“you Don’t Owe Anyone Anything” Actually You Owe Everyone Everything!!! You OWE Your Table Server

Took a long time to register heh😅

We try to act fun to make the other person feel comfortable. But this doesn't work. We act the other way. Again this doesn’t work. Or any other way. If a person is not even an ounce of interested in you, even if you try a world of things, it won't work any good. This is how my balance gets disrupted. Never change to make people happy. You will suffer. Always be yourself

Why is it that the people you want to stay wants to leave and the people you want to leave wants to stay?

I feel like such a bad person.

Am I truly a bad person for wanting to just talk? I feel like I always am a bad person. Sometimes I wanna talk about current problems and other times I bring up my own past or other people's pasts. I try not to I just find myself doing it out of habit from always being stuck in MY past. I feel like if I ever want to talk to someone about how I feel that I am being to overbearing and putting to much on just one person, so then I just stop talking in general. I always get upset really easily too when something out of nowhere bothers me, like a simple little thought that just happens to pop into my head. I try not to let it out on other people but then I just get so overwhelmed that that I let it out on everyone who cares about me. Then I cry later because I think of sh!tty of a person I am for doing that to the people I love. What makes this all ten times worse it that I have Bipolar and I don't know how to control my emotions fully (I am working on it slowly) and it sucks because then it effects all of the relationships I have with people; whether that's a friendship, family relationship, or an actual relationship. It just sucks feeling like a bad person or the one who causes all the problems all the time.

THE REAPER AND ME.

When The Reaper came a calling,

I knew that I must stall him,

I must keep The Reaper talking,

Or with him I must go walking.

I offered him a drink,

Just to give me time to think,

And though his drink was spiced,

He said it was quite nice.

He got drowsy and so sleepy,

But he still looked pale and creepy,

And his voice was slurred and slow,

When he said it's time to go.

I offered him another one,

And I could see that he was having fun,

His scythe forgotten on the ground,

And his singing made an eerie sound.

Then he began a yawning,

As I was praying for the dawning,

I must keep him here till the sun was up,

So I offered him another drop.

He slept right through till past midday,

Then said we must be on our way,

Then I pulled the curtains and let in the light,

And The Reaper got an awful fright.

You tricked me fair, he said to me,

You have tricked your way from eternity,

And when night falls down I will leave alone,

And leave you living in your home.

But do you mind if I call sometime,

To share your whisky and your fine wine,

Because it was the best time I've ever had,

And you must surely see that I'm not that bad.

Now every month when the moon is full,

The Reaper calls when his work gets dull,

From dusk till dawn we sit and drink,

Then he falls asleep as the sky turns pink.

But his company sure wears me down,

And when drunk he looks like an evil clown,

And my suffering wife gets real upset,

Because our house just reeks and stinks of death.

@Ambrose Harte

@Scattered Thoughts

i need to be knocked out

to stop the delusions

that keep hurting me

realizing that you belong to someone

that isnt me

warning, im gonna vent a lil

it’s really hard to comprehend how much i truly mean to someone. someone who was there since day one, who i’ve known all my life. they are the only person who knows me inside out and stayed when they saw who i really was. they liked me for me, and they never judged me a day in the years we spent together. how could someone leave after all that time?

all those promises, all those nights they reassured me that they’d never leave. that they’d never abandon me like everyone else did. all those nights i sobbed to them that i was scared that they’d leave, the same nights they’d convince me they were here to stay. even after all that, they still left. all those promises, all the things they had ever said to me meant nothing. i meant nothing to them.

and it’s not cruel that they left, it’s cruel because i wholeheartedly believed them.

heavy heart and tired eyes.