Review: Ruin And Rising

Since the autism acceptance/awareness month started yesterday, let’s learn a basic: what’s up with neurodiversity and neurodivergence?

All people are neurodiverse as a group.

Like all animals and plants are the biodiversity

The neurodiverse people are separated in neurotypical and neurodivergent people.

Some neurodivergent people are autistic

Neurodivergence is a huge spectrum and there is much more to it than just autism or adhd. It’s not synonymous with autism and/or adhd.

Allistic is a term to describe non-autistic people. But allistics can be differently neurodivergent, for example because of borderline or epilepsy.

Neurotypical people are allistic because they are not autistic.

Neurodiverse (if 🦔 is neurotypical)

🦔🦉🐌 🦔🦔🐺🪿🐒🦔🌿 or

🦔🦔🪱 🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔 or

🐌🪱🦆🐴🦐🦇🐡🪿🪱🪿🪿

As you can see it can mean a lot of things.

Neurodivergent:

🐒🐥🦆🪿🦅🦉🐺🐴🦇🐦‍⬛🦉🐌🦆🪱🦐🐡🐿️🌿+

As you can see it means everyone but 🦔

Autistic (if 🦆 is autistic)

🦆🦆🦆🦆

Neurotypical and allistic

🦔🦔🦔🦔

Allistic and neurodivergent

🐥🐦‍⬛🦋🫎🪱🦗🐙🐳🎄🦦

As you can see it’s everyone but 🦔 or 🦆

Am I asking for too much? Just a tea party with pretty cups and way too sweet pastry and open end gossiping session 😭

Granada's The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes S1Ep11, "The Resident Patient" (1985)

In the Summer 2023 I started my jurney of ✨re-wiring my brain ✨ to learn again how to read, how to draw, how to write. How to LET MYSELF do those things. I had a huge blockage in my head for many years due to reasons. You know, trauma alters brains. Also, when you work through Traumata or masking or similar, you might “delete” some connections which leads to #skillregression. Skill regression is a real thing, look it up. And we can sometimes alter it as well by re-learning, by creating new connection. Also, learn something that was “lost” to skill regression. I wish people would research it more, it actually could help so many folx to be able to do things without suffering or do things in general.

So, anyways, since summer 2023 I have been trying to teach myself to read again. I could only read scientific stuff and stuff for my uni (not always, but sometimes) and never finish anything, it was super duber hard labour, my anxiety was yelling and I was trying to concentrate on words in a text while being screamed at by different parts of my brain the whole time. Very tiring. But yeah, it worked, I can sit down and read when the brain fog is not very strong and on some days I can read the whole book in one sitting. Or two books, depending on the size.

So, I just wanted to say, that since then (summer 2023) untill now (March 2025) I have read 38 books of different nature. Sure, some people read 52-60 books a year, but I am not some people. I have issues :) and my Disability is disabiliting 24/7, sometimes more sometimes less. So, I am super proud of myself. I did not believe that it was possible, but it worked. And there is a loooong way to go to learn doing other mostly fun things without feeling like I actually went through an underground passage where everyone is crying, screaming and yelling in fear and despair. That’s how reading felt like 2023 and beginning oh 2024..

(In the last pictures are not the books i‘ve read but I did finished most of them)

I was learning DaVinci Resolve today but ended up working on the next YouTube Video with CapCut, because it’s hard for me to learn new Programms without someone sitting next to me and answering all the questions. I am still very proud of me, because this is the first Study With Me video and it’s really nice ❤️‍🩹✨

Finally re-doing my altar after so many months not getting to it. I miss praying. Sure, nobody needs anything to pray, but last months were very stressful and now finally it becomes easier, so, it’s time to reconnect again. Religion is beautiful when not abused.

Review: the WHY café

Read this today and uff, no, I wrote a book on similar topics and my book is simply better. Don’t wanna brag, but it’s true.

The idea, that once you have found your reason for existence, the thing that you want to do every waking minute of your life, that after that you will have enough money to survive, a job, and oportunities will come to you like it’s universe working for you… it’s fun untill you ask yourself “and what’s about the ill?”

Why does nobody ever thinks about the ill? The Disabled? Those, who don’t have the same room full of “you can do whatever you want”s to choose from?

Made me very angry. So, if I knew what makes me the most fulfilled and happy, and I was knocking at all doors and I was talking to all people about it, learning, creating, trying, working my ass off for this… but then got chronically ill and hat to reconsider everything and give up on bunch of dreams… that means I what, did not want it hard enough? If knowing what you are here for and working towards the fulfilment gets help for universe to make the road easier, does it mean I got punishment? What about people who are d*omg in wars and from diseases? The children even, literal children, why does it happen? Why do most passionate dancers loose legs and writers get brain injuries? I don’t believe in a Christian god who is “testing is”, nor I believe in punishment from “something bigger than we are”. I don’t think people deserved to get ME/CFS and become unable to get up, have a chat, read a book or even deal with smells/light/sounds. I don’t think I was ment to not being able to dance, jump and run, to not be able to wake up and feel rested (ever), to not be able to remember words or what I was doing just in this moment. It’s silly, I need to look for clues when I do things and then forget what I am doing. It’s silly untill it happens to you and you understand, any day your intellectual abilities can just leave you and there is nothing anyone can do.

This book is for health people who are in denial about the fact, that over 80% of Disabilities are not born with. And that at some point in a certain age we all become Disabled and need help and will have access needs. And everyone, especially since 2020, can get things like ME/CFS even if you were healthy before. And then no dream, no fulfilling idea, nothing will help and most certainly not the people around you who so desperately try to forget the existence of chronically ill and Disabled people and about them being just one accident or one unfortunate infection away from becoming one themselves.

Health people are just ✨different✨ in my opinion. If your main problem is not the ultra low amount of spoons, chronic pains, brain fog and not being able to do things most people don’t even think about while doing them.. yeah maybe you can gain smth from this book. But me, haha, I am like that, I just get angry and want to shake folx by their shoulders HONEY DENIAL IS A RIVER IN EGYPT!!

Anyways…

While writing my last (jeppie!) Theater science essay decided to film some sort of “Study with me” but then my phone got a full storage :( so now I have 1h of footage instead of 2 as planned. But that’s ok. It was still fun.

🤎YouTube: Elfs_Tears_Society🤎

Review: Anarchism: Arguments for and Against (by Albert Meltzer)

Very tiny book, less than 100 pages. But quite easy to understand for someone who reads stuff in english besides social media content. I did not know some words and there are definitely some things I need to do research on because I did not complitely understood how smth is ment. But it’s a book full of short answers, which in itself is a great concept. If someone needs/wants to dive deeper they can, but if they don’t want/cannot afford it atm they will have some closer to reality picture of anarchism and how a lot of things that are called anarchism actually are none. I am planing to read some things by Black authors on topic of abolition, but this was definitely helpful to find some ground from which I can move forward.

The book is older and it has no mention of genderqueer people (though it has mention of what’s usually called sexual minorities). I did not see anything about Disability as well.

On topic of books: did you know, that “Breakfast at Tiffanys” is actually about a sexworker? (Idk do we censore those words here?)

It’s so funny to me when some stores have the “there is a Holly Gollightly in every woman” edition of the book with Audrey Hepburn on the cover… I don’t think whoever made this read the actual book. Because no way they mean it because they are sexworkers affirming.

Either ways I will need to read the original one day, but I have some more urgent books to go through first.