Headcanon That When Merlin Started Working For Arthur, He Didn’t Know What Over Half The Names Of Things

Sorry your boyfriend died and came back and died and came back and died and came back and died and came back again. He was trying to find you.

i am something

Merlin becoming unhinged and paranoid after being alive for 1500 years. Merlin not eating for 1 week straight before he goes like "oh right" because he fucking forgot. Oh, the elevator in his apartment building is out of order, but he has to go to Lake Avalon. Oh well. He's gonna use the stairs. And by "using the stairs" I mean throwing himself from the staircase. It's faster this way! He's gonna break a few bones and give himself a concussion but hey, he's immortal, so it's ok! Merlin walking outside and glancing behind his back every 3 seconds when someone looks like has been walking behind him for a bit too much of a time. Merlin having a tons of locks on his front door. Because you never know. Merlin talking with people and that voice in his head screaming at him "don't form connections with them, don't you dare become attached to them, because that's how it starts. You make small conversations with people, then you become friends, and the next thing you know they find out about your magic and they try to kill you or they just die because they're mortal." (definitely not from experience, nuh-uh). Merlin having weapons somewhere hidden in his house just in case he's in danger and his magic doesn't work for whatever reason. A minor inconvenience happening and Merlin just going "fuck. Oh well, let me just- *throws himself from the top of a building*. Merlin finding out he's neurodivergent. He doesn't really have to mask anymore, he hasn't been doing that for a while because he's all alone so no one will care and also because nowadays no one gives a shit. Him being neurodivergent explains so much (personally I'm an ADHD Merlin truther lol). Merlin having abandonment issues, which is also another reason why he refuses to connect with people. Because hey, better to be never loved than be loved and lose it, right? Merlin considering himself something more than human. Not in the "haha, I'm more powerful than everyone else, lmao" way, but in the "I have all this power in my hands yet the world is still shit, I'm a failure, why couldn't I be like everyone else?" way. All these stuff don't even have to revolve around Arthur or Camelot, it can be just the brain trying to comprehend 15 centuries worth of trauma.

writing is hard but coming up with a cunty title and catchy summary will slay even god's strongest soldier

It’s kinda hilarious to me how down with murder Merlin is. Like I feel like most shows, especially family shows, have the character at least be morally conflicted about killing. If not out right refusing to kill.

Merlin does not give two shits. He murks someone in the first episode, zero conflict. His body count must be at least in the thousands by the end of the show (considering he took out a whole army). But let’s not forget all the up close and personal murders he commits.

I recently rewatched the changeling, and in that episode in quick succession he kills Grunhilda, the Sidhe and then gives Gaius a look like “do I need to do everything myself?” And gives Elena the potion. ZERO fucks given, he is so unfazed. Merlin is always down for murder. It’s so funny.

And I support him lol.

aw i love when these freaks share a brain cell

I adore it when Merlin goes away for a few days in a fanfic and all hell breaks loose

Arthur is grumpy because he misses Merlin and he hates it when anyone other than Merlin dress him. His hair is a mess and his clothes are crumpled, he’s missing one shoe but no one wants to tell him

The knights are walking in eggshells around him. Leons hair is going grey, and Lancelot is seen drinking wine during the council meetings

Gwaine is missing presumed dead

The kitchen is in a disarray, the usual schedules and menus are not being updated now that Merlin is gone

Bills have not been paid and new orders are not coming in. The merchants and fishermen are pissed. No one realises how much Merlin is actually on top of and how many people he has in his network

The Head Steward is scrambling to keep up with all the work Merlin seemingly did in his spare time. Some servants are wandering aimlessly with no tasks provided, while others are busy trying to finish up all the chores Merlin does in his sleep

Somehow the Kingdom is still standing (but just barely)

George is crying into the laundry (they ran out of soap two days ago because no one was instructed to make more) Merlin was always on top of these small things that most people overlooked — but now that he was gone, everything crumbled

Gwen could probably fix most of these issues, but has instead decided to go on strike on principle

There have been seven failed assassination attempts on the King. The Royal Spymaster is fired once Leon realised that Merlin is the unofficial spymaster

When The Royal Library and Mapmakers Guild requested a substitute scribe for the few days Merlin was away, everyone looked confused. For how long has Merlin helped them out too? Elyan volunteered, if only to get out of training

Mordred considers moving back in with the Druids and leave Camelot (this is not what he signed up for)

The council is in hiding for fear of further angering the King — one Lord mentioned Merlin by name and Arthur threatened to banish him, and since then no one has dared to speak his name again

Gaius officially retires and moves into a cottage

Merlin returns three days later like “what happened?!”

not to sound like a medieval peasant or a catholic but i resent anti-carb propaganda so much like bread will never be evil it is holy it is divine it is one of life’s most simple yet decadent pleasures. love is stored in the bread

THEY WOULD BE SO SO PROUD OF YOU

thanks to @pineapplecrispy for the suggestion + italian bonus, Owen WIlson bonus and historically inaccurated emo boys bonus

Other request (dm/comments)

AU where Arthur doesn't die at Camlann and doesn't find out about Merlin's magic.

It's a few years after Camlann. Gwen and Arthur have two kids, a prince and a princess. It's not quite a golden age, but damn is it close.

Merlin loves and cares for those kids like there his own. He finds himself even more protective of them than he is of Arthur, something Gwaine never fails to rag on him about.

Merlins noticed their nurse acting strange. He's suspicious by nature of course and decides she's definitely hiding something. Something to do with the princess.

So Merlin investigates, finds nothing. Until one day he enters the nursery unexpectedly. A toy unicorn hovers in the air, the princess eyes shining gold, and the nurses face floods with panic.

She begs Merlin not to say anything. "Please don't blame the princess she can't control it, if someone must be punished please Sir punish me she's just a girl she doesn't know"

The nurse babbles on, terrified by Merlins shocked expression.

"This must be what my mother felt like' Merlin thinks, 'Terrified for a babe who doesn't yet understand the world they were born into'

He glances at the princess, she looks shocked and scared. Her little hands clutch the unicorn like a lifeline. Merlin had carved it for her as a 3rd birthday gift.

And he loves her, oh he loves her. To see his own childhood confusion and terror reflected on her face breaks his heart.

He had been scared his whole life. It was normal to him now, to be terrified of the people he loves finding out his true self.

But he wasn't scared now, as the overwhelming clarity of what he had to do settled over him.

'I won't make the same mistakes again' he thinks 'This girl will not grow up in fear. I won't allow it'

Destiny it seems, has finally forced his hand.