Colemontgomeryx​:

loverboymontgomery​:

Cole was certainly freaked out by what had happened at the lake. One minute, it felt like high school again– like they were just hanging out with friends at the lake. Then, whatever the fuck was going on reared its ugly head again, freaked Adam out again. That was the worst part to Cole. He desperately wanted Adam’s second chance at life– or re-entering into society, whatever– to be positive. He’d even settle for bearable.

When they’d come away from the shore, Cole had found refuge in the fire. It was starting to get chilly, and he felt like moping alone for a while. Let everyone else talk it out and theorize, but he wanted nothing to do with it. All he could think about was getting out of Hawkins. Clearly, he and Adam had no shot at a normal life here for a multitude of reasons. Their plan had always been to get away, what was stopping them now?

Cole tore his eyes away from the crackling fire as Adam sat down next to him. Despite everything, he smiled at his boyfriend. This felt familiar– the sensation that Adam was nearby but never too close so as to arouse suspicion. Finally, the point in the night where it was safe to be close again, even if they still had to be on guard. 

“Hey,” he echoed, taking the drink with a grateful smile. “It’s really not bad. Maybe I made it all up,” Cole confessed. “And you? Are you okay?” he looked Adam up and down for any sign of injury or distress. Whatever had happened, Adam had been right there, too. “No–” Cole protested quickly, “It’s okay. Really.” Then, quieter, he chanced: “Just… stay with me?” 

In the dark, Cole reached over and took Adam’s hand in his own. It was a risk, but he needed the reassurance. After a few moments of silence, words tumbled frantically out of Cole’s mouth: “What if we just got out of here? We could go anywhere, really, just… maybe it’s Hawkins, and it’s time go. Like we always said. Then all of this wouldn’t matter. I can fix everything.” Cole was embarrassed by his pleading tone.

Being co-host of the camping trip, Adam had had to spend awhile checking in on everyone else when they got back. A lot of theories were being thrown around, as well as stories from the cabin, but he wasn’t paying much attention to them. They sort of went over his head. He didn’t know what grabbed him and Cole, but it had felt stronger than algae. He couldn’t be sure, though. 

Cole drifting away from the others wasn’t surprising to Adam. He understood needing a minute after all of that, and it was starting to get a bit cold out here now that the sun had gone down. Without asking, he passed Cole one of the hoodies he’d brought with him in his duffle bag. If anyone noticed that Cole was wearing his clothes, Adam was kind of beyond caring. He’d do anything that Cole needed him to do right now. 

“You didn’t make it up,” Adam assured with sad eyes, hating that what had happened to them was real. If only it could have been some fucked up nightmare or something. “I’m fine,” He assured, giving Cole a small smile. Honestly, he was worried. But there were no physical marks on him, and he and Cole had both eventually made it to shore. Adam would be okay - this was just another weird thing to add to the list of awful stuff happening around him lately. “I’m not going anywhere.” Adam glanced around, checking to make sure no one was paying too much attention to them. Once he was sure they were safe, he squeezed Cole’s knee in reassurance. 

As Cole began begging him to leave with him, Adam’s heart ached. That had always been the plan, hadn’t it? But Adam had fucked it up somehow three years ago, leaving Cole alone to pick up the pieces. And as much as Adam wanted to go now, he thought about his mother. His dad. Beth, Cindy. He couldn’t just leave them again. He couldn’t run away this time. When he and Cole left, they deserved to know in advance. “Cole,” Adam began sadly, squeezing his hand. “Cole, I want that so bad. I want us to go to California like we planned. I want that.” He assured him, voice steady because someone had to be. “But I can’t leave my family right now. My mom...I don’t think she’s sleeping much, these days. My dad calls home to check and make sure I’m still here every few hours when he’s at work. My sisters didn’t stop crying for hours when I finally came back,” Adam rambled, running a hand through his hair. “I just can’t go right now. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” 

conrad fisher | tsitp 1.06

nilssen​:

𝐖𝐇𝐎: Peter Nilssen & @goldenboyrichards​​​​

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓: Peter’s in his shit, shit, shit era

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄: The Hospital, sorry :/

Shit, shit, shit. Peter was so fucked. He was so fucking fucked. He didn’t know if this was going to bite him in the ass later. It wasn’t his problem, was it? He was told to just keep the skeletons under control, which… he had totally failed at doing. Maybe he wasn’t as good at his job as he thought. Luckily, none of them had been hurt, but with one of their arrests it only seemed logical that someone at Hawkins P.D. would start piecing together that the rest were involved. He had to make sure that didn’t happen.

So, he went to the hospital. There were a million thoughts in his head. What was his purpose for going to the hospital? To find one of his skeletons? Convince them that the explosion wasn’t their fault? Probe them into giving him some sort of information. With a huff, he leaned against the receptionist’s desk, arms folded as he watched and waited for someone he knew to pass by. And then in a chance of luck, Adam Richards walked right past him. “Oh, Adam,” he sang in an attempt to get Adam’s attention. Once he had it, he used two fingers and waved at him with a come hither motion. “What brings you here?” He asked, tilting his head to the side. “You look rather…” he looked the guy up and down,” …Unscathed.”

After worrying for so long about Cole, and making sure he was okay and not in too much pain, Adam had nearly forgotten to check in with anyone else. He couldn’t help it - he had always been a nurturer, someone who took care of others. And now he was taking care of his boyfriend, who he loved very much, and who he had accidentally helped put in the hospital. He was still feeling immense grief about that, along with everything else that had happened at the carnival. 

He was so lost in his own head that as he passed Peter, he didn’t even look at him. Adam was on his way to buy a bottle of water from the vending machine when he heard Peter calling for him. “Oh,” He stopped, turning around and approaching the taller man. “Uh, hey, Peter,” Adam greeted him, trying to ignore the slightly unsettling feeling he had around the man. Peter was fine - nothing was wrong with him. He just knew so much about Adam, and Adam knew very little about the man who was in charge of helping the people of the commune fit back in to society. “I’m here checking on my...friend. Cole,” Adam supplied, lips pressed into a tight smile. “I wasn’t hurt,” He shrugged, not entirely understanding how he could have been near the blast and not felt a thing. It was confusing, but at least he was alive. “It’s really weird,” Adam admitted, brow furrowing in confusion. “I don’t really... remember it. Cole said we lit the explosions, and I heard Billy was arrested.” With a pang of guilt and worry, he looked up at Peter sharply. “Are the rest of us in trouble too?”

zccming​:

max watched as adam danced around her and maybe it was untimely, but she laughed. it was a dry, hollow laugh, one that indicated that she didn’t find him funny, but his behavior ridiculous. from what she had heard about adam, she quickly made an assumption about what this was, and boldly told him, “i’m not afraid of you.” she said it casually, then was sure to let him know, “you don’t have to act like such a freak.” he probably felt guilty, which made sense. max didn’t think he had any reason to and truthfully she hoped her dismissiveness of his precaution would help him believe that. at least a little bit. 

inducting people in the hawkins shit show of supernatural nonsense weren’t exactly max’s favorite conversations, but she calmly, cooly answered any questions adam might have. she might know cole, but she didn’t know him, so even in the wake of tragedy, her walls were firmly up. “it’s probably something new. we’re calling it the doppelganger.” the name rolled of her tongue and left a bad taste in her mouth. if max wasn’t careful, she probably would’ve frowned at adam’s next question. he was so scared. max wished that nobody had to be scared about this shit anymore. “we’ve done it before…” she confirmed, then counted out on her fingers and held up four of them, “four times, but, i wasn’t here the first time. it’ll get taken care of.” it felt kind of wrong to say, she was making it sound too easy, but max was trying to mask her own fears and convince someone else it would be fine. how else was she supposed to do that without a little bit of dishonesty?

apparently i did stuff like this before. adam’s expression fell so far max bit back the urge to say i know. his request was a heavy one, but as her eyes flicked to cole in the hospital bed, max wasn’t sure how she could say no. and more importantly, she didn’t want to. if she had it her way, she’d be in cole’s spot right now. but like life had shown her time and time again, she wasn’t a person who got her way. not over the things that really mattered anyway. max looked back up to adam and nodded, “yeah…” she took a deep breath, “yeah, i got you, totally. you won’t.” the energy in the room was so tense at the possibility of push coming to shove, max tried to cut through it the best she knew how in the presence of a stranger and she made a joke, “i’ll kick your ass, richards. don’t have to ask me twice.” knowing that wasn’t exactly what he asked, max dropped her wall for a split second and offered a more sincere, “i’ll make sure he’s safe. won’t even tell him you asked me either.” she mimed a zipping over her lips, “our secret, if you want.”

Adam blinked in surprise when Max openly pointed out that she wasn’t afraid of him. He wasn’t used to people being so blunt - even Cole had been known to sugarcoat things for Adam from time to time. No one had ever looked Adam in the eyes and called him out on something like that before, and he wasn’t entirely sure how to respond. “Oh, um,” He nodded, brow furrowing in confusion slightly. “Good to know.” Adam didn’t know what Max had experienced before that made her not scared of him, considering how he’d acted at the carnival, and he was kind of worried to find out. Cole had mentioned she’d told him about the Mindflayer, so she had to know that that was what had turned him into this in the first place. At her calling him a freak, he frowned but said nothing. He’d been feeling a lot like one lately. 

Before Adam had found himself at the center of the fucked up stuff in Hawkins with the rest of the tree commune, he hadn’t paid much attention to it. Back when Cole’s previously unknown brother had gone missing, Adam had been concerned and had done his best to support Cole. It had been a scary time, but not too weird from an outside perspective. Not enough for Hawkins to really seem cursed or that fucked up. But now, Adam was wondering how deep all of this truly went. What had he missed out on over the years? “The Doppelganger?” Adam repeated, nose scrunching up at the name. What did that even mean? Where were they getting these names from? “It’s what controlled us at the carnival?” He asked Max, unsure of how much she knew about this thing. She seemed collected, confident - but he wasn’t sure if that was a façade or not. Four times made him feel better, honestly. That was a pretty decent track record. “Have you all ever lost before?” It was a fair question, all things considered. He wasn’t sure if it would piss Max off or not though. 

She didn’t seem shocked by his admittance; Cole must have told her either before he came back or after. He was just so scared of hurting Cole again, of not being able to stop himself like he had the last time. Adam didn’t even know how he had stopped himself, just that he hadn’t squeezed the life out of Cole despite the dark, twisted voice in his head telling him to. Maybe the next time that voice took control again, he wouldn’t be as strong or as lucky. “...thank you,” Adam told her quietly, looking sadly at Cole lying still in the hospital bed. His heart monitor was beating steadily, and that calmed Adam down a bit. “Yeah, good,” He laughed in surprise at Max threatening to kick his ass. “Just make sure he’s alright. And yeah, please don’t tell him I asked.” Adam glanced back over at the younger girl, glad she was offering not to tell Cole. Maybe they should - but Adam didn’t want him to be upset with either of them over the request. 

WHO: Adam Richards & Anyone !

WHAT: Visiting your hometown grocery store as an adult and Hating It

WHERE: Melvald’s 

Once upon a time, going out in public was fine for Adam. A trip to the grocery store probably meant catching up with the his parents’ friends if he ran into them, and going to the diner included getting one or two girls’ phone numbers ( that he never called ). He was used to the attention - it was always positive. 

Sure, the pressure of being Mr. Perfect got to Adam at times, but it was manageable back then. He knew it wouldn’t be something he’d have to deal with forever, because one day, he and Cole would leave for San Francisco and all of this would be left in the rearview mirror. 

That was before he’d died decided to live in a commune for three years. Now, every trip out meant plenty of questions about where he had been, why he had left, what sort of things had happened there. And Adam was sick of it. But that didn’t mean it could go away entirely. 

Pushing a shopping cart through the aisle of Melvald’s, Adam kept his head low, avoiding eye contact. The sooner he could pick stuff up for his mother and get home, the better. But no matter how much he tried to keep a low profile, it didn’t seem to work. Rounding a corner quickly to avoid his sophomore Algebra teacher, Adam accidentally bumped someone with the cart. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” He apologized, hoping he hadn’t hurt the person too badly. 

loverboymontgomery​:

who: Cole & @goldenboyrichards​​

where: Cole’s hospital room :’) 

Everything hurt: his head, his abdomen, his shoulder, his throat. He blinked, but his eyes were heavy and hard to open. What the fuck had happened? His head felt foggy, and his memories were short and senseless. He saw a flash of the Tunnel of Love ride, some unidentified black goo, an explosion, and… Adam looking angry. At him. Adam shoving him away, telling Cole to ‘leave him the fuck alone.’ 

Cole tried to turn onto his side, to hide his teary eyes from the door, in case anyone walked in. Only, moving was no longer simple– he must’ve broken a rib or two, because the pain that lit up Cole’s body was almost strong enough to knock him out. “Fuck,” he exclaimed, brows knit together and stars in his eyes. If he could keep his eyes open long enough to look around, he might have seen Steve in the bed across the room or the figure entering the room and nearing his bed.

Lifting his hands to his face, Cole shielded his eyes from the fluorescent lights. “Why are the lights so fucking bright,” he grumbled to no one in particular. He was about to complain about the bed being angled too high when he locked eyes with him. 

His stomach did a backflip and Cole’s mouth dropped open. He desperately searched Adam’s eyes, trying to decipher who he was right now– his Adam or… whatever he’d been at the carnival? 

“Hey,” he managed, after a beat of silence. Cole desperately wanted to be held, to have some confirmation that Adam was himself again, to push the memories of anyone else to the edge of his mind. 

After getting off of the Tunnel of Love, Adam couldn’t remember a single thing until he woke up surrounded by ash and smoke. Hours of his life were just missing, gone completely as if he’d fallen asleep and woken up. Adam had been popular in high school - he wasn’t unknown at parties. But even back then, he had never truly gotten so drunk that he blacked out. Whatever had happened to him at the carnival was something else entirely, something much more confusing. 

But when he’d come to? All Adam had seen was carnage. People injured, people dead, and Cole being loaded into a fucking ambulance. Adam had been too dazed to follow; he needed a minute to breath and figure out what had even happened. Because he just didn’t know - but there were several people glaring at him like he was responsible for this. Not solely, the others from the forest commune had helped, it seemed. But.... what had they done? And why?

Once he had fully come back into his own body, he remembered the nightmare he’d had. Or maybe it was a memory? But... but Adam would never hurt Cole. Even nightmare Adam hadn’t wanted to. But the thought of shoving him, pinning him against a wall and telling him to ‘fucking leave me alone already’ made Adam’s chest ache. 

As he caught a ride with someone to the hospital, he couldn’t help the tears that collected in his eyes. Just the thought that there was maybe a chance that he’d actually done that made Adam feel like he was going to throw up. 

Adam had waited while Cole lay on a bed, resting after breaking his rib. He couldn’t imagine that he was comfortable - that it didn’t hurt him. Adam would do anything in the world to take the pain from him, add it to his body instead of Cole’s. But there was nothing he could do but watch as his chest rose and fell, steady with the beeping of the heart monitor he was hooked up to. 

When Cole finally came to and asked about the lights, Adam leapt up immediately, reaching over to flick one set of fluorescents off. He thought about turning both off, but... well, what if Cole didn’t want to be in the dark? What if he was scared of Adam? His worst fear was seemingly confirmed when Cole stared at him, studying Adam’s eyes. 

Arms wrapping around him to hold himself together, Adam met his gaze sheepishly. Not because he wanted to, but because Cole deserved to see that it was him standing in front of him.  “Hey,” He replied, feeling far too casual given every fucking thing the two of them had been through. He kept his distance, standing by the light switch near the doorway. “Are you.... is it okay that I’m here?” Adam asked quietly, looking down at the floor. “I was worried about you. I don’t... I don’t know what happened. I don’t remember anything.” 

scribblcs​:

from the moment a client walked in the room, gabe was on, eyes fixed, watching, and scribbling on his notepad without tearing his gentle gaze away from whoever he was seeing. today? it was adam richards, star football player, golden boy, and recently returned from a forest commune he disappeared into three years ago. he looked antsy, which was expected from small town folk like these. where adam smiled tightly, gabe grinned back warm and open. “good afternoon.” he met him, “i’m dr.gabe, as i’m sure you were told.” he dropped his pen and folded his hands over the notepad. he chuckled softly, “do you want to lay down?” he asked adam, looking around his office. “help yourself to any spot or trinkets around here, you’re welcome to smoke if that’s your sort of thing, i have waters in the other room. don’t hesitate to let me know if you need anything, okay?”

he had spent two days sprucing up the place to make it look comfortable, more like a home than an office. there were bean bags and pillows on the floor, a chair, and a large cushioned couch. scattered around the room were plants, quirky incense holders, bookshelves, and a motown record played softly from somewhere in the corner. the floor was covered up with a couple of rugs layered over one another and the blinds were low so to keep the lights from the scattered lamps soft and inviting. gabe took adam’s hand and made a mental note of just how the kid greeted him, “nice to meet you.” he smiled again, then waited for the other to sit down. when he finally looked comfortable, gabe started, “so, adam, how was your day? what did you get up to?” he’d start it off easy, like always.

Mandated therapy to help those who’d been in the ‘forest commune’ adjust felt like a good idea in theory, but bad in practice. After all, who liked being forced to talk about their feelings? Not Adam, at least not with strangers. There was just so much that he knew by now he was supposed to keep to himself. His sexuality, for one thing. But beyond just that, Adam knew that men weren’t supposed to talk about their feelings. He had struggled with that a lot growing up considering how much he wore his heart on his sleeve, but sports had reinforced the idea a lot. Talking about emotions was reserved for Cole, Chrissy or Beth, not a stranger in a doctor’s office in downtown Hawkins. 

“Dr. Gabe?” He repeated, mentally making a note that that must be his first name. Got it. “Oh, um... I guess not?” Adam shrugged. The list of things Gabe was fine with him doing was a little overwhelming at first, but Adam appreciated it. Smoking appealed to him briefly, but he didn’t have any with him. And besides, being an athlete, it wasn’t a good habit anyway. “I think I’m okay. Thank you.” 

The room felt very comfortable, which did ease some of Adam’s concerns. It wasn’t sterile and white like the doctor’s offices he was used to, and there were plants everywhere. His eyes lingered on one near him for a minute - it wasn’t something he was familiar with, but then again, he’d never been a gardener. His mom took care of the flowers at their house. After shaking Gabe’s hand, Adam awkwardly sat down on the couch. He stuck close to the edge, ready to stand back up and make his way back to the door if things got overwhelming. “Um, my day was okay,” He started, glancing at Gabe briefly. “I ran some errands with my mom and took my little sister Cindy to the mall for a bit. Then I came here.” Adam didn’t mind helping his parents out. They were busy, and he liked spending time with Cindy. It meant getting up early, though, and Adam was still tired from spending several days sleeping at the hospital. “How was your day? Am I allowed to ask that?” Adam asked after a second, not wanting to overstep a boundary if it wasn’t okay to ask about Gabe’s life too. 

adam jacob richards & walden cole montgomery

“he was my north, my south, my east and west, my working week and my sunday rest, my noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; i thought that love would last for ever: i was wrong.”

― w.h. auden, stop all the clocks

“come then, put away your sword in its sheath, and let us two go up into my bed so that, lying together in the bed of love, we may then have faith and trust in each other.”

― homer, the odyssey

“so excuse me forgetting, but these things i do. you see, i've forgotten if they're green or they're blue. anyway, the thing is, what i really mean, yours are the sweetest eyes i've ever seen.”

― elton john, your song

“whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” 

― emily bronte, wurthing heights

“he said, "let's get out of this town, drive out of the city, away from the crowds." i thought, heaven can't help me now. nothing lasts forever, but this is gonna take me down. he's so tall and handsome as hell. he's so bad, but he does it so well. i can see the end as it begins, my one condition is: say you'll remember me standing in a nice dress staring at the sunset, babe. red lips and rosy cheeks, say you'll see me again. even if it's just in your wildest dreams.”

― taylor swift, wildest dreams

"he smiled understandingly — much more than understandingly. it was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you might come across four or five times in your life. it faced — or seemed to face — the whole external world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. it understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey."

― f. scott fitzgerald, the great gatsby

“you do not have to be good. you do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. tell me about despair, yours, and i will tell you mine. meanwhile the world goes on.”

― mary oliver, wild geese

stevehharringtcns​:

it was hard falling asleep now, something that had always been so easy for steve. he mostly blamed the pain he was going through it, whether it was his ribs or his wrist or whatever it was that was aching at this point, but he couldn’t seem to be able to fall asleep. he was sure that he could just ask the nurses for some sleeping pills, but he decided not to as he stared up at the ceiling, letting out a sigh in another failed attempt of trying to fall asleep. he knew that cole was right next to him falling asleep and he would have thought adam was too if he didn’t see him standing up and stretching, his eyes drifting towards the other with a small smile on his face as he looked at him.

“yeah, it’s kind of hard to sleep when you’re in an hospital bed… especially when i’ve been here all day.” he said, shrugging his shoulders as he shook his head at adam’s suggestion for him to call the nurse. he appreciated it. “nah, thanks, i’ll be fine. i just… i’ll fall asleep soon enough.” he said with a small nod, looking over at cole for a couple of moments and then back at adam. steve had finally convinced eddie to go back to his trailer for the night at least. the other needed to rest too and steve wasn’t going to let him stay there and not sleep. but he did miss the company now, although adam wasn’t bad company at all. but he understood that the other was very much focused on cole right now. “he’ll be fine, it’s… cole. he always is fine.” he said with a small shrug of his shoulders.

as they started talking about what had happened during the carnival, steve let out a small sigh. he remembered adam acting weird, he still wasn’t sure what had happened, but he wasn’t himself in that moment. “it’s… fine. you guys clearly didn’t know what you were doing. there was just something strange going on.” he said as he bit his lower lip, looking away from adam for a couple of moments. “me? oh, i’m just fine. nothing i can’t handle.” he said - he thought it couldn’t get worse than this, but then again, he thought that every time he had been injured in the past. “are you okay?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

No one had ever said hospital beds were comfortable. But the chairs they kept in there for visitors? Absolute torture. Adam was stiff just from sitting there and then laying down with Cole, he couldn’t imagine how much pain Cole and Steve were in from their injuries on top of that. It was amazing to him that Cole was able to sleep at all, but Adam was grateful for it. To get better, all of them would have to rest up, but that would probably be easier once they were allowed to go home. Adam shot Steve a cautious, sympathetic smile after asking him about whether or not he needed a nurse. 

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Adam nodded, frowning slightly. “I can get more pillows or something, if you want that?” He had always been the type to want to help people, and that was even more true now that he’d been part of the group who’s put Steve and Cole in here in the first place. He felt guilty about the part he’d played, and he wanted to try to help Steve as much as he could. “Okay,” Adam agreed, dropping the idea of going to ask for sleeping pills. He’d do it if Steve changed his mind, but he wasn’t going to push him. 

Adam wanted to argue that Cole was not always fine - not even close. While they didn’t really talk about it, he knew Cole had struggled a lot during the three years Adam hadn’t been around. Cole was great at hiding his pain behind sarcastic comments, but if you were looking closely, you could see the cracks in his façade. And Adam was always paying that much attention to Cole. “....um, how’s Eddie handling stuff?” Adam asked awkwardly after a moment, unsure if Steve knew that Adam knew about them. Cole had mentioned it at Skull Rock, when he’d also told Adam that he’d kissed Thad. Adam didn’t want to make Steve talk about it all if he didn’t want to, but he got what it was like having to hide a relationship. 

“It’s not fine,” Adam shook his head. “But yeah, I wasn’t... in control, really. I don’t know what happened.” He wished he had a better explanation for it all, but he only knew what Cole had told him about whatever the Mindflayer was. Adam didn’t know if Steve knew about that stuff or not, and it didn’t seem like the time to ask. He nodded at Steve saying he could handle it. Hopefully he could. “Good. I mean, this entire situation is fucked, dude.” That felt like an understatement, but Adam really didn’t know what else to say about it all. It was such a messed up situation, and Adam wished he could help to fix it. “Um, yeah,” Adam nodded, shrugging. No, he really wasn’t okay, but he wasn’t going to unload all of that on Steve and make it his problem. Not when he’d helped put Steve in the hospital in the first place. 

scribblcs​:

as adam tossed out gabe’s name like a question, he nodded, smiling encouragingly. it usually fell from people’s lips uncomfortably, like they were breaking some sort of rule by using his first name, but he was a therapist, not a teacher or a mayor. he didn’t see the purpose for formalities, he made that known by adding, “you can just call me gabe if that’s easier, too.” he already had a strong feeling that wouldn’t be the case. maybe he was jumping too many stones ahead, and gabe supposed he would figure out here shortly just who adam richards was, but at first glance, he already reminded gabe of his teenage self. he recalled the days when he did his best to be the perfect son, an upstanding citizen of his small town in illinois, to be kind, to put himself last, to follow rules and do the right thing. he’d come to shed some of it with age, but there were other traits that were immovable qualities of his personality, ones that he had learned to nurture and respect and understand. he was feeling very hopeful he could do the same for adam, but first, gabe had to take about five steps back and confirm his suspicions. like he hadn’t just gone on an entire contemplative hike mid-session, gabe nodded, “let me know if you change your mind at any time. the water isn’t going anywhere.” he assured, flashing another warm grin. 

when adam started talking about his day, gabe began furiously scratching words onto his notepad. by now, he’d mastered the art of taking notes and maintaining eye contact. so as he wrote with his pen, he simultaneously nodded at adam as he spoke. his thoughts came out onto the page, stiff. uncomfortable. family important to him? his scribbling stopped when adam asked him something. initially, he looked pleasantly surprised, but one could never be too cautious. on his paper he wrote, deflecting? then set his pen down and answered, “sure, if you want.” even if the sessions weren’t about gabe, he wanted to do what he could to ease adam this first go around, “it was pretty tame. i woke up, tended to my garden, did the crossword, ran errands, came here.” he intentionally matched adam’s tone, then flipped it back around on the other, “so if that was what you did today, is it fair to say that’s your everyday? or is your normal routine a little different?” he picked up his pen again. 

Being raised in a white, Catholic upper middle class family left Adam physically unable to call an adult by their first name, and at the suggestion, Adam couldn’t help but shoot Dr. Gabe a look of concern. He’d be keeping the title out of respect and he hoped Dr. Gabe understood that. “Oh, um, thank you. But is Dr. Gabe okay?” Adam asked hesitantly, stuffing his hands anxiously in his pockets. He was worried they’d start shaking if he didn’t get over these nerves soon. There wasn’t even a reason to be nervous - if this didn’t go well, Adam would just leave and make some excuse if he was asked about why he wouldn’t be coming back. He could get through one hour long session. After all, Adam had done a lot more difficult stuff than sitting on a couch and talking about himself for awhile. With that in mind, he squared his shoulders a bit, ready to at least try. 

Dr. Gabe’s writing was a bit distracting - Adam couldn’t help but wonder what about his day was that interesting. Spending time with his family was normal, right? Helping his mom with his siblings had always been something Adam had done, and no one had ever questioned it before. Maybe it had made him give up hanging out with Cole or Chrissy in the past, but it wasn’t like he couldn’t reschedule. He was the oldest, and his mother had always counted on him to be the responsible one. Adam hadn’t minded that duty before. “Gardening seems cool,” He nodded, glancing around the room at the plants again. Plants always seemed to brighten a room, in Adam’s opinion. He’d loved it growing up when his mother had had fresh flowers around, especially when his dad had bought them for her. Adam had done that for Cole a few times in high school too - not because he felt like he was supposed to, but because he’d liked picking out a bouquet that he knew Cole would like. 

“Oh, um,” Adam blinked as he was questioned again, not used to someone wanting to hear from him this much. “I guess it’s pretty normal?” Adam said, crossing his legs to keep his knee from bouncing with nerves. “Most days I hang out with my mom and sisters or with Cole.” He shrugged. “He’s my best friend,” The lie rolled off his tongue with ease now from years of pretending like they were just really close friends. It never felt better though, or made Adam happy. “I run or workout some too.” An old habit from his football days that Adam had never dropped. Honestly, he didn’t really want to, though - he liked the endorphins he got from it, and it felt good having a routine like that. It provided him structure, a reason to get out of bed now that he was back.