Latest Posts by enchantingwarriorprincess - Page 2

I hate myself for crying over someone who doesn't know how to appreciate me. I really hate when I do it. I deserve better. Not someone who comes to me only when they need something. I really deserve better. I wish I know that. I wish myself can realise that and stop crying for God's sake. They don't deserve your tears. Please, respect yourself Loweena.

Why do you do that Loweena? Why are you keep on believing in people? Let's stop. Atleast now. We need to safe ourselves.

WhO wiLL WiN??

Toxin vs Virus

Who do you think will win?

Ask yourself which one will you regrets the most. Not able to live the life you have always dreamed of or not being able to do something you like??

However, keep in mind, till now you don't know what that thing is but you have a clear vision for your future life.

Your answer for this question, will tell you what to do next.

The life I always wanted

I used to be that kind of person who was ready to do anything or more specifically ready to study about anything if that career or job can provide me with a big sum of money. Even when I choose to become a lawyer at the beginning, that was the only reason. The money and fame lawyers have. I wanted that. I even once considered to change that option to a prosecutor (after watching one K-drama) for the only reason if being a prosecutor can give me high status in the society and if I am able to earn a huge sum of money. All my life that has been my only purpose. To earn. To earn a lot of money. A lot. In a honest way. When I knew I didn't have any talents, I chose education as my path. If I could study for a job that could provide me with a huge sum of money, I was so ready to go on that direction. It was the same case, when I checked out food scientist career opportunities. Or every job I looked up for, salary was the first thing I would searched for. And when I encountered toxicology, and found out that toxicology can give me more money, I decided to take that as my degree. Unfortunately, Malaysia didn't had the degree for toxicology. So, I took forensic science as my first option during UPU selection. So I can continue my Masters degree and PhD in toxicology and aimed to worked as a forensic toxicologist. I was very happy with my decision. I thought that after I got my first choice, I can easily go on with my plan and become a forensic toxicologist and live the luxurious life I always wanted with the five to six digit salary I'm going to get. (This was also the very reason why I suddenly became interested in virology after Chan Ammai sent me that picture and asked me to study for that. Because virology provide much more high salary than toxicology does. So I became interested.) Sounds great, doesn't it? And this was also the reason I stressed myself out during SPM and when in matriculation. Because I wanted that perfect score or I was scared that I wouldn't make it. I was scared that I couldn't make it through the heavy competition and won't get the course I wanted. With education being the only hope I had and with no other talent or backup support, it was a life or death situation for me. That was how desperate I was for that life I wanted. I believed that with a high paying job, I can afford the life I wanted.

But at one point in my life, I started looking for what I really like. I started looking for that thing that could make me feel alive. Could it be after I got Marine Biology for my Bachelors degree and not the forensic science I much prayed and hoped for? Or could it be the influence of my very own Bangtan boys who always urged me to love myself and speak myself and helped me do so too? Or could it be the dark phase I had while in Matriculation (and SPM too, probably) that I didn't want to the same to happen to myself again? That one day I started wondering what I really like. Something that would make your heart beat and make me feel alive and wants to live. So, that I won't have regrets in my life. So, my journey to find what I like went on and on but I never was able to find what makes my heart beat. That one thing I really like. At least, not yet. How unfortunate, you could think.

But you know something? Be it the day I was preparing for my UPSR till this very day, I have never ever once imagined myself in a small house or holding a ordinary job. I has always been grand. ALWAYS. And I can say with confident that that is what I want. The life I always wanted. There is where my happiness lies. I believe that. I have imagined my future self doing a lot things. Like doing to overseas for further studies, dining with friends in a large restaurant and showing off how much I have came so they would regret leaving me. Going on travelling. Shopping for lot of cool stuffs all over the world. Imaging myself designing the house I want. Thinking of what furniture to appliances I want. Making a own room for BTS and a home library. Going plastic free and installing solar panel. Attaching one in my parents home too. Buying them flight tickets for they can travel the world too. And remember how I wanted to buy Acca a football ticket for Manchester United match at their home game (?). And above all, seeing myself driving that Tesla! This is what I want. The prayer I always put in front of God. And I will never ever trade this dream life of mine for anything.

So, I asked myself. Will I be content with doing a simple ordinary job as long as it can provide me with food and a home? Am I ready to settle for anything as long as I am doing what I like? Or do I want something more than so-called ordinary life?

Honestly, I have never ever imagine myself settling for less. Never. Not even once. So, what I have to do is, very simple. Do anything that will take me to this life. The life Loweena always wanted. The life Loweena believed that would make her happy, very happy. The life the old Loweena wanted. The life this Loweena will work hard for.

And, with this in mind, let's choose our fyp!! Remember, to do what you need to do, you don't have to be hard on yourself. That was our biggest mistake that brought us into that dark phase. Take it slowly. It doesn't matter as long as you reach that life you wanted. You don't have to rush. That live is awaiting us. We just need to choose the correct path to reach there even if we were to go very slowly. Remember how you want to take a break before continuing your Masters. It wasn't because you are not interest in doing Masters but have to do it anyways that you're doing it. It was because it is a reward you want to give yourself. So that you won't pressure yourself. So that, we can earn money by working and buy ourselves everything we wants before continuing the journey.

It will be all fine. Believe in yourself. Please.

I want both

When I was there today, standing along the shore and doing sampling, I didn't wanted to leave the ocean. I was standing inside the water a bit farther from the shore but not that much. When i turned around and look at the vast ocean, it looked beautiful. The weather was also perfect today, neither too sunny nor cloudy at all. And the timing was also perfect. The chill and waves that were hitting my legs, I didn't wanted to move away from it. Even a step. That's when I thought of it. That I want my future self to do this too. Of course, I want to do laboratory work. I have imagined myself working in a laboratory environment countless times. I have no doubt in that. But after today, it made me realize that I want both. I do want to work in a laboratory but don't want to do it all the times. I also want to come out and work in the field. Meet small to big creatures to see what they're up to and let the wind pass through me. Get myself wet from playing/working in the ocean and get myself tired by fighting the waves just so I can have a good night's sleep. When my tired self comes home, I want to give myself a hot shower and full filling meal and then blop! I want to drop myself on my bed and sleep with no alarm set. Then, once I'm awake, I want to go the laboratory and take a closer look at the new creatures I found. That is how I would like to live. I don't want to spend the whole time stuck in the laboratory. Neither do I want to spend my whole time in the field. I want to do a job which balances both. I want to find pleasure by doing both. At least, that's what I believe.

There are some shots from today!! 💙

Also they was something about the ocean that made me feel weird. Made me feel somehow dizzy. I felt like floating. Today was the first time I'm stepping and standing in the ocean (minusing the time we did sampling for Dr. Mel's fieldwork session) after my diving practice. It somehow felt weird and calming at the same time.

Drop some likes por favor 😘🤗

Dearself,

Let's earn lots of money.

Childhood memories 💕

When I was small, I used to go with my dad for grocery (?) shoppings. And I remember there was this one shop in Alor Gajah town, where is was similar to local marts. It was right in front of Peter uncle's old house and beside it was a bundle shop if I'm not wrong. It can also be seen from the traffic light at the T-junction which comes after passing the now newly opened shop lots with pizza hut, tea live, family mart and so on. So, every time I go there with my dad, he used to buy me this sweet. I loved this sweet that much. It tastes different and even it's colour looks unique (well, atleast for 5/6 year-old-me). I even remember saving it cause I was scared I might run out of it. But afterwards, I never got to eat it for a very long time.

But few days ago, I found this sweet again in one of the stores in UMT. And I was freaking happy. I just grabbed it without thinking hahahaha. Didn't even checked the expiry date until Kuganeshini reminded me of that hahahaha. Anyway, I was so happy I found this sweet again. Might even visit that shop more frequently now just for this sweet 🤭

Know what's the worst feeling is? It is to not know what you did to that person who have been talking with you very friendly that that person stopped talking to you all together. You will have countless thoughts on what could have went wrong, are you really the one to be blame, or did you said something wrong that made them feel hurt, or did you ever crossed the line with them, or could it be that you did something to their precious person that they don't want to talk with you anymore or is there someone else behind everything, or could it be that they have their own problem that they couldn't talk properly (But that still doesn't make sense though sometimes, when you see them talking to others like normal. How could they talk to other nicely but you?). Countless thoughts with no proper answer on when where it went wrong and what caused all these.

And the worst shit is that I have been going through this shit for more than 10 years now.

Kindness is everywhere

Every time you think, there is no more kindness left in the world, there will always be a person to prove to you that you're right. But at the same time, there will always be another person to prove you wrong. You just had to look around to see that person. Just like how someone wrapped me in blanket when I was sleeping in cold when they could've just ignored too.

Story of 14/04/2022

I had to work under the hot sun to the point I was having a very terrible headache. But yet, it was memorable. My very first sampling experience. It wasn't the greatest but I learned something 💙

I want to believe myself more

Today I was asked if I want to take in charge of this certain part of the project. The first thing that came out of my mouth when I was encountered with such thing is that "Me?". Just one word, but it made me see how much lack confidence I have on myself. I was in doubt if I can do it. But I want to believe myself more. I'm so afraid of getting lost. I wish to be more courageous, even when I know for sure I'll get lost. I still want to be lost and find the way back. I wish I'm brave enough to do that.

Life as an introvert 🤎

No matter how busy or how much rush you're in take some time to stop and look up to the sky. The endless sky filled with clouds in the daytime and twinkling stars at nighttime will tell you there's no limit in this world as long as you don't limit yourself in a fixed box 🙂

Why is it wrong only when I do it?

Why do people do that? Why does people assume that I don't want to interact with them? If they say that they're not talking to me because I'm not talking to them, aren't they doing the same thing? They're not talking either though. Then, is it wrong of me to think that people doesn't want to talk me because they are not talking with me? Why does people think that it should always be me to start the conversation. They say that if I want, I am the one that needs to put in the effort. So, does that mean no one wants my friendship? Could I really be the wrong one in this?

Each day that passes by, I'm just hoping that someone would that take step to come and talk to me. That I'll meet someone who is willing to understand that Loweena is like this. That Loweena needs her time with people. Someone who would be kind enough to make conversations with me, even when I'm quiet, don't know what to say or how to react. It started in 2016, since I last had a friend. I hope that people would understand that, I need my time to interact because I wasted all my years living without a friend. I really thought everything would be different once days passes by. But days turned into week, weeks turned into months and months had turned into years long ago but yet here I am still hoping that things would change. That soon I will be able to laugh and make memories too.

Nowadays people are not even smiling at me. Or even if they did, it it being hid behind their mask. It is reminding me of my Matriculation days. I'm scared that the same thing might happen again. I'm scared that I'll have to go through university days without no one by my side again. What happened this morning, hurt me so much. The distinct change in her expression when she saw and when she saw the person behind me, hurt me so much. I want things to change and miracle to happen. I wish people stop assuming. It's hard for me too. I don't want to end up alone. I'm scared of that. Please listen to me god. Please please please do any kind of miracle. Or at least heal me, so I won't be bothered of these things again.

I want to live too. I'm sick of surviving.

Day 3 of Semester 4 as Marine Biology Undergraduate - Part 2

Day 3 of Semester 4 as Marine Biology Undergraduate ❤🐋

I have seen/experienced familiar things before but what happened today was unbelievable. I felt... betrayed. I never thought I would have to go through a day like this and that too involving that particular person. I should never ever think that one is good cause you never know when they'll step away. I was honestly hurt today. Maybe I was being kind towards the wrong person.

I wish that I'd have at least one person, apart from my parents, to ask me if I'm fine, if I need any help, if I had eaten, if I slept well, if I'm having any problem, if I need anything, how I'm doing or just anything 💌

P.s: I do not own the picture

I'm tired of surviving. I want to start living.

If it is a bad day, we are hoping that tomorrow will be a good day. But what if that hope remain as hope only, and the good day never comes? what do we do then? keep hoping?

Seriously???!!! You are really crying because someone didn't say goodbye to you???!!!! Come on Loweena, we can do better! we deserve better. she just didn't know how to appreciate you. That's a loss on her. People always look down if someone want to good things for them. Move on, she just don't deserve your kindness. Don't cry over people like that, You deserve better! Remember that!!

The choice I don't regret taking

When I first went for walk in vaccination after it took too long to get my mysejahtera appointment, they were jabbing Sinovac on that day. So, I was asked, if I want to take Sinovac now or take Pfizer later. Basically I was given choice between Siinovac and Pfizer. So, I chose Pfizer.

The very next day. I was asked by this one person - who I don't want to reveal the identity of - that why I refused to take Sinovac and why does it have to be Pfizer. She/He even asked me what is wrong with Sinovac and that all the vaccines are vaccines, so why choose. So, I told them that I was given a choice and I decided the one i think i want. It wasn't like I got my mysejahtera vaccination appointment, then i went to the PPV, got to knew it was Sinovac, then i reject. NO. It was a walk in. And I decided not to take it then, because I had enough time and most importantly another choice. So, I chose it and believing choosing is my personal thing/right, I stand on my point. Even when there was someone 'questioning' me.

Now, look what has happened. Everyone with Sinovac double dose, must take their booster or their vaccination status will be reduced. So, if I had taken Sinovac back then and wasn't able to get booster on time now, it would've been a disaster for me. I wouldn't have been able to travel anywhere, not even to back home. And that's it. The choice I don't regret taking. Thanks to God for giving me choice and proud of myself for making the right decision.

Not every time the sky would be clear, and that's perfectly fine 🌊

🚩Looking for friend!!

Hey there! I hope you're having a great day. Which I hope I'll have soon. The reason I'm writing this post now is because I am looking for a friend. I'm sick of waiting for a miracle, hoping that my friend will surely appear in front of me and we'll have the great time of my time. I'm tried of spending my time alone with no one beside me to create memories or share the memories with me, to laugh with me and to be there when I am having a hard time. I no more want to be jealous of other who have friends, who go together everywhere there are going, or eat together or celebrate each other's birthdays together. Thus, here I am looking for a friend. At least an online friend. Below are about me:

Name: Loweena

Nationality: Malaysian

Age:21

Zodiac: Capricorn

Characteristics: Willing to change myself, as long as you stay as my friend. I just need a friend. Anyone. From anywhere. From any age. It doesn't matter. I can be your friend.

SLIDE TO DM IF YOU'RE INTERESTED IN BECOMING MY FRIEND.

I'm 21 ❤

I turn 21 today. On 5th of January 2022. Somehow I'm very proud that I achieved this number. 21 years of living, how many times have I cried over so many ridiculous and heartbreaking things and how many times have I genuinely laugh out loud. 21 years of living, I have learnt a lot. And I want to keep on learning. And I want to see the world. not just the small world I've seen so far but the big wide world out there. I want to go and explore and maybe find a friend. It's been more than 6 years since I had a friend. since the last time, my ex so-called best friend left me without even telling me why. Oh wait, she did when I asked. She told me that my moody self was annoying and that she didn't wanted my friendship anymore. Well at least she had a reason for leaving, unlike the other so-called best friend I had, who stopped talking all of a sudden without any reason (rumors have it that her mother hated me for being friend with the girl she dislike so my wonderful ex best friend being the loyal daughter she is, cut off my friendship *sighs*). Thanks to god everything is in past tense. I haven't find any best friend or even a close friend since then but I honestly wish I will soon. And there it is my birthday wish. To find a best friend. But I don't want to force myself to find a friend. I don't think i cant effort to lose another friend after treating them as my best friend with my whole heart. That hurts a lot. A lot. I want best friend, my genuine and desperate wish. it feels so jealous to see everyone having a good time with their best friends, seeing them eating together, going out together and spending time together. I wish I'll have those days soon too.

And my second wish is to be brave. I know I've always been brave, but I wish I have a little more or maybe even a lot more of braveness. they said the first step is the scariest and once you move pass that everything else will fall into place. but the thing is, to take that very first step, the amount of courage ness you are going to need is indescribable. Some does it easily, and some needs that extra spoon of courage to take that first step. In my case, I think I'm going to need a whole bucket of that courage hahahaha. Like I said, I have always been brave, when i went to the beach alone for the first time when in matriculation (it still scares me how anything could have happened, just anything when that grab driver went to a wrong deserted place because i chose the place wrongly.) But don't worry. I don't make sill mistakes like choosing wrong destination anymore. You know I'm 21. Or even i had to go to hospital last year due to lack of Hb and almost got blood transfusion. I cried a lot but I was still brave for being able to face it. Well, at least for me. I know I'm brave but I would like to be more brave. I believe i will be soon.

I wanna live. live the life I want. be happy and do everything I wish I can. I want to be more brave.. Let's live; happily and bravely.

Happy Birthday Dearest self ❤ We gonna live this year to the fullest. Let's be brave and face everything ❤💫

Today's view 😇