Falmorrune - Rainy Day

I would be whipped if I said them

“You’re so calm and quiet, you never say. But there are things inside you. I see them sometimes, hiding in your eyes.”

— Tracy Chevalier, Girl with a Pearl Earring

They will find someone better than you. They will replace you.

You are replaceable.

“I’d spent so long trying to fit in, trying to be someone I wasn’t, that I had no idea who I was any more.”

— Dorothy Koomson, The Rose Petal Beach

“There’s always a little truth behind “just kidding”, a little knowledge behind “I don’t know”, a little emotion behind “I don’t care”, and a little pain behind “It’s okay”.”

— Unknown

august 12

on days like this

i want to yell at you

i want to scream at you

push you around

and tell you that past me is hurting

and she’s crying on the ground

the old me is nowhere to be found

all because you picked up that phone

on days like this

i want to wish you misfortune

because for this past year

thats the only thing i got

on days like this

i want to kick and scream and cry

all because you hurt me

you hurt every inch of my body

and my head is now throbbing

with anger

you go on like august 12th is another day

on that calendar of yours

that you cross off

but for me august 12th

is the day i question my sanity

its the day i lost a piece of myself

is there anything i could have done

to change your mind

is there anything i could’ve done

to stop you from saying goodbye

august the 12th is the day i failed

to get closure from you

and august the 12th is the day

i wish i was never alive

“Connection is either there or it’s not.”

I heard that this morning, and all I can think about since, is how some people have no idea what deep connection feels like. They carry on, sipping their tea, smiling at the sunset in the company of a stranger, and they long for nothing. I’d be a liar if I said that I didn’t envy something about that. Because once you know deep connection, surface level feels like drowning. And well, I’ve been gasping for air for quite some time now.