And If I Said It Shouldn’t Count As Ignoring Canon If It Was Just Poorly Written?

Random headcanon number 20207483927

-Dick doesn’t spy on his families teams

Because he doesn’t need too

They’ll either tell him what’s happening

Or their teammates will

He’s friends with 80% of them anyway

Jason Todd was honest to god on a team with Dicks Ex who still adores him and starfire /j

No but really Roy and Kori 100% have doxxed Jason’s entire life to Dick Grayson

A) bc I will ignore any canon where these 3 aren’t close

B) Kori has never had a filter ever

C) Dick absolutely has indoctrinated the fab 5 into mission reports and now they feel weird without a debrief

D) Roy would find giving Dick and ulcer over the stupid shit his brother does hilarious

E) Roy would find giving dick and ulcer over the stupid shit HE does so so so fulfilling (revenge)

Damian is on the Titans.

No matter what titans generation of titans it is they’re responding to Nightwings status report request, fully detailed in MLA format with a reference list following APA 7 guidelines

Dick does not have to worry about young justice despite the fact they are very much NOT snitches bc Tim absolutely calls Dick and Doxxes his entire life story to him once a week minimum

(See Tim telling Dick random shit in the comics causing him to lose his balance and fall a compilation Im sure exists)

Both Clark and Wally are on the justice league. Bruce’s every dangerous move is reported to Dick via Clark and all his stupid ones are reported to Dick via Wally.

No matter how weird Dick and Babs relationship (on again, besties, off again, not talking etc) is she’s absolutely telling him either via concise email or 7 hour long sip and bitch session every single thing that happens not for help but bc ughhh wtf is happening.

Now frustratingly the same is not reciprocated

Bc

“Donna or Garth would kill me” -Roy

“*graphic details of sexcapades to distract from question*”-Kori

“Nightwing is busy” -oracle (babs just leaves when asked as a civilian)

“I’m sorry it’s just so hard to not talk to him okay?? He’s so nice” -Jon during supersons

“He’s my friend too, I can tell him what I want” current jon

“Listen he barely talks to me as it is I’d rather he still come to me with issues and insecurities without worrying his father will hear it” -Clark

“If you think I’m saying shit to you, you’re in idiot, if anything was wrong and I told you you’d make it worse go fuck yourself” -Wally

(OG Bruce Wayne hater of titans. him and Roy do fight over this title at the titans new years. Wally thinks Roy lost his place bc he found a new bird to be mad at the bat over so his timeline should shrink. Roy thinks this is bullshit bc now he hates Bruce for reasons of bird^2)

And to prove a point

Best Damian and Steph moments (I love them)

LOOOK SHES TEACHING HIM OUT TO CHILL IN A BOUNCY CASTLE LOOK AT THEM

Teasing and bickering (also look at how small Damian was and how he’s so big he’s grown so much omg o didn’t even realize until I had to go back to all my old ass screenshots omg)

Pfttttttttttt

The most sibling

Tee heee

He’s such a little shit to her sometimes tho and SHE STILL LOOKED AT THE LITRLE GREMLIN AND WENT - YEAH NO HE NEEDS SOME WORK BUT I GOT IT- IGH I LOVE HER

Life lessons (no I don’t have a less grainy version)

Steph: provides meaningful development and fundamentally impacts Damian’s character

Damian: *slurs*

THE SIBLINGS EVER

thank you for coming to my ted talk

You need to count your days.

what have I done to deserve this :(

Question?

We talk about how Tim, Jason and Damian’s parents raised them pre Bruce but why don’t we talk about Dick Graysons.

Bc even before all of the court of the owls shit the way that man was raised was wild.

So remember Dick was a member and active participant of a circus as a child. A trapeze act without a net who was expected to pull his weight since he could walk.

That means that despite what everyone thinks John and Mary Grayson absolutely could not afford to gentle parent their child.

At all.

Dick had to know how dangerous his life was forever. He has to be perfect because if he fails him or his parents die. They die with a mistake. Don’t stretch your hand out far enough and someone falls.

And despite the fact that the Romani aspect of his character was born out of a writers need for fetish content. I still find it interesting to explore.

And since I am European! Halys circus truther

It gets more interesting because the anti-Romani sentiment in Europe is vile, obvious and violent. (And I say this as a poc who grew up outside of Europe and moved here for college. Like you’d never imagine the type of shit they say about a group of people with no shame before turning around and commenting about how crazy it is that poc are treated poorly in the rest of the world.) Now imagine your child is working a dangerous gig while being part of a hated minority and you have to go and advertise your whole families location because you are the centerpiece of a show.

Yall think Mary and John Grayson didn’t teach their kid to lie? To fit in with any group humanly possible.

You think Mary and John didn’t teach dick to switch from, mama to mom to Daj. To switch accents and tones and languages since before he could walk on his hands?

You think that this kid who grew up traveling everywhere wouldn’t know how to integrate himself so fully into the society he’s in that he’s invisible as an outsider?

When Dick talks to Bruce in Juvie right before hes taken in as a ward he has an American accent. A Gotham accent and not the ones the other kids has no Dick has a Bristol accent. When he first meets Alfred he has a charming softly British accent, the kind that isn’t immediately noticeable unless you share the accent. The softening of the vowels and heavy central consonants. Think kids who went to British schools abroad and learned English from people with British accents.

Bruce notices this but doesn’t think much of it I mean kids can adapt to their environments startlingly quick maybe the kid just kinda picks up accents.

But then Dick becomes robin and he’s horrifically good at it from the get go.

Which sends alarm bells in Alfred’s head because he raised Bruce at that age. He taught Bruce to defend himself at that age. Bruce wouldn’t be about to do 1/10 of what this kid can do.

No eight year old should be able to throw items with that sort of precision even a child as good at gymnastics as dick. No child should be that comfortable with a knife in his hand.

And of course dick always had an excuse, he grew up around fire breathers and knife throwers of course he’s good.

And Bruce notices when Dick goes out as Robin and begins to help people because for the first few months, he never speaks first.

He’ll save someone and when they thank him, he’ll reply in their exact accent.

The crime alley rougher tones

The high class smarmy Bristol accent

The open vowel Jersey accent

When he meets Superman there’s the barest edges of midwestern twang in his every word.

And it’s just unnerving

He flickers between cultures like their clothes in his wardrobe, accents like they’re a new set of perfectly fit shoes.

He’s just good at it.

And it’s a game to him.

He sees how close he can get to your accent without coming off as suspicious.

By the time he’s being doing the Robin shtick for a while and knows the areas he just immediately switches to the most common accent there even if there aren’t any people around.

His facial expressions and hand gestures change as well.

It adds to the myth of the Batman because the gcpd for a long while believes any Robin reportings to be a myth because one minute someone is reporting a Jersey accent the next genial Californian, or a tv safe reporter tone, one minute the kid is conversing in perfect Russian the next he’s speaking Spanish like he grew up in Mexico.

When he wants to get away with a mistake his voice switches to one indistinguishable from a scared child, with a mild stutter, overgramarization and the scared world slurring children do that makes your heart soft

When he wants people to listen to him his he’s eloquent and enunciating perfectly. He sounds far older than his years.

And everyone thinks they’re hearing the real Dick Grayson speak and it makes their hearts happy because look at how he puts on a show for everyone but trusts me enough to talk without lying.

Without ever realizing that they’re one of the people watching the show.

I like the fact that the main difference between Dick Grayson and Nightwing is just straight vibes

Dick Grayson is a good looking, fun, smart guy who can sometimes come off a lil goofy or awkward but he’s nice to talk too and is therapist shaped if you’re going through it. The kinda guy you can pull aside and ask for him to listen to a 9 hour mental breakdown and he’ll do it in exchange for a latte.

Nightwing is a consummate professional, he will lead your team, get you in, get ur info, get you out. No ifs ands or buts around it. He doesn’t gaf unless it’s gonna fuck up

1) his teammates

2) peoples chances of living

3) ur brain fundamentally

Otherwise bro is here to do his job, make 1-7 bad puns and gtfo

tumblr should have an ” i feel u” button on posts

I wanna apologize to anyone who’s been keeping up with any of my fics and wips. The ao3 authors curse has gotten me. I have been falling in and out of fevers for a while and I can barely speak + my vision is so blurry I’m looking at the world through a kaleidoscope.

I’m so sorry if any of yall have been waiting/looking forward to anything I’ve written

Forever trapped in each others orbits but gravity keeps us away (DickRoy)

Immediately followed by

Dick Grayson x anyone remotely morally ambiguous (I see u tiger, JGJ, Kori, Helena, Joey I see you and I love you)

Jason Todd x completely normal civilians (bc it would be so funny)

Or

Jason Todd x women that can kill him (asphyxiation via thighs or actually will shoot him)

Put Tim in a throuple as long as Kon is there (Bernard or Bart is ur choice)

Damian must follow his fathers footsteps and date dangerous women I fear (or a Superman what who said that)

And Stephanie brown should date me actually so no one

me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters

me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU

Look I’m not the biggest JayRoy fan bc I have shipped DickRoy since I was like 13. However this idea is rlly funny to me.

Bc Dick helped Roy raise Lian in the beginning when he was lost and needed to get his life together.

If Roy and Jason started dating

And Roy introduced her to his boyfriend

And it’s Uncle Dicks little brother.

You think shes calling him anything else???

Like picture this bc once again these. Characters are like 9000 years old and they do not follow the timelines of aging

Lian is born and Dick is helping Roy out in person for a long time, but by the time she’s like 6-7 Dicks very busy with Gotham and bludhaven and new York and him and Roy have had a bunch of falling outs but they’re not letting affect the kid but Dick doesn’t visit as much in person.

Lian is still very attached so Roy will sometimes call Dick on FaceTime and let Lian update him about her life and everything and ramble and for a while that’s the only times Dick and Roy have contact is the text message of

You free Lian misses you?

And Dick spoils the kid rotten, he sends her birthday presents but also half birthday and quarter birthday present. if Roy needs to be somewhere Dick will take her on a trip somewhere just the two of them.

He tells her about his family and Lian becomes obsessed with becoming an acrobat. In the way kids are this gets tacked onto everything else she wants to become

She doesn’t wanna be an astronaut no she wants to be an acrobat astronaut.

She doesn’t wanna be a doctor she wants to be an acrobat doctor.

So on

He tells her cartoon versions of what happens in his life

So the penguin is peddling drugs through the city that he’s purchasing through laundering money with illegal businesses

Becomes

A penguin walked into a laundromat and ate all the Pennies so now he has go find the penguin to get the money back.

And it’s an event when he does come to see her.

She gets so excited and happy bc Dick carries her around all the time and she gets princess treatment 24/7. And he teaches her games they used to play back in the circus and at first Roy was worried bc Dick doesn’t exactly have a scale of normal and he’s not gonna call dick and talk To him but that’s not something they’ve done in years

but then Lian falls off the monkey bars at day care and flips before landing on her feet, perfectly fine.

And when they call him about it they ask about it bc what is a kid doing with flips ofc they’re curious but whatever he is doing? The moms want to know? Is there a class because that could’ve been a really nasty fall and catching yourself is a very good skill to have especially as an active child.

And when he asks Lian if she was scared “no! It’s like game uncle Dick taught me why would I be scared!”

And Roy calls Dick for the first time in years just to talk to him not for him to chat to Lian.

And he asks and Dick just kinda awkwardly admits that that’s how his parents taught him not to be afraid of heights or falls. If you teach kids a life skill through a game they’re less likely to freak in the real life scenario. And Roy is kinda reminded why he became friends with this asshole and why he stuck around and it kinda rekindles their friendship.

And then Roy starts dating Jason and it’s on the DL, bc Jason has issues and Roy isn’t going to introduce someone who isn’t a certain thing to his child. Right.

But things are going well

Very well

And then he decides well fuck it

And they tell people

And everyone is happy for them even Dick despite his very very pained “really Roy my kid brother?”

“Are you gonna give me the shovel talk Grayson”

“God no, you’re a titan which means you’re family which just makes this weird because people I both consider family are dating.”

And then Roy tells Lian

And she is pissed

“Why is Uncle Dicks little brother here”

“Well Lian he’s gonna be around a lot more”

“Does that mean uncle dick is gonna visit more”

“No sweetie but you see uncle dick a lot, Jay over here will just be more around”

“…why?”

“Well because he’s daddy’s boyfriend now”

“Like how Casey’s new mommy and daddy are boyfriend girlfriend”

“Yeah sweetie exactly”

“So he’s gonna be like my new daddy?”

“Well no, unless you want him to but-“

“I don’t”

“What Lian-“

Lian is very angry because she wants her uncle Dick around more and when she told her friend at school her friend said that her new stepmom was around more since her and her friends dad got married

She then logically assumed the ideal way to get her uncle around more was simply to force Dick and Roy to get married.

And since Dick asks for a list of things she wants every year for her birthdays and Easter and Christmas and st. Patrick’s day and All Saints’ Day and Eid and Labor Day and Halloween and holi and Passover and … (no she does not realize not everyone gets gifts on all the holidays that exist, this is very normal to her. Roy had to rent a storage room by the time she was 5)

And Dick has never once not gotten her what she wanted (once she asked to meet the penguin who stole the Pennies and dick took her to the zoo and the showed her the penguin who had a little ziploc baggie of coins tied around its middle-she pointed out that he still had the Pennies and dick said that he felt bad and let him keep just a few)

So anyway she was gonna ask for them to get married on her Christmas list but she wanted to ride a pony and so she was gonna add it to her 1/4 birthday list but now her dad is ruining it because she knows you have to be boyfriend girlfriend before you get married and this is not fair.

So she has a parent trap style vendetta against Jason. He is Meredith Blake.

And Jason who loves little kids is devastated bc his boyfriend’s kid does not like him.

And Roy is confused bc Lian and never acted like this ever.

And Dick has no idea what’s going on bc Lian is eternally an angel with him bc he has gentle parented the shit out of her and also bc he will never see anything she does as wrong ever he knew her when she was a baby that young lady is perfect if you say a derogatory word against her he’ll steal your knee caps.

And one day Lian calls him from preschool and is like “daddy is busy he wants to ask if can you pick me up” and Dick of course says yes because they’ve done this before and sometimes you only have time to make one last phone call.

So he picks Lian up.

And Roy gets there and freaks bc where the HELL IS HIS CHILD. And bc he’s a hero he assumes his identity is compromised and calls Ollie and everything is on lockdown and WTH his going on.

And like 8 hours later Dick calls him and he almost doesn’t pick up and Jason is trying to calm him down and they’re all tracking her but on a whim he answers cuz maybe Dick can help find his baby.

“Hey Roy any ideas when you’re coming to pick Lian up or should I take a day off work tomorrow?”

“What?”

“Dude are you okay you sound wrecked what the hell happened”

“Lian is with you?”

“Yeah- what’s happening Roy?”

“Why is LIAN WITH YOU?”

“She…called me to tell me you were busy and needed someone to pick her up.”

“I-“

“Roy is everything okay”

“She- she called you?”

“Yeah? from the school telephone the same way she does Everytime you have a mission. Roy brief me? Are you okay? Is? Is Jason alright?”

“Can- put Lian on the phone right now.”

“Roy-“

“NOW GRAYSON!”

“Yeah sure okay”

“Hi daddy!”

“Lian why did you ask Dick to pick you up?”

“Yep!”

“Why?”

“Because you were busy”

Deep inhale “who told you I was busy”

“You did”

“I did not-“

“Yeahhh u did, you said you would be with Uncle Dicks little brother”

“What does that have to do with-“

“Go be gross with him I’m mad at you”

“You’re mad at me, young lady I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR HOURS.”

“Why? Just because you forgot about uncle dick doesn’t mean I did”

“Wha- Lian what are you talking about”

They go to Dicks apartment and Lian explains that she is very cross with Roy because he knows uncle dick is her favorite baby sitter and it’s not fair that he gets to marry Jason when Dick is her favorite and since everyone knows that it’s babysitter and dad , boyfriend girlfriend, married. And that’s how Roy finds out that Casey’s new mommy used to be her babysitter and his daughter has been under the assumption that him and Dick were gonna get married since she was four.

And it’s annoying because Jason has never babysat her this whole time and Dick is her favorite baby sitter and he’s dating Dicks brother like that’s the wrong one dad.

Anyway Dick excuses himself to laugh until he cries in his room and Roy is bluescreening while staring at his daughter.

They clear some stuff up but when she’s mad she still calls Jason uncle dicks little brother.