i know we’re all mentally ill here and everyone is going to scroll past this but i feel like i have an obligation to make a post like this every few weeks.

i am not romanticizing what i go through at all. i am miserable. this disorder is miserable. please, if there is any hope you can recover, try it. i will be your biggest cheerleader. not because i want to see you gain weight, but because I want to see you live, truly live.

you will probably never make it to your ugw. if you do you will not be happy there, or you will die of complications when you’re finally happy.

realizing that I can ALWAYS lock in, even if I'm 1000 cals deep in a binge I can put the food down and not make it 3000 everything makes a difference in the long run

Nothing compares to the deep sadness I feel whenever my monster can is getting empty and I have only one last sip left

"If you lose some weight you'll fit into that!"

-My 10 year old sister to me as we were looking for outfits to wear at a special event

Like... bitch. But you're right. And no, you weren't "just kidding". It's fine. It's fine. It's FUCKING FINE.

Just gonna do some red paintings on my legs later is all. It's fine.

Come on hip bones, don't be shy I promise I'll treat you kindly pleseaasse poke out alreadyyy