You Will Live And You Will Say The Wrong Things And Make Mistakes And People Will Love You Anyways.

Since this, the pain has gotten worse to the point that I have between 5 and 10 pain free days a month and I finally saw a neurologist for it. And it's not migraines. It's atypical facial pain and I'm finally starting treatment🥳

Can't believe it took me 8 years to realise that the random pain I get in half of my face for a couple of days to a week every other month is a migraine...

I always thought it didn't matter bc it's not every day like my fibro pain

sometimes I’m hardcore and numb and can deal with being in pain for the rest of my life and other times I cry at just a slight thought in that direction and I wish I could be strong all of the time for everyone around me but sometimes I’m just REALLY really overwhelmed by the moment I’m experiencing and that is compounded a million times over by the fact that this is the rest of my life 

Do you think it's better to fail at something worthwhile, or to succeed at something meaningless?

“We all looked up” by Tommy Wallach

I can't wait to do this when I'm a doctor!!

Doctors should snark at each other more, be a bit mean. Not for no reason, mind you. But if five doctors blow me off about symptoms and doctor number six FINALLY runs actual tests and gets a diagnosis, I think it should be Doctor Six's right to call up the other five and tell them they're lazy pieces of shit. That should be socially encouraged. Those first five doctors clearly can't listen to patients, but maybe another doctor might finally get to them.

I've used a wheelchair for about a week now and I was soo nervous about it. But it's honestly been great, despite the minor accidents. I've gotten both thumbs stuck between the tire and the fender sideguard.. and I've tipped backwards onto the ground. But the worst part about that was that my open drink spilled everywhere:(

It feels easy, natural, amazing to just be able to move so freely with a lot less pain than before. I'm gonna be really sad, when I have to give it back.

Went on a date and they were like "I'm sorry you're disabled". My first thought was to get frustrated or feel patronised, but, that doesn't get us anywhere. So i thought about it and tempered my reaction, and what I came to was this: they're sad, but I'm not!

I understand the impulse to feel bad about my life situation. I get it. It sucks. Like objectively. It bums me out too sometimes.

But im not sorry I'm disabled, I'm happy I'm alive! Im happy with disability, not in spite of it. It's a part of my life. I can no more be miserable about my disability than I can be about getting a bad haircut. It's a part of me and I can either live with it, or I can suffer. If those are my options i choose live with it. Its really that simple and drastic.

Disability means pain, yes, but pain does not mean suffering. I am in pain every day of my life, but I do not suffer. How does that work? I live my life. I live! Isn't that wonderful? I am alive and I have a good, privileged life! I have friends. I have community. I have family. I have passions. So long as i can find the good, I am not focused on my pain, and if i am not focused on my pain it cannot consume me, and if it cannot consume me then I cannot suffer.

My disability is just another thing that is part of me. I don't look at what I can't do. I look at what I want to do, and I find a way to get there.

My life looks different from an able bodied person's life. It just does, and it always will. It's going to be different. I can either embrace it, or I can be miserable. I can either live with it or i can suffer.

I choose to embrace it. I choose to live with it.

It wasn't easy to do so, don't get me wrong. I was miserable for such a long time. I wanted to die; I wanted to die so badly. I thought there was no worth in my life and that I'd never be worth anything. But that's not true.

My life is beautiful. It's not exactly what i wanted for myself, and yeah, if i could wave a magic wand and be in a perfect body... I wouldnt even hesitate to take that option. But that's not gonna happen. So i look at what I have, and I'm so grateful to have it in the first place.

I could be so much worse off. Im fortunate. Im lucky. Im an immigrant success story. I live in a better land. Im happy here. Im well integrated. This place is my home. My country looks after me. I dont want for food. I dont want for shelter. Thats amazing. So if I can look at the little things that im grateful for and build from there...

I dont have all the abilities i want. I will never have everything I want, no matter how simple it may seem. So instead, I will be grateful for what I do have.

Im not sorry i'm im a wheelchair! Im happy! How many people in the world dont have a wheelchair who need one? Im fortunate to have one. My wheelchair is freedom. My world opened up when i got my wheelchair the same way it did when i got my licence.

My life may be sad to you, but its not sad to me. And if its not sad to me, then its not sad! You dont have to feel sad for someones disability. I think its natural to want them to be able to do the same things you can, or to achieve the same things you can. I think you should foster that desire into finding ways to help bridge the gap between what someone can do and what they cant. Access is how you bridge that gap.

Feeling sad for someone with disability is a natural empathetic response. I think its wrong to shame people for it, but it is worth it to redirect their thinking. They are sad for me, but its because they can only see limits. But disability isnt about seeing limits, its about finding out how to move past them.

My life might look sad to you, but you dont know what i can do. You dont know how far ive come. You dont know what my life looks like beyond my disability because you've never been shown that. Its not a story thats told. And i dont mind showing you that theres more to my story than what i cant do.

So, i dont mind if someone tells me theyre sorry im in a wheelchair. Im not. Lets get past that impulse of empathy, and have a real conversation. Because you'll see that i'm not sad. I have a rich life and im happy. Once you can see all that joy, the wheelchair becomes secondary. Of course i'm happy, my life is good.

The wheelchair. The disability. Its set dressing. Its the stage my life takes place on. We cant ignore it. Its there. But it is not so big that it robs goodness from my world.

Am I happy about having my disability? No. But I'm not sad about it. Not anymore.

And that is going to be true about any other disabled person you meet. We dont need pity, because our lives dont warrant it. We dont need you to feel bad for us, because there is no need to feel bad. Its just life. Thats how it goes sometimes.

Once a disabled person's hit the acceptance stage, there's really no need to offer them your sympathies anymore. Be happy with them in their life, however that looks.

YAAAY!! FINALLY GOT 12 POINTS!!

Yes, I did it, but do you have any idea how hard it was? How much pain it caused me? How much it cost? How many hours I spent in tears? How much I screamed in pain? How long it took? How many nights I spent paralyzed with fear? How hard it was to drag myself along by my arms, desperately clawing for purchase after my legs could go no more? How it felt to grit my teeth and bite back the bile and blood threatening to spill from my mouth, as every nerve ending shot fire through my veins? How the dread and the despair and the grief weighed me down until it felt like I was being crushed under the weight? Do you have any idea what it's taken from me?

But you shrug, and brush it off. "But you did it, didn't you? So it's fine."

"But you did it, didn't you? So clearly you didn't need help."

"But you did it, didn't you? So it obviously wasn't as hard as you were making it out to be."

"But you did it, didn't you? So you can do it again."