Took A Long Time To Register Heh😅

being in your twenties is like I should've k*lled myself but now it's too late

warning, im gonna vent a lil

it’s really hard to comprehend how much i truly mean to someone. someone who was there since day one, who i’ve known all my life. they are the only person who knows me inside out and stayed when they saw who i really was. they liked me for me, and they never judged me a day in the years we spent together. how could someone leave after all that time?

all those promises, all those nights they reassured me that they’d never leave. that they’d never abandon me like everyone else did. all those nights i sobbed to them that i was scared that they’d leave, the same nights they’d convince me they were here to stay. even after all that, they still left. all those promises, all the things they had ever said to me meant nothing. i meant nothing to them.

and it’s not cruel that they left, it’s cruel because i wholeheartedly believed them.

“It’s always been hard for me to tell the difference between denial and what used to be known as hope.”

— Michael Chabon

Virginia Woolf, from a letter to Vanessa Bell written c. August 1908

I feel like such a bad person.

Am I truly a bad person for wanting to just talk? I feel like I always am a bad person. Sometimes I wanna talk about current problems and other times I bring up my own past or other people's pasts. I try not to I just find myself doing it out of habit from always being stuck in MY past. I feel like if I ever want to talk to someone about how I feel that I am being to overbearing and putting to much on just one person, so then I just stop talking in general. I always get upset really easily too when something out of nowhere bothers me, like a simple little thought that just happens to pop into my head. I try not to let it out on other people but then I just get so overwhelmed that that I let it out on everyone who cares about me. Then I cry later because I think of sh!tty of a person I am for doing that to the people I love. What makes this all ten times worse it that I have Bipolar and I don't know how to control my emotions fully (I am working on it slowly) and it sucks because then it effects all of the relationships I have with people; whether that's a friendship, family relationship, or an actual relationship. It just sucks feeling like a bad person or the one who causes all the problems all the time.

Touched by fire scent of smoke you are the sinner I'll love most again tomorrow.

Cole A.

Dejaré de creer en la bondad del corazón humano hasta que el mismo ser humano me demuestre lo contrario.

I will stop believing in the goodness of the human heart until the same human being proves me otherwise.

There’s something so bittersweet about August.

About trying to savour those last little bits of the summer. Of the constant ache in your chest. The sunshine. The uncertainty.

I drive by so many empty childhood homes. They look the same, but there’s a solemn silence. You used to live there, remember that? I do.

The summer is ending. The leaves are changing.

But as always, August comes and goes, and with it so do I.

I embrace it, and I embrace you. Crying, and laughing, and saying goodbye with a smile.

(Maybe) I’ll see you again next year

Sincerely,

A girl homesick for a place she hasn’t left yet

“you don’t owe anyone anything” actually you owe everyone everything!!! you OWE your table server and your coworkers and the elderly person you pass on the street and the dog on its walk and the child toddling along in the park and the driver trying to merge next to you and the pregnant person standing on public transport KINDNESS in return for theirs!! the connections we build are what give life meaning!!!