Falmorrune - Rainy Day

I would be whipped if I said them

“You’re so calm and quiet, you never say. But there are things inside you. I see them sometimes, hiding in your eyes.”

— Tracy Chevalier, Girl with a Pearl Earring

dying inside while pretending that everything’s fine

I feel like such a bad person.

Am I truly a bad person for wanting to just talk? I feel like I always am a bad person. Sometimes I wanna talk about current problems and other times I bring up my own past or other people's pasts. I try not to I just find myself doing it out of habit from always being stuck in MY past. I feel like if I ever want to talk to someone about how I feel that I am being to overbearing and putting to much on just one person, so then I just stop talking in general. I always get upset really easily too when something out of nowhere bothers me, like a simple little thought that just happens to pop into my head. I try not to let it out on other people but then I just get so overwhelmed that that I let it out on everyone who cares about me. Then I cry later because I think of sh!tty of a person I am for doing that to the people I love. What makes this all ten times worse it that I have Bipolar and I don't know how to control my emotions fully (I am working on it slowly) and it sucks because then it effects all of the relationships I have with people; whether that's a friendship, family relationship, or an actual relationship. It just sucks feeling like a bad person or the one who causes all the problems all the time.

… I realized I’m an outsider again

I worked so hard to avoid this feeling

But it seems I always isolate myself with my mistakes

I put to much pressure on myself

and my relationships

leaving me to start over and once again,

be alone

- Divine

How To Develop Self Respect ✨

Understand your strengths, weaknesses, what you believe, and what you want. This is like the starting point for respecting yourself.

Decide how you want others to treat you. Say "no" when you need to and think about what's best for you.

Stop saying bad things about yourself. Say nice things instead, just like you would to a friend.

Eat healthy food, sleep well, and do things that make you happy and relaxed.

Set things you want to do and finish. When you do them, you'll feel really good about yourself.

When you mess up, don't be too hard on yourself. Think about what you can learn and do better next time.

Be with people who make you feel good and avoid people who make you feel bad.

Say what you want or how you feel in a strong but nice way.

If you do something wrong, don't be mad at yourself forever. Everybody makes mistakes.

Sometimes, think about the things you do and why you do them. This helps you stay true to yourself.

When you do something good, even if it's small, give yourself a pat on the back.

Think about the good things in your life. This can make you feel happier and better about yourself.

I have a distinct memory of laying in my bed as a kid and wishing with all my heart that I would get hurt. That I would get into a bad car crash or I'd disappear. So my parents would cry and realize they didn't cherish me enough.

I find it sad that younger me thought she had to get hurt to feel loved.

you didn't say goodbye and part of me believes that means you are coming back