Beau Is Afraid Personal Analysis:

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beau is afraid is uncanny in separating who understands or has experienced cPTSD and who has not because those who have not think beau is just irrationally anxious and “too afraid to live his life”. meanwhile those with cPTSD are like um he actually was abused emotionally/mentally/physically (medications)/sexually/financially his entire life and has learned pattern recognition but go off i guess? like these are the same people who think once someone is 18 they have full control over their lives, so they don’t understand why disobeying a parent might result in homelessness which may result in disabling illness which may result in death lolol. they can’t put those chains together because they weren’t constantly abused and punished. they’re the same people who don’t get why gypsy rose didn’t just “tell the police” (even tho she did try that).

another scene i particularly liked was the mother screaming at beau for not making decisions. for needing clarity or asking questions. reminds me of my entire autistic childhood and adults yelling at me. still makes no sense.

Very late but that second to last paragraph is too relatable my gods. They really captured that dread and constant nerve of never actually being alone. Never having a single breath be without the anxiety of what could come if you fucked up or accidentally fell into the same room as a mind reader that somehow heard everything you were thinking and would relay it to whatever person you wanted to have hear it the least. This movie traumatized me in a good way.

Beau is Afraid is the movie I have been waiting for

!Spoilers Ahead! *LONG POST*

TW: Child Abuse, Gaslighting, Narcissistic Abuse, Strangulation, Discussions of Severe Anxiety

Like many people I knew Ari Aster as the guy who made Hereditary and Midsommar. Weird and trauma focused horror and that is definitely what Beau is Afraid is classified as, but it is nothing like his previous films.

To summarize, Beau is afraid starts off with Beau meeting his therapist (well it literally starts with Beau being born but i digress) and here we learn that Beau has a severe and crippling anxiety disorder. From the moment Beau starts talking about his mother I knew exactly what this movie was going to be about(though i don’t think anyone could guess the plot). We see that he is planning to visit his mother the next day because it’s the anniversary of his fathers death. Due to unforeseen circumstances Beau oversleeps and as he is rushing his keys get stolen out of his door along with his suitcase. Beau calls to tell his mom just wanting to tell her what’s happened and as she began to speak I got immediately triggered. You can see him sink into a shell of himself as she tries to make him feel guilty for thinking he should stay at home since someone has access to his apartment. She hangs up on him and Beau begins to lose it a little bit.

A lot of things domino fall and this leads to Beau getting locked out of his apartment (this also leads to the first time we see Beau experience something i’ve never seen so perfectly portrayed in a film. executive dysfunction. and it happens multiple times, he simply freezes in place even though he knows he should move. Part of it is definitely his anxiety as he is afraid to move because thats a decision and he doesn’t want the responsibility of what comes after a decision)and learning that his mother was killed by a falling chandelier. Then we see him get hit by a car. He ends up in the care of a family and long story short he has to run from them and ends up in the woods with a theatre troupe.

This is important because we learn that Beau’s biggest dream is to simply have a job and home of his own with a family that loves him. That’s his perfect future, but even as he’s seeing it playing out his kind can’t help but conjure up the worst case scenarios. We also see it repeated here that Beau can’t have kids because he can’t have sex because of a genetic heart murmur that killed his father. After Beau is separated from the theatre troupe he makes his way to his mothers house(though he should have been healing after being hit by a car and being stabbed his ONLY CONCERN was his mother not being humiliated by not being buried). When he sees her body he isn’t at peace yet but he lays down and gets his first night of good rest in days. When he wakes up he is greeted with his old friend Elaine who asked him to wait for her and he did. Long story short, Beau and her have sex. He is under the direct impression he is going to die when this happens.

But he doesn’t. However, Elaine does. He is rightfully terrified and cowers in fear until the music Elaine was playing suddenly shuts off and he looks up to find none other than his mother staring back at him. She faked her death to get him home and then tries to turn this on Beau saying he couldn’t wait for her to die, when Beau admits he knew she was alive because of the birthmark on the hands on the body. But she’s not done. Out of the shadows steps Beau’s therapist as his mother begins playing a recording of one of his sessions where Beau admits reluctantly that he felt his mothers love was conditional. Since he feels like he has nothing to lose he chooses to finally confront his mother about the dream he has where he sees an identical version of himself ask about his father because Beau isn’t brave enough and he asks where his father is.

His mother takes him to the attic from the dream and tells him to go up there telling him it wasn’t a dream, it was a memory. There Beau meets his twin brother and his father(it’s a lot more batshit than this but that’s the gist of it). He begs to go back down and his mother finally lets him and he LITERALLY KISSES HER LEGS telling her he’s sorry. But she’s still not done. She goes on a whole tirade about how her mother blamed her for her mothers mistakes completely missing how she’s doing the same to Beau. She continues to berate him until she finally says what she means. She hates Beau. And at that point Beau puts his hands around her throat, strangling her. He eventually comes to his senses and lets her go, shocked at his own actions, but the damage has been done, she collapses and dies.

Beau leaves the house the look of shock frozen on his face and he reaches a motorboat on his mothers private little beach. He starts the motor and begins to drive the boat towards a cavern. For the first time the whole movie Beau seems like he might no longer be afraid. Until the motor mysteriously sputters and here’s where shit gets VERY REAL. SERIOUSLY IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE MOVIE GO WATCH IT BEFORE CONTINUING.

Beau is sitting in darkness for a few seconds and suddenly this cavern is flooded with light and he sees no, it’s not actually a cavern at all. It’s a stadium filled with people. They are all watching him. Through his (and the audiences) confusion a voice booms from a microphone. When Beau finds the source he is shocked to see that it is coming from a man on a mini stage high in the stadium sitting next to his mother. From a giant 4 sided jumbotron video plays of moments from Beau’s life dating back to when he was NINE. YEARS. OLD. All of of which is taken out of context. Beau’s only “defense” is a shitty lawyer who has yell because he wasn’t given a microphone and even when he is heard and things his lawyer says are reasonable his mothers lawyer simply writes it off and moves onto the next thing he’s “done wrong”. (To me this represents all of the times Beau tried to reason with his mother and make her see his side before he just had to succumb to her will for survival, because you can’t reason with a narcissist.) When his defense is literally thrown from his stage and dies on a steep rock Beau is left to defend himself. Through his anxiety and fear he still tries to make them see his side, but Beau is found to be guilty. He never really loved his mother, he was a manipulative child who took from her and never gave anything back.

As this is all coming to a close the motor on the boat begins to flame and the boat begins to sink. Beau is begging, pleading, screaming, for his mother as she watches him in distress. As the entire arena of people watches him struggling and does nothing. We can see the exact moment Beau succumbs to his fate, he says nothing and for the first time in the whole film his shoulders droop. All of his anxiety is gone. He knows his mother won’t help him, that no one will. And the look that crosses his face is one I understood so deeply. One of anger that he dedicated his life to this woman, one of realization that he couldn’t trust anyone, one of sadness that he was truly alone. And I relate to that so deeply.

I remember people talking about the relationship between Joy and Evelyn in Everything Everywhere All at Once and while I definitely relate to their story somewhat there was something missing and I didn’t know what it was until I saw Beau is Afraid.

On the one hand there’s the constant twisting of Beau’s actions that is particularly triggering to me. Him living in one of his mothers apartment buildings and using a card with her money is turned on him when for one thing the apartment is shitty and he is constantly in fear for his life. Number 2 the card was given to him by her to use, because Beau is literally agoraphobic because of HER ACTIONS. He can’t hold down a job even if he wanted to. His whole life is his therapist and his home. I find it so strange that mothers like this will stifle any interest their child has that falls outside of what they want for them and literally block them from opportunities to advance, but then get upset when their kids aren’t able to function on their own as adults.

But that’s not the main thing that stuck out to me and made me realize I had been carrying this massive weight with me I couldn’t explain.

This ever present fear I felt living with my mother that just never left. This feeling that she was always watching me even when I wasn’t with her and that I couldn’t trust anyone because they would turn them against me eventually. That I couldn’t say bad things about her because the words would find their way back to her. When I was actively going to therapy I would triple check my phone to make sure I didn’t accidentally dial her and she could every word I was saying. That’s how terrifying it feels and I’ve never seen that captured on screen. Tears were streaming down my face as I watched Beau’s cries be ignored and as people just let him die. In the silence of the theater I simply stared at the place Beau had been and thought “you have to leave, you have to get out.”

!End of Spoilers!

It’s a great movie and I think you should definitely go see it if you have 3 hours to spare. I’ve personally seen it twice and I relate so much to Beau it’s kinda scary. Sorry for this long post I wonder what anyone who saw it thinks though, i’d like to hear new perspectives. Now time to watch Queen Charlotte for something lighter 😭

Hell yeah! Transness is no one way street and it ain't clear as a blue sky.

Your transness is whatever you want it to be with no care or concern towards others because they don't hold your soul. You do.

If an individual trans man did transition as a trauma response to misogyny, or a trans woman did identify as such because it's tied to her kinks, both of them would still be valid. Every reason for being trans is valid. When transphobes bring out those canards, we act like those are hideous things to be when we should be treating them like reductive stereotypes that are one of ten million different reasons someone might identify the way they do. Neither inherently undermines other trans people.

When you say "how dare you accuse me of being a disgusting faker like that" you're playing by transphobic society's rules. Do not believe that you can convince them your masculinity is truly destiny built into you from birth, or that your femininity is squeaky clean.

Just bought this book so saving this for later!

Dipper and Mabel's Guide To Mystery and Non-Stop Fun: Secret Codes

(Sorry this took so long, BTW.) Here are the codes I have found in Dipper and Mabel’s Guide To Mystery and Non-Stop Fun. The first group of codes will be Bill’s. Then I’ll move on to Dipper’s codes. All of the codes will be bold.(The page numbers will be in parenthesis.)

Here they are:

“Dipper wrote a theme song for himself and sings it in the shower.” (20-21)

“After nightmares, Mabel meows herself back to sleep.”(30-31)

“Soos keeps candy in his belly button for emergencies.”(52-53)

“Stan was a baby model.” (69)

“The mayor of Gravity Falls is not long for this world.” (76-77)

“Wendy wishes she lived in Portland.” (80-81)

“The end of the world is closer than the end of the Summer.”(88-89)

“Something strange is buried under Gravity Falls.” (92-93)

“Time Baby is worried about Bill.” (94-95) (I talked a bit more about this one here.)

“Bud Gleeful wants to run for mayor.”(96-97)

“McGucket has seen terrible things.”(106-107)

“Grenda will marry Rich.”(108-109)

“That burnt tree by Soos’s house is odd.” (116-117)

“Soos writes fan fics about Stan.”(118-119)

“The Gnomes have a clear view of Northwest Manor.”(124-125)

“Dipper and Mabel’s father worked in computers.” (132-133)

“Robbie secretly draws anime.” (142-143)

“The invisible wizard keeps untying Dipper’s shoes.” (144-145)

“The government can be forgetful.” (148)

“Growing up is optional.” (150)

Now for Dipper’s codes:

“Trust no one.” (123)

“Robbie is a jerk.” (123)

“This is way more fun than going outside.” Writing codes, he means. (124)

“To get back at Mabel,Candy, and Grenda for their tickle attack, I’m going to put peanut butter in their socks!“ (131)

The next one is on Dipper’s Certificate of Mystery (151):

It’s missing it in this photo, but there’s a code surrounding it:

As you can hardly see, there some black letters mixed in with the blue ones. Those make up this: “DISNEYXD.COM/ARENTYOUCLEVER” which shows this:

[That code says,”You’re not as dumb as you seem…I’ve got some secrets if you know where to look. The people of this town are an open book…”]

The blue-lettered code on the certificate says: “By signing this official document, you are hereby agreeing to dedicate your life, your afterlife, and any potential clone-lives to the discovery, uncovery (Is that a word?), and exploration of the paranormal, the alter-average, and the extra-usual. When friends ask you to stop being paranoid, you will scoff. When they say that you’ve been acting really weird since you read that book and they don’t even recognize you anymore, that means they’re jealous/you are like me now. We are part of a higher calling. We will meet one day and on that glorious day we will show the small-minded doubters we were right all along, and are also really cool, and they should have been nicer to us. Okay that’s about it. This sort of sounds like a supervillain manifesto in retrospect. But you get the gist.”

Bonus! Gideon code in his letter to Mabel (Page 87):

The letters on the side read, “Help me escape or be destroyed.”

That’s about it. Remember, REALITYISANILLUSIONTHEUNIVERSEISAHOLOGRAMBUYGOLDBYYYYYE!

This potato better bring me a golden potato.

Friendly reminder that the living things around you deserve respect just as much as you do.

The spider doesn't know that your house is your house or that any land is off limits at all.

The deer doesn't know that there are roads stripped out daring it to die. It only knows that it needs to cross the earth to get to another part of the earth.

The mouse doesn't know that a kitchen isn't where it's supposed to be. It doesn't know that it isn't supposed to eat the food on the ground it scurried across.

The fly doesn't know that touching your food is wrong. It knows feeding and staying fed. The same as we all do.

Lving things besides humans don't owe humans getting out of the way. Be mindful of the dead rabbit in the road. It ate crop and lived as you did. The only thing it lacked was a human body.

(We won't get into bacteria and organisms smaller than the eye can see for today but they're worth talking about).

---

crawling back to this tumblr account after the tiktok ban feels like driving back to my old home in the countryside,, gently wiping away the cobwebs and the dust that's settled in my absence,, nothing changed, nothing out of place,, a memory of a forgotten era; frozen in time,,

This was forever ago but I watched a version of Beauty and the Beast on Amazon and they really amped up the character playing the beasts' disfigurement and I was pretty disappointed when they didn't really portray it better and gave him barely a quarter of his face's worth of a scar.

They had him wear a mask and everything and I feel it might really be because of the budget that it wasn't done better and the fact that disabilities for disabled people might seem worse to them than others since they're entitled to the way they feel towards it but they even had the cast act as if he was some horrid beast when he had barely any difference from before he was injured (like Nicholas Cage in Birdie, he couldn't even look at his face and it was suspected that it might not have been a major injury but it was amped up for him personally to the point he couldn't even show it).

I'm not good at wording this stuff but I wish people gave characters more than a single scar to signify a serious injury or even a small one like a piercing not healing well and causing keloids. That's all, that's the post.

I think people who add scars to character designs just to 'make them more interesting' need to stop being absolute cowards when it comes to keloids or actually realistic burns

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All 179-244 (or so) codes that were found so far (no spoilers)

Note: As far as I'm aware if you input any word after selling your soul to Bill and press the knob you'll get the same result. I still think it's important to highlight the ones that didn't have any result once you imput them normally the day the website updated (AUDIOLOG, BUBBLES, CLEAR, CONTRACT, SMALL) these may have been just an error since it has been fixed since then

#

3466554

29121239168518

333 Sundapple Lane Cozy Creek IL 60714-94611

A

ABUELITA

ADASTRAPERASPERA

ALEX HIRSCH / ALEX / HIRSCH

AM I BLANCHIN

ANSWER

AXOLOTL

B

BAAAA

BABY / BABY BILL / LALALALALA / MOMMY / DADDY

BILL / BILL CIPHER / CIPHER / ILLB / LLIB REHPIC / REHPIC

BLACK SHEEP

BLANCHIN / BLANCHING / BLANCH

BLENDIN

BLIND EYE

BOOBERRY

BURN SIDE

BURNED INSIDE

BYE GOLD

C

CAESAR ATBASH VIGENERE / MULTILEVELMARK

CARD

CARYN

CIPHERTOLOGY

CLONE / TYRONE / PAPER JAM

CONSPIRACY

CRAY CRAY

CRYPTOGRAM CODEX

CURSE WITTEBANE

CURSED

D

DEATH

DEER TEETH

DESTRUCTION IS A FORM OF CREATION

DIONARAP

DIPPER

DIPPY FRESH

DISCO GIRL / BABBA

DISNEY / MICKEYMOUSE

DISPENSE MY TREAT

DIVORCE / BREAKUP

DORITO / NACHO / CHIP

DUCHESS APPROVES / THE DUCHESS APPROVES

DUCKTECTIVE

E

EASTER EGG

EMMALINE BUTTERNUBBINS

EUCLID / SCALENE / SCRIMBLES

EUCLYDIA

EVEN HIS LIES ARE LIES

F

FAMILY MATTERS

FBI / CIA / NSA

FILBRICK

FIXINIT1

FORD / SIXER / STANFORD

FORDTRAMARINE

FORGET THE PAST

FUCK / SHIT / BITCH / SLUT / SEX

FUCK YOU ALEX

G

GIDEON

GIFFANY

GLASS SHARD BEACH

GLOBNAR

GOD / HELP ME / SAVE ME / FRILLIAM

GOODNIGHT SALLY

GRAVITY FALLS

GREBLEY HEMBERDRECK

GUN / THE GUN

H

HAROLDS RAMBLINGS

HECTORING

HEY NERD

HISTORY

HOLOGRAM

HORROR / CREEPYPASTA / ANALOG HORROR

HOTXOLOTL

HOW WILL I DIE / WHEN WILL I DIE

I

IM STILL ON YOUR MIND

IRREGULAR

IS HELL REAL

IS THERE AN AFTERLIFE

J

JOURNAL 1

JOURNAL 2

JOURNAL 3

JUST BLEND IN

JUST FIT IN

K

KINGS OF NEW JERSEY

KOOK

KUBRICK

L

L IS REAL 2401

LIAR LYRE

LIES

LIFE

LOVE / BOYFRIEND / LONELY

LOVE YA BRO

M

MABEL

MASON

MATH / GREECE / SHAPES / GREEK / PLATO / GEOMETRY

MCGUCKET / FIDDLEFORD / OLD MAN MCGUCKET

MEOW / MEOW WOW

MONSTER

MORALITY

MOUNTAIN DONT

MYSTERY

MYSTERY SHACK

N

NAITSUAF

NO

NOT A PHASE

NOTHING

O

OCCURREMUS ITERUM

OH YES THEY BOTH

ONE EYED KING

OROBOROUS

OWL TROWEL

P

PACIFICA

PAPER IS BOOK SKIN

PEAK

PINATA

PINES

PLATINUM PAZ

PORTAL

Q

QUESTION

R

R34LITY

RAT

REALITY

RIDDLE

ROBBIE

RUBBERHOSE

S

SCARY / SPOOKEMUPS / SPOOKY

SCIENTOLOGY

SEASON 1 / SEASON -1

SEASON 2

SEASON 3

SEVEN EYES

SEVERAL TIMES

SHAVE YOUR GRANDMA

SKELETON

SKIBIDI / FORTNITE / ELON / CRYPTO / DOGE / GYATT / RIZZ

SOMETHING

SOOS

SORRY

STAN / STANLEY PINES / STAN PINES / STANLEY

STOD EHT TCENNOC

SUCK IT MERLIN

T

TAD STRANGE

TANTRUM

THE BOOK OF BILL / BOOK OF BILL

THE DUCHESS APPROVES

THEORY / MATPAT

THERAPRISM

THEYLL SEE / THEYLL ALL SEE / I SEE

TINSEL SNAKE

TITANS BLOOD

TJECKLEBURG

TOBY DETERMINED

TORTURE MENTALLY

TOURIST TRAP

TRIANGLE

TRIGONOMETRY

U

UNIONMADE

UNIVERSE

UNREALITY

V

VALLIS CINERIS

VIRUS

W

WADDLES

WEIRD

WEIRDMAGEDDON

WELL WELL WELLBEING

WENDY

WHICH RELIGION IS RIGHT

WHO ARE YOU

X

XGQRTHX

XYLER / CRAZ

Y

YES

YOU CANT KILL AN IDEA

YOURE INSANE

Will update if more are found