Goldenboyrichards - Boys Don't Cry.

jackforeman​:

As the door closed behind them, Jack felt himself suck in an anxious breath, as though all of the air in Adam’s room filled his lungs. It hung still between them for a moment until Adam spoke, letting out the first apology of what was bound to be many. Jack felt sorry, too, even though he was the one who had died at the hands of his best friend, the same ones that were shoved in the pockets of the familiar sweatshirt. In a flash, they could have been coming toward him again, locking his wrists behind his back, leading him toward whatever that thing was in the warehouse. 

But that wasn’t the Adam he knew. It wasn’t the same person that stood before him in his childhood bedroom, where they used to play cards and talk about the girls Jack now knew Adam was never into. It was another secret, piled onto the heap that people had been keeping from him. Like the others, it wasn’t one he could blame Adam for. If he had shown up at his own doorstep, he would’ve lied to himself, too, like Steve and Julie had when they’d omitted the part where he had come back from the dead. He didn’t blame Jo, either, for claiming that the board in the basement wasn’t hers until they needed it. The culmination of being kept in such darkness after losing years of his life, though? Jack was coming close to breaking.

If his memory was correct, it was Adam who had been the one who took those years away from him. Maybe it wasn’t Adam at the wheel of his own free will, but deep down, there was a piece of his friend in there, in the dream. He wanted to be mad, to blame everything on Adam: it would’ve been easier that way. After the carnival, though, and recognizing the feeling of having no autonomy over his own body, Jack simply couldn’t. It looked like Adam was ready for him to kick the shit out of him, like he’d done to Steve, but this was his Adam, his best friend, and there was nothing inside of him that would let him willingly hurt him.

“I have a feeling I’m not safe to be around, either,” he said finally, his teeth digging into his bottom lip. “That’s what you were going to tell me, before the carnival, wasn’t it? That you–that I died.” The word still stung on his tongue; he couldn’t come to say it without wincing. “I know, it couldn’t have been you, if that wasn’t us at the carnival, either.” Jack paused, taking a small step forward, slow, so as to not scare Adam. “I don’t hate you. I could never.” Another step, before his arm was wrapped around Adam’s, the other coming around his shoulder, bringing Adam into his embrace. “I promise.” 

Adam was trying to keep his distance from Jack, not for his own safety, but in case it was true. In case he had killed his best friend. After what Jo had said, and what Adam knew from talking to Cole, it made sense. As much as Adam didn’t want to believe that he could be capable of that - even in the worst circumstances - he knew he wasn’t in control of his own body when he blacked out. Whatever he had done, he hadn’t decided to do it.

That didn’t fully absolve him of guilt, though. Adam knew he hadn’t chosen to hurt Jack, but that didn’t mean his body hadn’t been used as a weapon to kill. And no matter how much Adam wished he could, he couldn’t fix the damage he’d done three years ago. The worst part was, Adam didn’t even remember it. He didn’t remember doing whatever he had done to Jack - but Jack did. Jack had to live with that visual now, and all of the pain and terror that came with it. 

No part of Adam would have blamed Jack for showing up to kick his ass. He wouldn’t fight back at all, afraid of hurting Jack again in the process. Adam frowned at Jack’s confession, wanting to argue but he couldn’t. If what he’d heard about the carnival was true, maybe none of them ever would be safe to be around. Not while they were having the blackouts. “You didn’t kill anyone, though,” Adam said, pausing on the word kill. It still felt wrong to say, like the action itself. 

“...yes,” Adam admitted quietly, thinking back to that day in the Foreman’s basement. It felt like a lifetime ago - back when his biggest issue was whether or not he had really died. Adam knew the truth now; he knew that he had. He knew that Jack had. “Cole told me I’d died the first time I saw him after we got back. I didn’t... I didn’t believe him, at first. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want you to have to know that either, unless you wanted to.” Adam hadn’t wanted to force that truth on Jack. It had been impossible for Adam to process himself at first. “Not because of what I did to you. I wasn’t trying to hide that, because I don’t remember it. I just didn’t want to fuck up your life with news like that.” Because while Adam didn’t blame Cole for telling him... it had caused so much grief. So many nights lying awake, wondering why he hadn’t gone to Heaven or Hell. Wondering what he had done to deserve dying at nineteen years old, right in the prime of his life. Wondering how he had died, if he had died. Jack didn’t deserve to have those same thoughts. 

As Jack approached him, Adam wanted to take a step back. The more distance, the less likely it was that something bad could happen to either of them. But he stood his ground, taking in the words of forgiveness he didn’t feel he deserved. Not entirely, at least. I don’t hate you. I could never. The words made Adam’s eyes tear up, and he returned Jack’s embrace tightly. “I’m so sorry, Jack. I’m sorry.”

jackforeman​:

WHO: jack foreman & @goldenboyrichards​ WHERE: the foreman household

Jack hadn’t seen Adam since the night that everyone had decided to go to Lover’s Lake. The two had split up, mostly because Jo was on the side of going to the cabin, and Jack swore to himself that he would never leave her to deal with shit on her own, not as long as he could help it. It was the right decision, this much he knew, because they’d wound up in some weird ass portal, or something. He wasn’t entirely sure still. 

They sat in the Foreman family’s basement, where Jack had seen Jo for the first time since coming back, and the image of the shock on her face still replayed in his head on loop. “Alright, dude, be real with me. Did I miss anything crazy at the lake while Jo insisted on going into the cabin?” he asked, turning to his friend. “I wanted to stay with you guys, I really did, but Jo wanted to go, and I couldn’t really tell her I wouldn’t go with her after, you know … going missing for a few years. I feel like I shouldn’t really leave her when I have the chance to stay with her.” Jack was sure he didn’t have to explain, not to Adam, but felt the need to after doing a lot of explaining in the past week. “Sorry, I’m so used to having to defend every single choice I’ve been making to everyone I know since we’ve been back.”

Adam still had zero clue what had actually happened at Lovers’ Lake, especially with the other group. He’d heard bits and pieces of their adventure in the cabin that night from people as they’d partied afterwards, but nothing concrete really. All Adam knew was that this town was seriously weird, weirder than it had been a few years ago, apparently. He was just glad he’d been with Cole and had been able to make sure he was okay after whatever had happened to them in the water. 

It was good to catch up with Jack, though. They’d been teammates and friends for years, and Adam wanted to make sure he was handling everything okay now that they were back here in Hawkins. “Yeah, man,” He nodded, setting his can of Coke down on the coffee table. “Okay, so it was pretty normal at first. We were drinking a bit, we decided to go for a swim, and then the waves picked up. Cole and I were having trouble making it back, and then something grabbed out legs...” Adam said, biting his lip at the memory. It had been a terrifying few minutes - part of him had been worried he wasn’t going to make it back to shore. “Whatever it was didn’t leave any mark on me or anything, though. Cole’s ankle looked kind of fucked for a minute, but then it was gone? I have no clue what that means.” He admitted with a shrug. “Something weird happened to one of the kids too, but I wasn’t really paying attention during that part. What about the cabin?” 

As Jack explained his decision, Adam nodded. If his own sisters had been there, he probably would have followed them too. It was hard to come back and face people who you’d left behind, especially family. “I get it, dude,” Adam told Jack, giving him a small smile. “You don’t owe me anything.” Adam understood that feeling all too well, too. Everyone wanted to know why he’d left three years ago, now that he was back. It was a question that he kept doing his best to avoid, when he could. “Are you doing okay? With everything?” Adam asked cautiously, dipping into feelings territory. They weren’t known for being vulnerable around each other, but they’d had one hell of a shared traumatic experience. Talking about everything with the forest commune probably wouldn’t hurt. 

colemontgomeryx​:

Cole’s arms went slack and the VHS tape clattered to the ground. His jaw dropped and he was sure he looked like a cheesy cartoon character. He couldn’t believe he was having another vision, like what happened at the graveyard last week. Only, this time, he knew he had come to the Richards’ house. If nothing else, the VHS was evidence of that. And, besides, if this was a vision– why would Adam be apologizing for leaving him? As if he had a choice?

If this was a vision, Cole knew it would quickly turn dark– he’d watch Adam die, again– so he should just turn around and leave. But Cole couldn’t resist just a few more moments together, one last kiss, even if it was fake. So he closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around Adam’s torso. Burying his face in Adam’s chest, Cole’s tears pooling against the other’s t-shirt. He squeezed his teary eyes shut and waited for the dark eyes, the “I’m sorry,” the body bursting into flames…

Only, it didn’t. Cole’s death grip around Adam loosened and he peered up at the familiar face. Everything was the same: same lips, same nose, same eyes– though they looked sadder. What if this was real? He searched his lover’s eyes, looking for answers. If this was real, what did he mean he left? Cole had seen his body, had gone to the funeral, had grieved the death of the only person he could ever love for three years. What kind of sick joke could this be? Cole untangled his hand to swipe at his face and finally choked out: “Are you really real?” 

Adam braced himself, fully prepared for Cole to yell at him. He deserved it. Ever since they got serious, once Adam knew that Cole was it for him, they had planned on running away together. Hawkins was too small to contain a relationship like theirs - they deserved to go somewhere where no one knew them, where no one could judge them for being together. And Adam just left him. Regardless of how Adam came to be in that commune, whether it was his intention or not, he still left Cole behind. 

But the yelling never came. Instead, Cole threw himself into Adam’s arms and it felt like maybe some of those jagged pieces inside him fit again. For the first time since he’d left the woods with Jack, Adam felt like something in his life made sense. 

Adam clung to Cole, burying his own face in his curls. He’d changed shampoos at some point, but it didn’t matter. Underneath it, he still smelled like Cole. Tears were freely falling down his face now, but Adam couldn’t be bothered to wipe them away. He had no intention of letting go of Cole any time soon; not until Cole wanted him to. 

“Yeah, last time I checked,” Adam laughed wetly, crying still. “I’m so sorry.” He apologized again, holding Cole close to him. “I don’t... I don’t know what happened. They said I’ve been in some sort of commune or something?” Adam explained, shaking his head at the words. He didn’t really remember that - but what other explanation was there? “I didn’t mean to go, I don’t know why I did. None of it makes any sense. I promise I didn’t mean to leave you! I’m sorry.” 

conrad fisher | tsitp 1.06

jackforeman​:

WHO: jack foreman & @goldenboyrichards WHERE: walking out of the hawkins forest lol

This wasn’t the first time that Jack and Adam had been together and not known where they were in the morning, but this time, it was different. This time, they were walking out of the fucking forest, and he had no clue where they were. It wasn’t easy to get lost in Hawkins, but something felt different, like he’d hit his head or suffered the worst hangover of his life. What the hell had they been doing, throwing a party in the woods? It wasn’t something that the two did often, not when they had each other’s houses to do that.

“Dude, what the fuck?” he asked as they stepped onto the road. His clothes looked like they’d been raked through the mud about ten times, and his legs felt like they hadn’t walked in years. He was sore, and it was like he’d just been beaten up. “Where the fuck are we?”

Jack turned toward Adam, who looked about the same that he did, and shook his head. Something had to be off. “I don’t have my car here, man, I don’t even know where it would be Did someone drop us off? Maybe we should head to Melvald’s and ask to use the phone or something. I don’t want to go to the police and get drug tested or something. I don’t know, you got any better ideas?”

Adam didn’t usually get this drunk. In fact, he couldn’t actually remember a time when he had blacked out completely like this, to the point where he didn’t even remember the last thing that he remembered. Every part of his body was sore, but maybe that was from sleeping in the forest? Or maybe he and Jack had truly done something stupid, like got dragged into a fight with other guys or something?

He had no clue, but at least he wasn’t alone. That might have been even more disorienting. His clothes were a mess, and he was pretty sure there were multiple leaves stuck in his hair, but at least he was mostly okay. “I have no clue, dude,” Adam shook his head at Jack’s question. “I don’t remember anything. Do you?” 

At the mention of a car, Adam’s face fell. Shit. If only one of them had driven here, but given the fact that neither of the cars were anywhere to be seen, it was unlikely. Walking all the way back would suck, but maybe it would give them time to remember something. “I guess? Must have, because I don’t think we would have walked all the way out here for a party.” Maybe Cole had, or one of the other guys from football. But then, why had they left them? Why not wait for them to wake up? “Who should we call?” He asked Jack, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t remember doing drugs, dude. Do you think we were drugged?” That worried him a lot, but it made more sense than straight laced, wholesome Adam Richards taking something stronger than weed. 

mmuscles​:

WHO: thad bradshaw & @goldenboyrichards​

WHAT: gay hostility

WHERE: blue quarry mall

thad didn’t know much about this adam guy, but it seemed at every turn, he was there. with cole, near the keg, and sometimes he remembered jack would talk about him. lots of things bothered him about hawkins, but the latest grating factor was that he couldn’t figure out the appeal to this adam kid. he came off so…ugh? even after their run in at the grocery, before he had known that was adam, he felt sickened by the guy’s natural sweetness. thad wasn’t even sure why he was thinking about adam ( and by extent cole ) when he had a perfectly shitty mall in front of him to make fun of. he hadn’t come to buy anything, of course, he’d never stoop that low. but belittling things always seemed to make him feel better, so with nothing but time he’d come to the mall, only to find himself lost in a rare thought. 

as if he’d willed adam in front of him, thad immediately clocked the other as soon as he came out of a storefront, and before he could think about what he was doing, his feet were carrying him to adam. “hey man!” he called, trying to insure the other heard him. as he barreled his way over to the other, he hadn’t thought a lick about what he was going to say, and wound up standing there stupidly with his hands on his hips, “so…” he started pointedly, keeping the same force as he asked his question, “where’d you get that crewneck?”

Adam had never been the jealous type - at the risk of sounding conceded, he’d never really had any reason to be. Growing up, he had always been one of the best players on the field. Once he realized he was gay, he’d only ever been with Cole, who he knew was just as head-over-heels for him as Adam was for Cole. No, he’d never been jealous, even now. Adam wasn’t jealous of Thad. He just hated his attitude, hated the way he thought about Hawkins and about it’s people. He hated that he’d cheated on Nancy Wheeler with Cole. Adam wasn’t sure he was capable of hating a person, but if he could, then Thad would be second only to Tommy H.

Running into him at the mall was probably the last thing Adam wanted to do. If only he’d been able to tell Cindy no when she’d asked him to drive her here, to wait for her while she and her friend picked out things for some 4th of July party they were going to. But instead, he’d come inside and had even decided to go into a few stores himself, looking to update his wardrobe from three years ago a little bit. As much as Adam wanted to pretend he hadn’t seen Thad, he couldn’t ignore his loud greeting. “Oh, hey, dude,” He replied tightly, trying to still sound happy and carefree. Adam could totally be carefree. Cares? Please. He was free of them! “My...crewneck?” Adam asked, looking down at his shirt and studying it for a moment. If he was being honest, he hadn’t thought at all about his shirt before putting it on. Was something wrong with it? “The Gap, I guess?” Adam looked back up at Thad in confusion. “Why, were you looking to get one too?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. 

chancecunningham​:

when adam snapped, chance held up his hands like a white flag. “don’t come at me, man,” he urged him, shaking his head, “i’m just trying to understand what the fuck is going on.” chance knew he wasn’t wrong to be questioning everyone around him, particularly the people who had been part of this forest commune thing who seemed to be involved. but at the same time…this was adam. chance knew him. he knew he wasn’t capable of being bad or evil. “okay,” chance finally said after a pause, exasperated, “i believe you. you weren’t drunk or on anything or whatever. okay.” 

up until this point, chance had been trying to come up with a logical explanation for everything that had happened. maybe these people were being blackmailed. maybe they were on drugs. maybe that was why they were acting out so violently. but the more adam explained what he knew, the more chance was convinced that this defied logic. “something was controlling you?” he asked as he furrowed his brows in frustration, “what like…something…not human?” now his tone was hushed. he expected this type of talk from someone like jo, but for adam to be suggesting it? someone who grew up with all the same values and ideas as him? well…it was a trip. 

everything adam was saying corroborated chrissy’s story too—about blacking out, about not remembering anything. his heart sank. what had happened to them? what was happening now? chance tuned adam back in just as he was reaching the end of his explanation. apparently that’s how I was acting three years ago when…”right before you died,” chance stated, overlapping with whatever adam was about to say. “i know,” he explained, figuring that warranted an explanation, “i mean…i remember. no one else seems to remember it but i do and i know cole does and it wasn’t just you…” this part chance was telling him in confidence, “i remember chrissy too. dying, i mean. she died, man. she…” his voice trailed off as a lump formed in his throat. he swallowed it down and took a second to regroup. “what do you think this is, adam? like…for real…level with me…what the fuck is this?” adam had always been the one chance went to for advice, for answers. surely he wouldn’t fail him now. 

“I’m not coming at you!” Adam snapped back, not used to being angry with Chance. They’d been best friends since they were little, inseparable until they’d reached high school and suddenly most of Adam’s time had gone to Cole. Adam usually was able to keep a level-head around Chance, but being accused of doing all of that just because he’d been drunk rubbed Adam the wrong way. There was no way Adam was capable of that, even intoxicated.  “I don’t know what the fuck is going on either, Chance,” He said more evenly, running a hand through his hair as he leaned back against the wall. 

He was worried Chance wasn’t going to believe him. After all, they’d both gone to mass growing up. They’d both been raised by parents with specific values and morals. The idea of something controlling him like that? It didn’t make sense, unless they were talking about a demon. Adam was positive if he’d told either of his parents about anything like that, they’d be calling their priest immediately to get him to come see Adam. So for Chance to be somewhat hearing Adam out meant a lot. “Something not human.” Adam confirmed, biting his lip. “I don’t know anything else, really. Just something possessed me, or us, I guess. And it happened to me three years ago too.” 

When Chance mentioned Adam’s death, he was floored. He had known Cole remembered it, and Beth too, but Chance? Fucking hell. Adam had died and it seemed like only three people remembered it happening. That was so difficult to wrap his mind around. “...you remember me dying?” Adam asked, studying Chance’s face as he explained that Chrissy had died too. Oh fuck. Adam hadn’t known that - he hadn’t realized. “Oh my god...” He blinked, trying to understand what all of this meant. “I don’t remember dying. Cole, Beth and you do, I guess. Does Chrissy? She said...she didn’t seem like it. Does she know?” He asked, rambling through the question as he tried to process it all and think back to his conversations with Chrissy since he’d gotten back. “We’re in way over our heads.” Adam admitted to Chance when the other asked him what this all was. “I really don’t know much. I just know whatever possessed me three years ago is dead, according to Max Mayfield. But this new thing seems to be able to control us too.” 

jackforeman​:

All Jack could offer Adam was a shrug of his shoulders about the whole thing. Weird was really the only way to describe anything these days. “Yeah, it was. I wasn’t hungover or anything when I got home, so I don’t know. Maybe there was something in what we drank? That couldn’t be right, though–it was all in cans.” None of it made sense, but that seemed to be something the two could agree on, besides that things definitely could have gone worse. Cole and Adam weren’t hurt, and that was all that mattered.

Jack wasn’t really the most socially aware person on the planet, but he knew when something was up, especially when it was with Adam. He’d been so used to his ticks and tells when they played together, so much so that it was almost speechless. Jack knew from the way Adam looked (or even threw a football) how he was really doing. “Yeah, I kind of noticed. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, like, pry at anything when we were at the rock, it just … I know you, and I could tell there was something up between you guys.” Maybe it was the discussion about how they’d left for the woods that set Adam in a bad mood. He’d said that it was something about when they were gone, after all. Did he want to know, though? The word we meant that Cole did know something when he was at Melvald’s, but hadn’t said anything. Maybe that was the reason for Jo and Julie acting so strange, too. “I don’t know, do I want to know?” he asked, letting out a shaky laugh. “Not that you really had a choice, if Cole had told you, but … do you wish you didn’t? If that makes sense.”

Adam frowned at Jack not being hungover and them all drinking from cans. So maybe they could rule drugs out. “This whole thing is so confusing,” Adam replied, rubbing at his forehead with the heel of his hand. He was just glad they’d all made it safely, though and that nothing worse had happened. Adam didn’t think he could process any more bad shit right now, honestly. 

Playing together for years in high school left Adam and Jack very well acquainted. Jack knew Adam, and Adam knew him - he knew that Jack was a good guy, one of the best honestly. And he hadn’t told Jack about Cole before not because he didn’t trust him specifically, just...being open in Indiana wasn’t easy. Adam couldn’t be sure which of his jock friends might turn on him, hurting him or Cole for their relationship. But... Adam and Jack were bonded for life now by whatever had happened to them three years ago. There was no going back from that. “Yeah...there was. There is.” Adam corrected, staring down at his hands in his lap to avoid looking directly at his friend. “We’re...together,” He admitted quietly, having told a grand total of two people that he was gay before now. Cole and Chrissy. It never felt easier to expose that part of himself - but loving Cole was the easiest thing Adam had ever done. He just always had to remember that part when telling someone, to make the confession itself not seem so big. “I wish...” Adam sighed, sitting up straighter and leaning back in his chair. “Honestly, dude, I wish I didn’t know. I wish Cole hadn’t told me,” He admitted finally, not wanting to blame Cole. It wasn’t his fault. The thought itself was just so unthinkable to Adam, and he wished he could have lived in ignorance for longer. “But it’s your choice to make, man. I can’t make it for you.” 

mmuscles​:

thad had a couple of harmless run ins with adam, he was pretty easy to mess around with, make tick. but the unfortunate side to that was as thad learned how to push adam’s buttons, adam learned how to push his. “you’re being such a girl, richards.” he taunted adam with a sly smirk. his anger was admittedly not the most welcome sight, but from what he’d seen, this dude couldn’t hurt a fly, so thad would keep it up. at emerson, thad didn’t have to try so hard to maintain power. he’d established that with his flashy car and fancy last name on the first day of freshman year, but in hawkins, nobody seemed to have respect for that sort of things, especially not adam. that’s what thad convinced himself this all came down to, power, not cole or anything like that. never. 

still looking smug, he continued, “he’s like, definition of a pretty boy, dude. look in the dictionary? there’s his picture.” he shrugged, leaning his back against the glass of the vending machine and folding his arms across his chest. he’d gone through enough emotional turmoil with nancy laying in a bed just a few rooms up the hall, he was due for some stress relief. adam, unfortunately, had walked up first. “would you prefer to be the pretty boy richards?” thad asked, unrelenting, “because you definitely fit the bill, pretty boy.”

Adam was so fucking sick of Thad Bradshaw. Every run in that they had had, Thad had been such a dick to him. Had Adam been rude back? Sometimes, sure. But Thad had started it. All the way back to the fucking grocery store, Thad had treated Adam like he was better than him. Like being from somewhere besides Hawkins, coming from money, going to a fancy college, all meant that he was worth more than Adam. It was so stupid.

After their beer pong showdown at the Wheeler’s barbeque, Adam had thought that Thad much actually leave him alone for awhile. Clearly, though, Thad wasn’t over whatever weird beef he had with Adam. And honestly? Adam wasn’t really over it all either. He just wanted Thad to fucking leave him alone already, especially right now while Cole was in the hospital and Adam was partially at fault. It was a sensitive subject, and Thad calling Cole that nickname wasn’t helping. Adam wasn’t upset that they’d hooked up while he was dead, but he was furious that Thad just wasn’t letting it go. “I’m being a girl?” Adam repeated, scoffing at Thad’s insult. It landed, as much as Adam hated to admit it. He’d heard that so many times on the football field - when he got hurt, when he hurt someone else, when he was bummed about a pass not landing. And every time, it embarrassed him. It made him angry. It made him feel like he was being dramatic, like his feelings weren’t valid. And coming from Thad, it made him feel white hot rage.

“Stop calling him that! Just because you two kissed doesn’t mean you can keep saying shit like that!” Adam snapped, trying to keep his voice down. He would never understand what Cole had seen in someone like Thad. Steve and Eddie made sense, but Bradshaw? He was such an asshole. “Shut up,” Adam repeated, momentarily confused by Thad’s insult. No one had ever called him a pretty boy before. What the fuck was Thad playing at? “You’re such a fucking asshole, Thad. No wonder no one even fucking wants you around! Just go back to whatever lame ass school you go to, and leave me alone.”