Jackforeman​:

NEW GIRL 04.02 “Dice”

sinclairss​:

you were there, right?

it was like some kind of secret club only instead of keg parties or secret handshakes, it was a group of people who’d witnessed (or…taken part in? lucas wasn’t sure) the horrors of the carnival. he could merely nod before dropping into the seat opposite adam. suddenly he wasn’t very hungry at all, focused instead on tearing the crust of his pizza off and then into tinier and tinier pieces. “no. not unless you can impersonate tommy hagan.” it was only once the words had fallen so easily from his tongue that lucas thought about them. it was a joke. just a joke. but it was also a little too close to home.

he had a couple of bruises from the impact of the attack, some scrapes from the harsh ground, but nothing that would leave lasting damage. at least not physically. he poked at his food with a fork and thought about the goo that had disintegrated dustin’s before simply dropping the fork and leaning his chair back on two legs, hands propped upon his head as he watched adam carefully. lucas didn’t know how to broach the subject, but he was curious. “what about you? are you…feeling more yourself now?” the quirk of his eyebrows asked half a dozen other questions, including but not limited to do you even remember doing that? do you know what happened? is this a tree commune thing? but he didn’t ask any of those. he just waited, wondering if adam would answer the question he’d asked out loud or something in between.

Adam didn’t get how the kid seemed to be processing this all so well. Maybe he was a naturally level-headed kind of guy, like Adam used to be. Or still was? He didn’t know. Adam was used to being the supportive one, the emotionally mature one who lived to help those around him with their problems. But right now, he was reeling and feeling guilty and like he just wanted to go back to 1985 and run away with Cole a lot sooner. He gave Lucas a small smile when the other joined him, wordlessly offering him the saran wrapped cookie he’d gotten with his lunch. “Wait, what about Tommy?” Adam asked, confused by the mention of the guy he’d hated in high school. Adam vaguely remembered him from the games they’d played before the Tunnel of Love, but he hadn’t heard about him doing anything else yet.

The weirdest thing about it all, though, were the lack of injuries on Adam. He knew that they’d had superhuman strength while they’d been like that, but it seemed weird that none of them had ended up with so much as a scratch. He didn’t know what that meant for them, honestly. As Lucas leaned back, Adam rested his head in his hands, exhaustion weighing on him. “Yeah, I am,” Adam assured Lucas, wondering how much the kid knew or didn’t know about any of it. But frankly, Adam didn’t have anything to hide; any help he could get right now would be great. “It’s like I blacked out or something,” Adam explained, biting his lip. “The last thing I remember is the Tunnel of Love, and then waking up to find out what we did. I don’t understand it.” He sighed, shaking his head and taking a sip from the glass bottle of Tropical Punch Gatorade he’d bought. 

jackforeman​:

Though Adam was right, that he hadn’t killed anyone, either, that didn’t absolve him of the guilt from hurting Steve. In truth, he probably could have killed him, if what he’d heard was true and that he’d kicked the living daylights out of someone who was supposed to be one of his best friends. For what, though? Jack had no idea. Maybe to set off explosive fireworks, but those hadn’t even been his, and he and Adam would never intentionally do something to hurt people like that. They just wouldn’t.

Jack watched Adam’s face grow colorless, as though he’d seen the ghost of himself in Jack’s own eyes as he recounted what had happened. Adam had died, too? His mind raced like the red string on Jo’s board. Adam had known for weeks that he’d been dead, even from the first day that they’d come back from the commune. The forest community that they’d apparently been sent to, but in reality, they’d both come out of the forest rising from the dead. It made absolutely no sense. 

“Hold on,” he said slowly, pulling away from Adam to place his hands on his friend’s shoulders. “You’re telling me that we came out of the commune,” he lifted a hand, flexing his fingers in air quotes, “right, but we’d both been actually dead the entire time. So, the commune … it couldn’t have existed, did it?” It sounded insane, but it was the only thing that made sense, at least right now. “Because … you were there, and I was there, but we actually weren’t. Did it not actually exist at all, or were there just some people there, and they grouped us in with them?” The questions he had were all rhetorical, all ones that neither Jack nor Adam could answer right now, but he at least knew someone who could attempt to tackle the unanswerable. “Jo has this board, this … it’s a murder board, but she doesn’t call it that. But, whatever. Not the point. There has to be something on there that would help us figure this shit out.”

Jack pulled his hands from Adam’s shoulders, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. “I know. I’m sorry, too. I had no idea … I didn’t know that you, you know, died, too. I’m just glad that we have each other.” He paused, turning toward him. “Do you remember anything, at all? Like, about the afterlife? Because I can’t remember shit. It’s like it never happened.”

Neither of them had chosen to commit the actions that they had, Adam understood that. But he was struggling with forgiving himself, even now. He might not have made the decisions, but it had been him doing it regardless. While he could understand logically that he wasn’t responsible, it would take him some time to process the fact that he wasn’t guilty. That he hadn’t killed anyone - the Mindflayer had. The...Doppelganger had, if Max was right. But it was hard to believe that when those things sounded so insane. He had never heard of anything like that before, and Adam tried to be a pretty level-headed guy. Believing in outlandish stuff just wasn’t something that worked for him, usually. But he knew now that he needed to try to believe in it if he wanted a shot at forgiving himself for the things his body had done. 

As Jack put his hands on Adam’s shoulders, Adam looked at him in confusion. He could tell Jack was putting something together, realizing some truth about their situation. “...I don’t know,” He admitted, shaking his head. “I think it had to, right? Why else would Peter be around? Why would they want us to be going to therapy?” How could all of that just... be a coverup? And what were they covering up, if that was what it was? It made Adam’s head hurt to think about, and he just wasn’t sure he could believe all of that. “Not everyone could have died! How would...how could that many people just... come back?” None of this made any sense. Why them? What had Adam ever done to deserve being resurrected? “We just... maybe we came back, and it was around the time they found everyone else, and so they lumped us together?” He shook his head again, not being able to rationalize all of this. “We should talk to Peter. He would know. Right?” 

At the mention of Jo’s murder board, Adam bit his lip. He wasn’t exactly excited by the idea of going over to Jack’s house and seeing his sisters, if he was being honest. Jo hadn’t kicked his ass last time, but what if she’d changed her mind since? Or what if Julie did? 

Jack sat down, and Adam hesitantly followed. Perching on the bed beside him, he kept some distance between the two even now. “Jack, you have nothing to be sorry about.” Adam told him seriously. He was glad to have Jack too, in a way, but that seemed horrifying to admit considering Adam had been the one to kill him. He let out a shaky breath at the mention of an afterlife, hand subconsciously coming up to touch the crucifix that still hung around his neck even after all this time. “...no.” Adam admitted quietly. “There wasn’t anything. Just nothing, and then us waking up in the woods.” 

WHO: Adam & @zccming​

WHAT: How tf haven’t we met yet

WHERE: Cole’s Room

If there was someone who’d been hanging around Cole and Steve’s hospital room as much as himself ( and Eddie, of course ), it was Max Mayfield. Unfortunately for Adam, most of the time, she’d been around while he’d been asleep. The events of the carnival had exhausted him, and any chance he got to sleep either curled up around Cole or sitting in the chair, holding his hand, Adam took. But this time, he seemed to have woken up before Cole and found her in one of the chairs in the room. “Oh, hey,” He greeted quietly, being very careful not to wake Cole as he got out of the small hospital bed. 

He wasn’t sure how she felt about him after everything that had happened at the carnival. Adam couldn’t blame her if she hated him or blamed him for what had happened because honestly, he blamed himself too. He didn’t understand any of it, even the things that Cole had shared with him confused him. Adam just knew that the blackouts were dangerous and had happened before. Giving her her space, Adam kept to the edges of the room after he’d stood up and stretched. “I’m sorry about the carnival,” He finally said, studying her. “I don’t get this. I don’t know what’s happening to me or why we did that.” The lack of answers terrified him, honestly. 

loverboymontgomery​:

who: Cole & @goldenboyrichards​​

where: Cole’s hospital room :’) 

Everything hurt: his head, his abdomen, his shoulder, his throat. He blinked, but his eyes were heavy and hard to open. What the fuck had happened? His head felt foggy, and his memories were short and senseless. He saw a flash of the Tunnel of Love ride, some unidentified black goo, an explosion, and… Adam looking angry. At him. Adam shoving him away, telling Cole to ‘leave him the fuck alone.’ 

Cole tried to turn onto his side, to hide his teary eyes from the door, in case anyone walked in. Only, moving was no longer simple– he must’ve broken a rib or two, because the pain that lit up Cole’s body was almost strong enough to knock him out. “Fuck,” he exclaimed, brows knit together and stars in his eyes. If he could keep his eyes open long enough to look around, he might have seen Steve in the bed across the room or the figure entering the room and nearing his bed.

Lifting his hands to his face, Cole shielded his eyes from the fluorescent lights. “Why are the lights so fucking bright,” he grumbled to no one in particular. He was about to complain about the bed being angled too high when he locked eyes with him. 

His stomach did a backflip and Cole’s mouth dropped open. He desperately searched Adam’s eyes, trying to decipher who he was right now– his Adam or… whatever he’d been at the carnival? 

“Hey,” he managed, after a beat of silence. Cole desperately wanted to be held, to have some confirmation that Adam was himself again, to push the memories of anyone else to the edge of his mind. 

After getting off of the Tunnel of Love, Adam couldn’t remember a single thing until he woke up surrounded by ash and smoke. Hours of his life were just missing, gone completely as if he’d fallen asleep and woken up. Adam had been popular in high school - he wasn’t unknown at parties. But even back then, he had never truly gotten so drunk that he blacked out. Whatever had happened to him at the carnival was something else entirely, something much more confusing. 

But when he’d come to? All Adam had seen was carnage. People injured, people dead, and Cole being loaded into a fucking ambulance. Adam had been too dazed to follow; he needed a minute to breath and figure out what had even happened. Because he just didn’t know - but there were several people glaring at him like he was responsible for this. Not solely, the others from the forest commune had helped, it seemed. But.... what had they done? And why?

Once he had fully come back into his own body, he remembered the nightmare he’d had. Or maybe it was a memory? But... but Adam would never hurt Cole. Even nightmare Adam hadn’t wanted to. But the thought of shoving him, pinning him against a wall and telling him to ‘fucking leave me alone already’ made Adam’s chest ache. 

As he caught a ride with someone to the hospital, he couldn’t help the tears that collected in his eyes. Just the thought that there was maybe a chance that he’d actually done that made Adam feel like he was going to throw up. 

Adam had waited while Cole lay on a bed, resting after breaking his rib. He couldn’t imagine that he was comfortable - that it didn’t hurt him. Adam would do anything in the world to take the pain from him, add it to his body instead of Cole’s. But there was nothing he could do but watch as his chest rose and fell, steady with the beeping of the heart monitor he was hooked up to. 

When Cole finally came to and asked about the lights, Adam leapt up immediately, reaching over to flick one set of fluorescents off. He thought about turning both off, but... well, what if Cole didn’t want to be in the dark? What if he was scared of Adam? His worst fear was seemingly confirmed when Cole stared at him, studying Adam’s eyes. 

Arms wrapping around him to hold himself together, Adam met his gaze sheepishly. Not because he wanted to, but because Cole deserved to see that it was him standing in front of him.  “Hey,” He replied, feeling far too casual given every fucking thing the two of them had been through. He kept his distance, standing by the light switch near the doorway. “Are you.... is it okay that I’m here?” Adam asked quietly, looking down at the floor. “I was worried about you. I don’t... I don’t know what happened. I don’t remember anything.” 

zccming​:

max watched as adam danced around her and maybe it was untimely, but she laughed. it was a dry, hollow laugh, one that indicated that she didn’t find him funny, but his behavior ridiculous. from what she had heard about adam, she quickly made an assumption about what this was, and boldly told him, “i’m not afraid of you.” she said it casually, then was sure to let him know, “you don’t have to act like such a freak.” he probably felt guilty, which made sense. max didn’t think he had any reason to and truthfully she hoped her dismissiveness of his precaution would help him believe that. at least a little bit. 

inducting people in the hawkins shit show of supernatural nonsense weren’t exactly max’s favorite conversations, but she calmly, cooly answered any questions adam might have. she might know cole, but she didn’t know him, so even in the wake of tragedy, her walls were firmly up. “it’s probably something new. we’re calling it the doppelganger.” the name rolled of her tongue and left a bad taste in her mouth. if max wasn’t careful, she probably would’ve frowned at adam’s next question. he was so scared. max wished that nobody had to be scared about this shit anymore. “we’ve done it before…” she confirmed, then counted out on her fingers and held up four of them, “four times, but, i wasn’t here the first time. it’ll get taken care of.” it felt kind of wrong to say, she was making it sound too easy, but max was trying to mask her own fears and convince someone else it would be fine. how else was she supposed to do that without a little bit of dishonesty?

apparently i did stuff like this before. adam’s expression fell so far max bit back the urge to say i know. his request was a heavy one, but as her eyes flicked to cole in the hospital bed, max wasn’t sure how she could say no. and more importantly, she didn’t want to. if she had it her way, she’d be in cole’s spot right now. but like life had shown her time and time again, she wasn’t a person who got her way. not over the things that really mattered anyway. max looked back up to adam and nodded, “yeah…” she took a deep breath, “yeah, i got you, totally. you won’t.” the energy in the room was so tense at the possibility of push coming to shove, max tried to cut through it the best she knew how in the presence of a stranger and she made a joke, “i’ll kick your ass, richards. don’t have to ask me twice.” knowing that wasn’t exactly what he asked, max dropped her wall for a split second and offered a more sincere, “i’ll make sure he’s safe. won’t even tell him you asked me either.” she mimed a zipping over her lips, “our secret, if you want.”

Adam blinked in surprise when Max openly pointed out that she wasn’t afraid of him. He wasn’t used to people being so blunt - even Cole had been known to sugarcoat things for Adam from time to time. No one had ever looked Adam in the eyes and called him out on something like that before, and he wasn’t entirely sure how to respond. “Oh, um,” He nodded, brow furrowing in confusion slightly. “Good to know.” Adam didn’t know what Max had experienced before that made her not scared of him, considering how he’d acted at the carnival, and he was kind of worried to find out. Cole had mentioned she’d told him about the Mindflayer, so she had to know that that was what had turned him into this in the first place. At her calling him a freak, he frowned but said nothing. He’d been feeling a lot like one lately. 

Before Adam had found himself at the center of the fucked up stuff in Hawkins with the rest of the tree commune, he hadn’t paid much attention to it. Back when Cole’s previously unknown brother had gone missing, Adam had been concerned and had done his best to support Cole. It had been a scary time, but not too weird from an outside perspective. Not enough for Hawkins to really seem cursed or that fucked up. But now, Adam was wondering how deep all of this truly went. What had he missed out on over the years? “The Doppelganger?” Adam repeated, nose scrunching up at the name. What did that even mean? Where were they getting these names from? “It’s what controlled us at the carnival?” He asked Max, unsure of how much she knew about this thing. She seemed collected, confident - but he wasn’t sure if that was a façade or not. Four times made him feel better, honestly. That was a pretty decent track record. “Have you all ever lost before?” It was a fair question, all things considered. He wasn’t sure if it would piss Max off or not though. 

She didn’t seem shocked by his admittance; Cole must have told her either before he came back or after. He was just so scared of hurting Cole again, of not being able to stop himself like he had the last time. Adam didn’t even know how he had stopped himself, just that he hadn’t squeezed the life out of Cole despite the dark, twisted voice in his head telling him to. Maybe the next time that voice took control again, he wouldn’t be as strong or as lucky. “...thank you,” Adam told her quietly, looking sadly at Cole lying still in the hospital bed. His heart monitor was beating steadily, and that calmed Adam down a bit. “Yeah, good,” He laughed in surprise at Max threatening to kick his ass. “Just make sure he’s alright. And yeah, please don’t tell him I asked.” Adam glanced back over at the younger girl, glad she was offering not to tell Cole. Maybe they should - but Adam didn’t want him to be upset with either of them over the request. 

loverboymontgomery​:

When Adam passed Cole his hoodie, he smiled. Though it was a cliche, he loved wearing Adam’s clothes– so much so that he’d periodically stolen dozens of shirts, hoodies, and jackets over the years. He brushed his hand against Adam’s and tugged the hoodie on, trying to act cool, calm, and collected when he was anything but. Both because he was freaking out about whatever had grabbed them in the lake and because Adam was here, looking at him with those eyes, and he wasn’t allowed to hold him.

“Kind of wish I did,” Cole said, with a sigh. He wished he had answers for Adam– or rather, that his answers made any fucking sense. When Max had told him about the Upside Down and the Mindflayer and the fucked up shit happening in Hawkins, it had actually made him feel better, for a while. He finally knew that Adam hadn’t died hating him, that he was… possessed. But when Adam showed back up with a completely different story, any comfort Cole took in the truth was long gone. 

I’m not going anywhere. Cole closed his eyes for a moment and willed himself to believe it. Only, Adam couldn’t guarantee that. Cole couldn’t guarantee that either. Adam coming back both gave Cole a future again and threatened his utter demise. Losing Adam once had already destroyed him, but the thought of losing him twice felt like a death sentence. He did his best to muster up a smile, so as not to worry his boyfriend, but Cole knew better. Adam was always able to tell when something was up. 

Cole knew Adam’s answer before he elaborated, just based on the way he said his name. He nodded profusely along as Adam spoke, as guilt settled into his stomach. Of course Adam couldn’t leave his family now. He’d just gotten caught up in the moment, in his own fears, and was desperately trying to find something to cling to. “Of course, love. Of course,” he murmured, squeezing Adam’s hand back. “I’m sorry, that was… I was being emotional. I don’t want you to leave your family.” If anything, Cole wanted to bring Adam’s family with them. “I understand how they feel. I’m so scared of losing you again,” he finally admitted, rubbing circles on Adam’s hand with his thumb. 

Their relationship had never gotten to look like a straight couple’s. In high school, Adam didn’t get to walk down the hall hand in hand with Cole, or kiss him when they got to their classroom door. Cole couldn’t show up to Adam’s games with Adam’s jersey number painted on his cheek. They couldn’t be out. That just wasn’t an option in Hawkins, Indiana. But they had always managed to find little ways of reclaiming the public displays of affection that they deserved. From sitting too close on the bus to away games to a casual arm thrown across the other’s shoulder, Adam and Cole had always tried to show how much they loved one another in their own way. Cole wearing Adam’s clothes was probably Adam’s favorite, though. He loved seeing the other in his hoodies or sweaters; he’d even given Cole his fucking letterman jacket in school, almost daring anyone to say something. So giving him another hoodie tonight was more than worth it if it warmed Cole up and brought a smile to his face after everything that had happened. 

“Yeah, me too,” Adam agreed, leaning back on the log. If only it was that simple. If only they’d had some sort of weird, freaky, shared nightmare or something. But something had happened, hadn’t it? Adam had felt it just as much as Cole. And that didn’t comfort him in the end. “But, we’re okay. Right? We both lived. We’re both here. We’ll get through this.” Maybe that was too optimistic, but Adam had always brought that to their relationship. Where Cole was more pragmatic, more understanding of the cruelties of the world, Adam was kind. He was gentle. He saw the best in all situations and people. And right now, they needed a little bit of optimism before they....well, before they drowned. 

It killed Adam to turn Cole down. If he could just go, he would in a heartbeat. That had always been the plan, after all - for them to leave, runaway together and move out to California. Somewhere where they could just be together. Where no one would hurt them for holding hands, or would look at them strangely for living together. And Adam had ruined that. Whether he meant to or not, Adam had kept them from leaving, and he was doing it again. It broke him to do that, but he couldn’t just leave his family. Not right now. “I’m so sorry, honey,” Adam told him, bringing Cole’s hand up to his mouth and kissing the back of it. If someone saw right now, Adam would say he was fucking kidding or something - but he needed to comfort Cole. “No, baby, it’s okay to be emotional.” Fuck, Adam was emotional. He felt sometimes like his heart was too big for his rib cage - it expanded out, bloody and raw for the world to see and judge and treat however it saw fit. He couldn’t hide a fucking emotion if he tried. “You won’t.” Adam swore. “I promise, Cole, I’m going to do everything that I can to be with you forever. Whatever happened before - we’ll just make sure it doesn’t happen again, okay? Together.” 

bethkrichards​:

Beth had never wanted to think about how her brother had acted in the week or so before he died. She and Cole had discussed what they thought had gone wrong, what could possibly be the reason why Adam had taken such a turn from himself to the exact opposite plenty of times. It was at rest, until now. She had come to accept that there was something, someone, controlling him, however that came to be. Beth didn’t want to think too much into it; she knew herself, and knew that she would wind up going down a rabbit hole of investigation if she kept thinking about it. There was already enough on her plate with trying to make up for being the only Richards child in college.

It was only a matter of time, though, before Adam remembered the way he was back then. It must have been Cole who had brought it up, after hearing that Adam had nearly choked him. Beth let out a sigh, taking ahold of her brother’s hand. “No, you didn’t hurt us,” she assured him. Biting her lip, she contemplated if she should keep going. “You were just … a little harsh. I don’t really know how to describe it. You were extra angry, and I’d assumed that there was something going on with Cole, but it wasn’t, and then you were just gone.” She stared down at the comforter, tracing the small blue squares with her fingers. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why. I should’ve tried to figure it out, but with school, and mom and dad, I just … couldn’t.”

With how the conversation had taken a turn, Beth figured she probably shouldn’t be seen in public about to burst into tears thinking about Adam’s death. “Let’s take the basement,” she decided, giving Adam’s hand a light squeeze and flashing a small smile. “I think it’s the time for The Price is Right.” Before he passed, she and Adam had made it a summer ritual to watch the show nearly every day, seeing if they could guess the prices better than the contestants. Beth hadn’t watched it much since, but now that Adam was back, she supposed their traditions could be, too.

Adam didn’t keep secrets from Beth - not really. The closest he’d come was Cole, and even then she’d found out pretty soon after they’d gotten together. She was one of the people he was closest to in the world. So it felt odd to not talk to her about his death, about whatever the Mindflayer was. Beth deserved to know. While Adam liked protecting her from things thanks to their two year age gap, when he’d come back, he’d had to face the fact that she was an adult now. She had grown up, and she could handle news like this. 

She didn’t seemed too surprised by the question, which worried him. Beth must have noticed he was different that week, or maybe Cole had let it slip that Adam had tried to hurt him? The thought made Adam’s chest tight. What had he done to his sisters? “Thank God,” He choked out, relief flooding through him immediately. If he had done anything to Beth, or God forbid, Cindy, then Adam would have never forgiven himself. “Lizzie, I’m so sorry,” He apologized immediately, squeezing her hand tightly. “I know you couldn’t have solved it. That wasn’t your job, Beth. You don’t always have to try to fix things,” Adam told her gently, not even slightly blaming her for not realizing he had been controlled that last week. His death had forced her to take on all of the responsibility he’d left behind - he could see that now. And that thought made him want to cry; Beth didn’t deserve that. 

He smiled at the mention of their old favorite show, remembering how competitive they’d gotten about guessing the prices. Any time Adam had gone to Melvald’s with his mom after that, he’s scoped out all the usual items to make sure he would be able to beat her in the future. “Yeah, let’s do it.” Adam nodded, standing up and heading down to the basement. Claiming his usual spot at the end of the couch, he reached for the remote and turned the TV on. Once they were settled in and Bob Barker’s voice was filling the room, he turned back to Beth. “Cole explained what happened to me, kind of.” He told her, unsure what she had been told about it all. “He said it was called the Mindflayer. He didn’t really know much about it, just some stuff he’d heard from Max. Apparently it possessed me.” Adam told her quietly, eyes avoiding her as he repeated what he’d learned from Cole. The thought of being possessed still freaked him out, but he thought Beth should know in case anything ever happened again. 

new kind of guy who just really likes the first 30 minutes to an hour of horror movies thats just people doing regular things and turns it off as soon as the horror part starts to kick in

loverboymontgomery​:

The rush of tears made Cole feel lightheaded and, despite his frantic blinking, they spilled down his cheeks. It was him. Adam was okay. He knew it was his him when he heard the layers of guilt in his voice, when his boyfriend angled his head to the floor. Cole hated seeing him like this, maybe just as much as he hated seeing out-of-body Adam. “Sweetheart,” Cole cooed, attempting to make his brittle voice sound comforting.

“Of course… Of course I want you here. Will you come sit by me?” he asked gently, though internally he felt like he was twelve years old, begging his mother not to leave him at bedtime. He was afraid of what happened, of course. But more than he was afraid for his own safety, he was terrified of what all of this meant for Adam. A pang of guilt swirled amidst the fear; Cole should’ve told Adam everything he knew, right away.

As Adam sat next to him, still cautious, afraid of something, Cole reached out his arm, offered his hand. “I’m okay,” he promised. “I’ll be fine. Are you okay? Did you get hurt?” He searched Adam’s body for any sign of injury and met his eyes. Cole desperately wished that this was all they had to talk about, that Adam could climb into bed with him and things could be simple. But he knew better, and he wouldn’t leave Adam in the dark, not again.

Painfully, Cole twisted and picked up his water, needing some relief for his throat before he dared dive into this. “You don’t remember anything?” he asked, eyes lingering on the crease in Adam’s brow. He desperately wanted to shield Adam from this, to never tell him what horrible things had been done and said through his body.

Cole was crying again, in anticipation for how much this was going to hurt Adam. Adam, who couldn’t fathom hurting another person or letting someone down. Adam, who was always so good, who happily took on the burden of being the strong one, the shoulder to cry on. Adam, who deserved better than all of this. Cole bit down on his trembling lower lip, willing himself to keep it together, if only for Adam’s sake.

“Before you died,” he began cautiously, knowing that even saying that much was still shocking, “You were different. It wasn’t you. I didn’t know until later, but you were… possessed, I guess. By this thing they call the Mindflayer. It made you act different and then… it killed you. Or, it died and you died with it.” The whole thing still hurt his head, honestly, and there weren’t nearly enough answers. “I don’t know how or who or why but… you came back. And I think it’s happening again… it controlling you. I thought you were going to die again,” he choked back another influx of tears, remembering that horrifying moment at the carnival.

Cole had immediately recognized the similarities between Adam at the carnival and Adam the last day he saw him– the stiffness of his body, the coldness of his tone, the cruelty of his words. He hoped Adam never found out about that moment. Swiping at his cheek with the back of his hand, Cole met Adam’s eyes again and tried for an encouraging smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, and I’m sorry I don’t have more answers. But we’ll figure it out. Together, like you said.” He lifted Adam’s hand to his lips, ignoring the shooting pain from his ribcage. “I promise, love, we’ll figure it out.” He didn’t know what figuring it out meant, not even remotely, but he knew he wasn’t going anywhere until they did.

Adam wouldn’t have blamed him if Cole had told him to leave. Because Adam didn’t know what he had or hadn’t done - especially to Cole - but he knew it couldn’t be pretty. He was just so fucking worried that his nightmare really was a memory, that he’d said those things and shoved Cole up against a wall and nearly choked him. He wouldn’t be mad at Cole if he was scared of him, because until Adam got some answers, he was pretty scared of himself.

But his chest ached when Cole called him Sweetheart, voice rough but so Cole. That alone made him want to cry and hold him and tell him that he’d never ever ever want to do something to upset Cole again. And when Cole asked him to sit with him? Adam had no choice but to walk closer, sitting down gently on the edge of the bed, farther away from Cole than he would normally. As much as Adam wanted to seek comfort from his boyfriend, he didn’t want to jostle any of his injuries.

“Are you sure?” Adam asked urgently, blue eyes studying Cole closely. He knew he wasn’t physically okay - he had broken a rib. But how was he handling all of this emotionally? Cole had a tendency to be in denial of things, to want them to be perfect even when everything was falling apart around them. And Adam needed to know that he wasn’t doing that right now. “Baby, you have to tell me if you’re not okay. Please. I can’t,” He took a deep breath, pressing his lips into a thin line. “I can’t handle it if you’re not honest.”

He reflexively tried to reach for the water for Cole, to take care of him without even being asked. But Cole could do it himself. He didn’t need Adam to smother him right now, no matter how much Adam wanted to. He slowly lowered his hands back to his lap, clasping his knees tightly. “Not from the carnival,” Adam admitted sadly, biting his lip. “Just riding the Tunnel of Love, and then I woke up to you being put into an ambulance.” He finally let himself lean a little closer, needing physical contact to ground himself. His hand slipped into Cole’s, squeezing it gently.

Adam hated seeing Cole cry. If he could do something to make it better, to shield him from whatever pain he was facing, he would. Adam would shoulder any burden if it meant keeping Cole happy and healthy and safe. He would do anything in the world that Cole Montgomery asked him to do - something that had been true since they met in early high school. Gently, he leaned forward and wiped away Cole’s tears with his free hand, touch feather light against his skin.

And then Adam’s world collapsed.

“I…what?” He asked, confusion lacing his voice. That didn’t make any sense. He had been possessed? By…by a demon, or something like that? For one gut wrenching moment, Adam worried that maybe this was God’s way of punishing him for being who he was. For who he loved. But Cole called it the Mindflayer, and that didn’t sound like any demon he’d ever heard about in church on Sunday. “So I really died?” Adam begged Cole to lie, to tell him that he was kidding. But something in his eyes said that this was true. He didn’t even try to stop the tears that were flowing down his cheeks now, letting them hit the starched sheets of Cole’s hospital bed.

“What if I am?” He asked, lip trembling at the thought. Adam didn’t want to die. He was still so young - there was so much of the world he wanted to see. He wanted to live with and love Cole for as many years as possible, not die before he’d even turned 25. Right now, he needed to comfort Cole though, and he leaned forward to sob on his shoulder, free hand wrapping around his neck as gently as possible. In the nightmare he’d wanted to do that out of anger, but now the only thing Adam felt for Cole was love. Love and guilt for putting him through this.

“I do remember… something from before. Or maybe it isn’t a memory, maybe it was a - a nightmare, or something,” He rambled, tears continuing to fall as his thumb rubbed over the back of Cole’s neck from the uncomfortable position he was committing to. “I…or, it wasn’t me but it was me. It was my body. I was so mean to you, and I shoved you against a wall and told you to leave me alone. I thought I was going to kill you, Cole. But I…I stopped it. I don’t know what I did, but I stopped it.” Adam told him, sobbing into the space between Cole’s neck and shoulder. Maybe this wasn’t fair - maybe he shouldn’t be acting like this when it was Cole in the hospital, not him. But fuck, Adam needed comfort. Adam needed to know Cole was alive and that they could get through it together. That Cole didn’t hate him or blame him. “I love you.” He whispered when his tears felt like they might begin to subside. “I love you more than anything, Walden.”