The Onion’s journalism is the only journalism that matters. Holy fuck.
jimmy doesn’t practice knife safety
”you look better in this shirt. you always wear black” maybe cus i have severe body dysmorphia and am insecure about everuthint thanks dad no one asked. i feel like a bop
cutting myself getting a scratch
accidently
just heard someone say "revision is just doubting you knowledge" and i cant stop thinking abt it
when sirius and james accidentally find out about regulus’ crush on james, sirius makes the mistake of assuming him and james are on the same page and tells him he trusts him to do the right thing (ie let regulus down easy) james misinterprets this as sirius trusting him to never do anything that could hurt regulus and starts planning the wedding
* gets into a very bad depressive episode *
me: yk what. I FEEL LIKE IT'S TIME TO GO BACK TO TUMBLR
Regulus and Sirius bickering: Sirius: No, I'm correct! Shut the fuck up you cunt. Regulus: No you shut up you bitch. Sirius: BUT THAT'S NOT HOW YOU OPEN THE SALSA JAR- Regulus: How would a LITERAL BITCH know? Sirius: Sirius: I never should've told you about my animagus