Flying-thoughts - Just Derya

Trying to be a strong woman, I grew balls😂😂😂

I like to help. But sometimes I also want help.

I'm good at giving.

I listen, I'm there, I support, I carry.

It makes me happy when I can do someone good.

But deep inside me there is also a desire:

For someone to be there for me.

Not because I have fallen.

Not because I'm strong.

But simply because sometimes I don't know what to do.

I want to learn to accept help - without

without feeling bad about it.

Without having to give back straight away.

Without thinking about whether I'm asking too much.

I want to trust.

That I don't have to do anything to be kept.

I just can't keep my mouth shut 🥹

I have so much to say and so I know this is the time to stay silent; to continue working on myself until I have nothing to say: only then can I speak with wisdom.

— a Spiritual Warrior

A poem by Christian Morgenstern, who would be 154 years old today.

"This goes out to you":

It's for you and me and everyone:

Be more, talk less,

say less, ask less, complain less,

turn the heat inwards more;

keep our tongues in check,

not always repeating the same old

phrases and places,

shy away from phrases and grimaces in everything;

Examine slowly, like to be modest,

avoid all quick prejudices;

suffice ourselves in the indispensable,

Simplify ourselves, reverence ourselves,

one from childhood to old age:

strive to become wise, wise.

From dear Derya to Derya's heart

I don't write to you anymore, I write to myself. because in this story I was the most tired, the most silent, the most understanding.

All this time I tried to understand you, out of a sense of sisterhood, out of loyalty to the family, out of a debt to the past, but now I realise: understanding doesn't mean I have to forgive.

You have expressed your reality many times. but I tried to swallow my own experiences and feelings.

Each time it stayed in my throat. Even in my dreams it sat in me like raw meat, the taste of which still lingers on my palate.

I don't want that taste anymore.

I no longer try to digest the relationships that hurt me.

I no longer silence myself.

I no longer feel guilty.

And most importantly: I'm on my own side now.

You won't have the last word. Because this is not a court of law. This is my life. And only I decide which door to leave open.

That's enough now.

This letter is not about you, it's about me.

I'm liberating myself.

I'm blessing my fragility.

And finally, I choose to hear my own inner voice.

With love,

Derya

Emotional Border Letter - Derya's promise to herself

You don't need to understand anymore.

It's not for you to weigh, measure, question the feelings I'm experiencing.

I opened up to you, I wanted you to hear my voice.

But every time you tried to pull me into your story.

By ignoring my story.

Now I am silent. But this is not a defeat.

This silence is not an escape.

It's a limit.

It's my right to protect myself.

It's my right to choose my inner peace.

This is my determination to stand on my own side from now on.

Keep everything that is rightfully yours.

I will no longer carry burdens that are not mine.

I let go of guilt, obligation, shame.

Because I want to walk only with my essence.

I owe only my own heart.

And now I pay that debt:

I forgive, love and protect myself.

This is my inner farewell letter.

Not to you, but to myself, whom I have silenced in the past.

I exist now.

And that's how I'm okay.

-Derya

Definitely 🥹

Foça is a town and district in Turkey's İzmir Province, on the Aegean coast.