It Honestly Feels So Hurtful & Insulting To See People ID As Fictionkin For "fun" When My Experience

hey! it’s been a while since i’ve written any resource posts, and this is a little more of a positivity post than a resource, but hopefully it will be helpful.

i’ve seen a lot of selfshippers/fictos talking about why and when these practices are acceptable and when they “cross the line.” in my opinion, i think some of these statements can create an uncomfortable or even implicitly hostile environment for certain mentally ill selfshippers and fictos, as well as reinforce ideas the community is trying to fight. these statements, even given various nuances, boil down to a few core ideas a number of people in the community seem to hold. the idea seems to be that “selfship is OK because it is just for fun/a coping mechanism, and selfshippers can still date in real life. because selfship is just for fun/a coping mechanism, taking it too seriously inherently means a loss of touch with reality, which is a personal fault.”

my greatest concern with this has been that it is potentially rather dismissive of the feelings of mentally ill selfshippers who experience psychosis. such people DO have a loss of touch with reality, through no fault of their own - and for many, this is something they cannot “fix,” even with medication or therapy. if one’s psychosis influences them to believe in or experience something that isn’t objectively real, but this belief or experience does not cause them distress or even improves their quality of life, it is not the responsibility of individuals without the condition to denigrate their experiences or urge them to “fix” their psychosis. in a community which is vocally supportive of mentally ill people, it is the responsibility of the members of that community to support the experiences of all mentally ill people. selfshippers and fictos with psychotic conditions are just as valid in their feelings as any of the rest of us, even if their conditions cause them to experience their f/os in a way we do not.

in addition, it isn’t fair to assert that selfship is okay because it’s “just” a coping mechanism, “just” for fun, or because all fictos/selfshippers prefer (and will abandon the practice for) a “real partner.” if it improves one’s quality of life and harms no one, there is no need for further justification, regardless of whether or not it fits with what outsiders consider “normal.” selfship (and fictosexuality) is not only okay when it’s easy to justify to outsiders. appealing to standards of “normalcy” only creates acceptable targets - “we are okay because we are normal, but those people who disagree with us are not normal, and therefore not okay.” that, ironically enough, is the exact logic on which “cringe culture” operates. you do not have to be “normal” to be worthy of respect and understanding, ever.

please be open to respecting experiences you may not understand, particularly for those whose experiences are already highly stigmatized. to all the “weird” selfshippers and fictos - those of you with psychosis, those of you who take it “too seriously,” those of you who never want a real life partner - you are just fine the way you are, and you don’t need to change for anyone. as long as you’re happy and your selfships/ficto relationships make you happy, you have nothing to worry about and no one here to answer to. live your life according to your own needs and standards.

“I don’t think you understand that those characters are just fictional-”

👁

Tina Weymouth, Talking Heads (1980)

Q&A: Why your thoughts aren’t becoming things

Q: Everyone says “thoughts become things” and I’ve been thinking about only what I want. Focusing on what I want instead of what I don’t want. But nothing is changing or happening? Why? I’m really frustrated, I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Also, every time I see people having what I want or are living the life I wish I could have, I get jealous and wonder why I don’t have that and therefore feel bad. And it happens so often too. How can I change that? A: This is one of the most honest questions I have ever been asked. So thank YOU for the opportunity to discuss this. The truth is your thoughts are becoming things, but the missing link is to understand your feelings become things much faster. Here’s how to master both: 1. The first thing is to make a list of your desires, and rank them from the smallest to the biggest goal. And now, make it a point to go after the biggest one. The smaller goals will be fulfilled with very little effort. This is because in focusing on a “big” goal, you are raising your energy past number 5, 4, 3, and 2 to get to 1!  2. When you think of what you want, you are no closer to achieving it. This is not the law of attraction. (I was as shocked as you are right now!) When you think of a goal, the Universe thinks “he/she wants to keep wanting it”  and so you stay in that state. The day you begin to imagine you have already fulfilled the goal, then the creative magic begins. Think of it as a 100m sprint: instead of standing at the Start Line imagining the end, put yourself 1st place on the podium accepting the gold medal around your neck! When you shift time in your imagination like this, let yourself start to feel that it could be true, it could be you.  3. What you resist, you attract too. We all have things we don’t want so we try not to think of them. But be honest about your inner mental conversations. Is there something you still feel resentment towards? A situation or a person? What are you scared of, illness or poverty? These are all types of resistance. And resistance is a powerful energy that will keep you stuck in an unhappy cycle unless and until you decide you’ve had enough. Begin today to write the following affirmation out 10 times a day, morning and night: “I release every one to their highest good and me to mine.” If it feels uncomfortable or you make excuses for delaying it, you know that is your resistance speaking! 4. Understand how your life is right now is only a product of how you used to think. You did the best with what you had. The best news is that this is a new moment of creation. You’ve asked the question because you’re ready to take responsibility for your life. Whatever you’re not happy with right now, just let it be for a while. Create one hour a day (minimum) where you write out affirmations, see your “biggest” goal in your imagination, see who you want to be in your imagination, meditate a little, and have positive/calming music playing the entire hour. The music will create a new Neuro-Linguistic Programming in your brain to get you to feel as good about your desires as you do about the songs!  5. Frustration: This one word deserves a paragraph in itself. Decide now that you will no longer let yourself feel frustration. That F word is burning your dreams and birthing jealousy towards people you otherwise love, and is making you judge yourself. Your heart and soul have waited until today for you to be kinder to yourself. Enough is enough. Frustration is a fire. When you feel it creeping back into your mind, pause and try to see who is feeling the frustration? Is it a voice in your mind? Who is listening to it? Realize you are the one that listens to your inner dialogue, you are NOT your thoughts themselves.  6. When you see others have what you want there are a few ways to go about it. You could realize that there is no end to how much you can have, and how much they can have! You can see that the Universe is showing you desires that match yours to show you its listening to you. You can realize how amazing it is that we are all here to be, do and have anything we want. When you feel any envy, just be aware of it and talk to it as you would a child. It is only your ego feeling left out and scared. The ancient ego within us all operates with a fight or flight mentality, and believes if it doesn’t get what it needs to survive then it will die. It’s as simple as that. However, this is a lie and deep down you know it. Somewhere within your feelings, your gut, you know that life is about to get very good for you, and every single person you have the honour of knowing.  Conclusion: There’s work to be done to live the life you want, as you can see. Read over this a few times, and begin to take the action listed. And each day, imagine you’re at Day One and try again. The action is easy once you start. Also, try to cut out every negative book, song, TV show, film and piece of news in your life for 30 days. This negativity detox is essential as you begin to change your thinking. Also try to read The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale, he will be a good friend to you right now.  Note: If anyone at all has any questions then please feel free to inbox me. I shall answer in this anonymous format so we may all benefit. 

Please share this post, you never know who might need to see it. 

“My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to find peace with exactly who and what I am. To take pride in my thoughts, my appearance, my talents, my flaws and to stop this incessant worrying that I can’t be loved as I am.”

— Anaïs Nin

This message needs to be shared.

I wish more understood this. For me , I have been this way since I was a small child. For years after I became a teen I hid it from others cause of being made fun of.

I knew I was different when all my peers grew out of it and I remained. And that my feelings actually made my heart hurt.

Now here I am a grown woman, able to be open about it without shame or regret. I’m grateful for that and to know so many who share it with me.

💙💚💛💜

Someone: you can’t self ship because it’s cringy and weird

Me: