I Feel Like I Died Years Ago...

“Where do you see yourself in the future”

Bb I don’t. I do not. I do not see myself. There is no future.

I've been sobbing over Laika for like 2 days now because she represents so much to me. She represents the animals we sent to space to die. The animals we love. The animals we treat horribly for our own gain. Félicette. Miss Baker. Belka and Strelka. She represents the love humans can have for something. The determination we have. How cruel we can be. How selfish we are. How selfess we are to craft poems and art and statues for a dog we'll never meet.

She's our paitron saint of one-way trips, and the mother of our stars.

i mean, genuinely, what's the fucking point anymore? day after day after day of feeling useless and alone while the world passes me by. just a shell of who i once was. i have nothing going for me, no talents, no skills, no passions, no uses. i'm just a cog in the machine that is capitalism. why can't i bring myself to do it? is it because my sister graduates college in the spring, and doing it now would fuck her whole future up? i can wait until the end of may, i'll be 21 by then... that's about 8 yearr longer than i expected.

Tendou: Hey Wakatoshi, would you still love me if I was a worm?

Ushijima: But you aren't one.

Tendou: I know, but I said IF I was a worm

Tendou: If I turned into a worm would you still love me?

Ushijima: In what possible situation would you turn into a worm.

Tendou: I know that! I was just-

Tendou: Oh nevermind it's not that important.

*30 minutes later*

Ushijima: I would make you a terrarium.

Tendou: huh?

Ushijima: If you turned into a worm I would build you a small terrarium, with wet soil and plently of rotting leaves so that you had enough food to eat.

Ushijima: And then I'd put you in a dark corner, so that your skin wouldn't dry out in the sunlight.

Tendou: oh 😭

I hate my life so much, I'm stuck in this circle. I'm happy for 2 months, then I get miserable all over again. I just wanna feel like a normal person, without being afraid what comes after this happiness.

my brain feels so hot in my head

please don't give up on me 😭😭 you are the only person that's keeping me alive rn and i dont want to lose you

I'd like to experience what love is like for someone with no psychological issues

happy birthday ushijima anyway I bet Tendou saw it was international left handers day, and decided as a joke to plan a big surprise and do like a playful "hey its your day buddy" in like a jokey way to make fun of him and then he shows up for this surprise and is like "how did you know it was my birthday?? i do not believe I'd mentioned??? ah of course you knew, you are very clever :)" and Tendou is just like "HAHAHA LIKE I DONT KNOW MY BEST FRIENDS BIRTHDAY PFFTT-" and then sprints to the kitchen to scrape the left-handed jokes off the cake because how the FUCK did this happen?