Enemies-to-friends-to-lovers - Comfort Crowd

You said your wish is to cook a favorite dish for someone you like. As for me, when I have a lover, I always let my lover win. When was I ever your lover? You might not be now. But you will be soon. 

Can you talk more about “I don’t want to fall for a man” because I am curious about your thoughts!

OOooh YES I CAN!

So I am an out and proud bi woman, and I grew up in a household where my parents (even my terrible one) told me it was okay to be gay. 

BUT I also grew up in a conservative town full of anti-gay rhetoric and lots of conservative ideas, so no matter how much my mum told me “it’s okay if you like girls” everything outside the walls of my house told me that that wasn’t true. 

I didn’t hate gay people, I wasn’t outwardly homophobic, in fact I outwardly was very supportive of the lgbt+ community, but the internal homophobia was VERY real. I convinced myself that everyone looked at girls like that, that even if you’re not gay, everyone knows that girls are just attractive, that’s just a fact. In my defence, it is, but I digress. 

There’s an annoying trope that comes up in so many Thai BLs like “I’m not gay I just like [INSERT NAME HERE]” because as everybody knows, you’re 100% straight if you are in love with, live with, marry and grow old with another man. These are indisputable facts. 

Almost none of them ever say they are bi or demi or pan, it’s pretty much always “not gay just you” or “oh I’m gay now, weird that” despite expressing interest in only women before that, and firstly that’s a massive amount of biphobia so jot that down. Secondly, it’s an incredibly heterosexual way to portray lgbt+ stories, and it’s honestly just boring to see at this point, like I had such high hopes for Tonhon Chonlattee and then it played itself out in the straightest way possible and I was just sort of baffled? by the time it finished. 

But Zhou Shu Yi doesn’t say “I’m not gay” he says “I don’t want to fall for a man”. When he tells Gao Shi De he has feelings for him, he doesn’t say “I’m not gay I just like you” he says “Because it’s you. I have no choice.” and those are VERY VERY different things. 

“I don’t want to fall for a man” is the kind of phrase that I think almost everyone in the lgbt+ community has thought some variation of. It’s something I thought a lot growing up - “I don’t want to like girls” “I don’t want to be a lesbian” “I don’t want to have a crush on [insert name here]”. I imagine - although I can’t confirm this - that it is NOT a phrase that straight people would be so intimately familiar with. For straight people who never question their sexuality, the statement would be “I’m not gay” not “I don’t want to be gay”. 

Why would you worry about wanting something if you know you don’t?

It’s a fear response to knowing you have those feelings but not wanting to address it: “I don’t want to feel that way because if I admit that I do, then it’s admitting that I’m different and that my life is going to change.”

And when Gao Shi De says “I thought you didn’t like boys” Shu Yi doesn’t say “I don’t, I just like you” he says “Because it’s you.” It’s not a dismissal of queer feelings or people, it’s an admittance that Gao Shi De is the thing that makes him stop wanting to suppress the thought of falling for a man, that he’s already fallen so there’s no point trying to run away from it anymore. 

Honestly it’s some of the best bisexual/demisexual representation I’ve ever seen? On this tiny Taiwanese BL with nowhere a big enough fanbase that deserves WAY more? and I just… It made me feel SO seen, it acknowledged a part of queer culture that I don’t often see on TV, even in BLs and I think that’s beautiful.

This moment is so important. When they finally discuss their pain aloud, forgive one another, and put the blame where it rightfully belongs; on their parents. While reassuring each other that in spite of everything that's happened and the pressure from the people around them, they definitely don't hate each other. & it breaks my heart how desperately they both (but especially Pran) needed to hear that but the relief on their faces when they do makes it all worth it. This is the moment they finally begin to break free from the influence of their families. NOW they can start moving forward together.

the very first time.

THE ECLIPSE [2022] | EP. 11

..help? 

pan people are allowed to:

have gender preferences

not have gender preferences

be attracted to genders in different ways

be attracted to genders in the same way

experience attraction where gender is a determining factor

experience attraction where gender is not a determining factor

be in any kind of relationship

not be in any relationship at all

use gay/bi/queer/etc as personal umbrella terms

also identify as bi

not want to be referred to as anything but pan

be aro, ace, aroace, or anywhere on the ace/aro spectrums

have control over the terminology used to refer to them

have full control over their identity/label(s) in general

this has been a psa

“relax.”

BBS EP12: The Small Moments (or Attack of the Parallels)

I’ve now watched this perfect episode half a dozen times and keep discovering these small, quiet moments that P’Aof sneaks in between the bigger ones. P’Aof is so adept at layering his narrative; he’s like a puzzle maker revealing small pieces at a time that seemingly don’t fit only for it to form a full and complete picture later. It reminds me of those i-spy/hidden picture books, there’s just so much to look at that you miss out on the tiny details that make the whole thing just sing. He’s also great at crafting the series as a complete journey with many call backs to previous scenes. 

We open with Pat waking up and brushing his teeth. He takes several beats here to stare wistfully at his toothbrush. The first time I watched this I interpreted this as him remembering Pran putting toothpaste on his toothbrush for him. BUT on rewatch, I re-interpreted this as Pat missing Pran and wondering if he’s awake and going about his morning routines too. Then we jump to Pran doing that very thing. It’s a nod to the opening sequence of EP2 where we see them each getting ready for their morning classes. This seemingly small detail is so well done.

In the high school flashbacks we are shown that PatPran have always been looking at each other and still are years later. Pat finally got his man’s attention after so much pigtail-pulling antics, but it’s only more recently that he learns he’s always had it.

When Pat opens the door and reveals Pran, we can see him visibly swallowing like he has to catch his breath or stop himself from reaching out and grabbing Pran. Such a great small detail by Ohm.

The micellar face wiping scene needs no explanation. And that line you’re still the cutest, put your face on my palm I am lit from within every time I watch this scene.

Pran’s I hate you from EP4 compared to Pran’s I still hate you in this episode. We know both times it’s him saying the opposite and Pat knows it now too.

Pat’s come here when he shows Pran the memory board. Another great call back to EP5′s come here. Same words, same intent but different delivery.

Pat kept most of Pran’s emoji lights because he misses him and simultaneously wanted to recreate their college ‘love nest’. He even kept all their post-it notes, what a Pran thing to do.

Their entire duologue about being rivals (this guy with the fierce eyes is Pat/This guy with the dimples is Pran) while standing in front of the memory board is a call back to their first reunion in EP1. Then we see the young versions of themselves standing in front of their respective houses in the same way the grown versions do in both the end of EP11 and in this episode. Magnificient parallels.

The running gag of Pran forgetting his earbuds case and Pran ‘scenting’ his friend/unfriend shirt for Pat. It’s comforting that years later Pat still isn’t over Pran’s smell.

The fake enemies walking towards each other on campus only to hook pinkies as they pass is a great nod to EP7′s “the bet” when they secretly held hands at the bus stop.

Pat bundled in a comforter with Nong Nao in his arms rushing over to Pran’s for a sleepover. Such small yet so complete detailing.

The return to the noodle stand in front of their dorms where Pran orders an extra wonton for Pat to steal. What a sweet call back to EP3 and the hilarious chopsticks duel. Also note that Pran lines up his chopsticks to make sure they’re even. This show is so amazingly consistent with its characterization.

Pat asking Pran when he’ll get to enter his house normally like other people and Pran’s response that’s for other people and Pat isn’t one of them and why would he want to be? Pat has special access, for life. What a simple, perfect response.

In Pran’s room, PatPran sing “Just Friends” to each other while Pran’s parents are downstairs. Such a great juxtaposition to his parents walking in and disrupting their Christmas performance of the same song but now with different results. I can’t get over Dissaya’s quiet smile here and Dad knowingly placing his head on her shoulder saying I’m proud of you honey. I’ve said it before but it’s worth mentioning again, this was my favorite non-PatPran scene of the episode.

The string-can telephone scene on the balcony- how they had young PatPran dressed in the same color scheme and style as their older selves is such a small detail but man does it stick the landing.

Pat singing Same Page when he kisses Pran during their nighttime picnic on Pat’s patio. So many sweet moments in this scene calling back to their competitiveness.

Pat knowing that the first song Pran ever learned guitar chords for is from the band So Cool is such a great call back to EP5. Something Pran probably doesn’t go around broadcasting, but Pat is adorably proud of himself for knowing this about Pran that nobody else does.

PatPran engaging in foreplay and chasing each other in the bonus credit scene was perfection and also is a big nod to their race to their dorms in EP3. 

The background music in this episode was on point. They used so many recognizable songs from the series creating this feeling of nostalgia and warmth, it never feels overdone or formulaic- just cozy and familar, like coming home.

I may go back and do these small moments and parallels for each episode at some point, maybe. In the meantime, you can find my intital reaction on my first viewing of EP12 here.

We could just tell them we glued out hands together. What kind of excuse is that?