He's My New Reason To Live

URGENT HELP PLEASE DONATE TO HELP MY FAMILY DURING THIS DIFFICULT MOMENTS.

I am Kelly, My family is in danger. They are trapped in a city in Gaza called Rafah. They fled there because my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer and the only chemo treatment she could receive was there. Due to a militia that is increasingly taking over the country and bombing hospitals, all of the disabled, sick and elderly had to flea to Rafah to get medical treatment. Hundreds of thousands of Gaza people fled out of Rafah earlier this week after the militia overtook the Gaza military. My family was unable to flee because my grandmother is elderly and sick.

As of yesterday, my grandmother, disabled aunt, aunt who is sick with Malaria and my two teenage girl cousins were trapped at the top of an apartment building that has been overtaken by militia. They are helpless.

My aunts are sick and they have been injured. My two cousins are just children. Please help my family.

TARGET $1250/$15500

CLICK HERE TO DONATE

I am Kelly, My family is in danger. They are trapped in a city in Gaza called Rafah. They fled there because my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer and the only chemo treatment she could receive was there. Due to a militia that is increasingly taking over the country and bombing hospitals, all of the disabled, sick and elderly had to flea to Rafah to get medical treatment. Hundreds of thousands of Gaza people fled out of Rafah earlier this week after the militia overtook the Gaza military. My family was unable to flee because my grandmother is elderly and sick.

As of yesterday, my grandmother, disabled aunt, aunt who is sick with Malaria and my two teenage girl cousins were trapped at the top of an apartment building that has been overtaken by militia. They are helpless.

My aunts are sick and they have been injured. My two cousins are just children. Please help my family in one of two ways.

I'm sorry that happened to you and your family, but I don't know how to help. I'm a teenage kid in America, would reposting links to resources that are looking to help you all do something? If so what links could I use that are actually helping.

I hate this place. I hate these people. I want blood. I want violence. I want shouting and aggression. I want them to hurt. I want everyone to scream. They all fucking deserve it. I hate them. How fucking dare these people treat me like this? They need to hurt. I want them gone. I am so done with people. I'm so done being nice and kind and sweet. I'm done being mature. Die. Hurt. Bleed. Cry. Give me the satisfaction of your suffering for what you've done to me. Every last one of them need to feel what I've felt. Every single person I know has hurt me in one way or another or simply pissed me off. The audacity. The fucking gull. Even my friends have pushed me around. I run around making everyone happy trying to please everyone and make sure everyone is comfortable, being mature and keeping myself hidden to make people happy. I'm done. Done. If I make you uncomfortable? Cry. I hurt you? Jump. I'm so tired of making the right choice. Kys. Slit your throat and die. I don't care. I've had enough. You all ALL have pushed me one too many times. You can swallow me then choke on your own pathetic mess of self. I am going to make everyone hate me and fear me because trying to make everyone love me is hell. Everything hurts because of everyone so it's only fair if I return the fucking favor. I want to see their hope dwindle in their eyes. I need them to hurt. God I want them to be knocked off their high horse and feel hopeless. I want them to realize how badly they have fucked me up.

TW for idk depression or whatever.

I hate it. I hate all of it.

I crave connection, I grave love of all kinds, I want peace. I can't seem to have any of it. No matter how hard I try I can't feel romantic love, or even feel a real connection with people. The only time I get something close to that feeling is when I get attached to a piece of media.

I'm so alone but not in the sense that I don't have people in my life but in the sense that I don't have connection. It's like a prison and I can't escape it.

I feel like a monster in chains locked away in a deep dark pit of hell. Maybe I deserved it but I don't know. I just know that my emotions are so volatile that I hate it. I hate me. I hate everything about me, but I don't even know who me is. I hate the way my body is, more than just being trans but also because it's not what I want it to be. I hate my personality because I can't understand it. I hate myself because I don't understand it.

No mather how hard I try I always fall into something deeper then before. I hate it. I'm scared, tired, and fucking angry. So fucking scared and angry.

It's like a wild mutt that bites anything that comes near, threat or not.

I just want to stop. All of it. Just not exist. Not even die just, no existence. I shouldn't have been born, I shouldn't have survived my first attempt at 7, and I shouldn't be here. I should be gone. I shouldn't exist. I'm not built for anything that society sees and being human.

I want to go home. But what is home?

The worst part is I feel guilty for simply existing. Everything I do and feel and think is like a slap onto my mother's face. What's even worse is the fact a part of me still hates her.

It's horrible and I want it to end. I want it all to end. It's driving me crazy. I'm going fucking insane. It's a never ending cycle. It gets better and I think things are going okay and then one thing fucks it all up. Everything slams me down into the floor and I look like a fool. It's like the fucking universe wants me to continuously suffer.

I hate it when people tell me that it'll get better or when religious people try to tell me that I'm gods strongest soldier. I hate it when people tell me I'm strong and brave and all that bullshit. Cut the fucking crap, I know what I am. I'm a fucking shattered mess that's terrified and will cut anything without warning.

I'm mean. I'm scared. I'm tried. I'm bored. I'm empty. I'm nothing. I'm everything.

It's insanity. Just make it stop. Make it all stop. Please. I'm so tired. Let me disappear.

I love my friends but sometimes the shit they say it do make me so fucking mad or uncomfortable. Like I get that it was probably a joke but I'm not too accepting to those jokes rn especially with the way the responded when I said smt back. Like you can't be offended when I say that. Ugh. I want sleep.

if you can’t eat a whole meal, eat half. you ate, that’s what is important.

if you can’t get out of bed, try and sit up instead of lying down. it’ll be better for your back and your blood pressure.

if you can’t shower or have a bath today, try and brush your teeth and clean your ears. it’ll keep you a little cleaner, and we often forget those areas. 

if you can’t get dressed today, change underwear and use some deoderant. it’ll leave you a little fresher until you have the strength to change fully.

and remember, i’m very proud of you. your best will look different every day, and that’s okay.

Once you get this, you have to say five things you like about yourself, publicly. Then you have to send this to ten of your favourite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool~) 🌈🌈

Uhmmm this is hard.

I like my hair and eyes, that's two.

I like how I protect people. That's three.

Uhmmm. Dawg this is hard 😭

I like how decent I am at keeping my mental health good ish? I also like how despite having ASPD I am a decent person I guess? That's five.

So yeah. Fun :)

Hello my dears! I am asking you to support my campaign to help me achieve my goal. I desperately need your support now to help my family survive and be safe. Gaza is a very dangerous place both in terms of livelihood and life. I need your financial support so that I can obtain the basic needs of my family until the Rafah crossing is reopened to transport my family to safety and peace. Please help a family survive through your small donations or through your contributions to others. Thank you very much for standing with the attendees

https://gofund.me/eb1d4499 please 🇵🇸

I can't do much but someone else can, I'll repost it.

I apologize for what I am going to say to you, but I have to. I am Ahmed from Gaza, married with two children. We live in the shadow of war and destruction. I lost my brother, my home, and most of my relatives. We have nothing left. I ask you to help, even a little, so that we can survive and protect my children. Any amount, even a small amount, will save our lives.

https://gofund.me/991535b1

I can't do much but I will post this in hopes someone can help my dear. May whatever you believe in be there for you my friend.