Clyde Likes Asking Creekenny Lots Of Inappropriate Questions About How Their Relationship Work Because

creekenny being an absolutely hilarious ot3 part four

so nobody in the town knows for sure if kenny actually dates one or both of them. like, everyone is pretty used to seeing creek obviously dating and not even trying to hide it, and their parents know craig and tweek are dating but literally NO ONE understands kenny’s role in this relationship. there’s always some rumors and gossips here and there from some girls who saw kenny kissing craig after the party, or tweek holding kenny’s hand lovingly.

and when someone is really desperate enough for knowing the truth to actually ask one of them who tf is dating who in this odd love triangle, they always get different answers because these three mfs find other people’s curiosity hysterical.

they’re like:

kenny: (Ah, yes, that’s a threesome. Like a regular sausage party but times three, you know.)

craig: Uh, Kenny? Yeah, he’s, like, our pet, ‘cause me and Tweek aren’t allowed to have another guinea pig.

tweek: Kenny? Well, he’s kinda stuck with us for some reason. Man, I don’t know, maybe he wants to steal our stuff when we let our guard down…

kenny: (I’m just working undercover to check if they’re actually gay or just pretending to get more money and attention from girls.)

tweek: Wait, what do you mean “dating”? Gah!!! Are you implying he’s sleeping with my boyfriend? I thought he was hanging out with us because Craig owes him money! That son of a bitch!…

craig and kenny, trying so hard not to laugh: 😱 Oops, busted…

both kyle and cartman joined the debate club in high school. kyle thought it would help him with his public speaking skills and improve his critical thinking, meanwhile cartman was just looking for an opportunity to release the anger and stress he had and fucking destroy someone in a verbal fight.

and – uh-oh, such a coincidence – they both joined it at the same time without knowing it.

kyle was obviously pissed off, and he was actually thinking of quitting, because the idea of spending school hours arguing with cartman didn’t really seem appealing to him, but eventually his pride wouldn’t let him simply give up.

“I can be in any club I want, and I won’t let Cartman fucking ruin it for me! You’ll see, dude, he’ll drop out in one or two meetings when I absolutely win him in a debate!” as he then explained to stan.

kyle was preparing for the first debate harder than for any of his normal school activities. he would spend nights perfecting his reasoning and making a plan for his speech, until he was absolutely sure cartman had zero chances to win.

the theme was something controversial like, i’m not sure, politics or something, and kyle was totally sure that cartman would come unprepared, because he hates anything homework-like, and he ususally prefers improvising.

he was wrong, though, as cartman has been preparing. he entered the classroom with a small stack of papers with his reasoning on them, he was smiling brightly and joking, and kyle for the first time felt insecure about his skills. he felt rather nervous as he knew that cartman’s charisma and the ability to tell lies in the blink of his eye made kyle look worse in a debate, but he still hoped the teacher had some common sense and wouldn’t let cartman blind them with his confident smiles and fake politeness.

but the nervous anxious feeling in kyle’s chest wouldn’t go away, so when cartman started speaking, kyle couldn’t just stay quiet, sighing irritatedly when cartman said things like “violence is bad”. as kyle knew damn well that’s not what cartman actually thought.

so when the debate was coming to its end and cartman was giving another hypocritical speech, kyle just couldn’t be silent anymore, interrupting cartman with his new counter arguments (and adding some insults as well). cartman, of course, lost his temper too, and the constructive discussion instantly became a heated bickering. teachers tried to stop it but when kyle and cartman are fighting literally nothing can distract them.

cartman: Look, capitalism is just the natural way of things. It's the perfect system, without it everything would fall apart!

kyle: How can you be sooo blind and ignorant to everything?! Capitalism breeds inequality, it's the reason behind a lot of problems in our society, you just don't know it because you haven't experienced all the struggles, you fat privileged fuck!

cartman: Oh, I’m privileged?? Well, you’re just a whiny jew who can't handle the truth. You're just jealous your greedy ass can't make money yourself!

kyle: Shut up, Cartman, I’m warning you!

after a few antisemitic-fatphobic-homophobic slurs they were both kicked out and banned from entering the club again.

they both seemed disappointed and annoyed by it, but cartman had a smug smirk on his face, feeling proud of making kyle mad.

they wouldn’t stop their fight though, arguing all the way back home, without being pressured or watched, and kyle caught himself thinking that arguing with cartman is pretty, well, addicting and he might actually be enjoying it.

at the end they decided it’s a tie, and for the goodbye cartman says something like “Well, you’re annoying as fuck, but I gotta hand it to you, you’re good at debating. Who even needs that stupid club, anyway?”

and kyle smiles, nodding. “Next week, the same time” he says already walking away from Cartman.

and they meet again, choosing a topic and preparing for the debate by themselves because they don’t need a club to argue with each other.

kyman would have made a prenup before anyone would even thought about the wedding

in s17e1 “let go, let gov” it was confirmed that cartman usually talks on his speakerphone and now i truly believe that’s how he and kyle revealed their relationship to other guys. because one day cartman (as usual) put the conversation on speakerphone when kyle called him without giving it a second thought and kyle casually said “Hello, honey” while stan and kenny were standing next to cartman. and then there was this moment of silence.

@bloogers-boogers @hatsunevitu (this is a joke about Cartman’s dad for anyone that didn't get it)

matching canes??? 😨

more lesbian heidi x gay kyle brosistp because i love them with all my heart!!!!

the first part of how their friendship started is here :3

they both can’t really accept their sexualities and strongly believe they’re straight even when it’s so clear they’re not.

like literally there are times when heidi shows kyle a photo of a pretty girl on her instagram and sighs asking kyle: “Isn’t she the most beautiful person in the world? She’s so captivating!”

and kyle just stares at her indifferently and responds in a monotonous voice barely even looking at the picture: “Yeah, she has nice features, I guess?”

and then there’s this time when heidi mentions cartman’s appearance with a bit of disgust but in a way “all boys are ugly, but cartman is, uh…” and kyle starts defending him unexpextedly even for himself like:

kyle: I mean, yeah, he’s fat and has a shitty personality, but, um, I don’t know, he’s not that bad looking.

heidi: What do you mean “not that bad”?

kyle: Well, you know, he has these different eyes which is pretty cool and also, uh, his appearance is really… noticeable and… somehow different, I guess? And now that he started to take care of his looks, so… I think we shouldn’t judge others by how they look, but if we do I can’t deny that he can be, like, remotely attractive… He’s still an asshole though, but-

heidi, with a suspicious look on her face: Kyle?

kyle: Can we change the subject please I’m begging you.

heidi: Sure.

i have a REALLY big soft spot for the trope when character A sees good sides in character B even when nobody else does

and it’s so kyman like. really.

and i’m really sorry for this post ‘cause it’s very messy and i’m not good with words but i have so many thoughts about this–

when kyle starts to see some good sides of eric cartman it confuses him so much because he physically can’t believe cartman can have something nice deep inside. like, kyle sees how cartman suddenly cares a lot about cats and can defend them even when he won’t get any profit from that. or how sometimes cartman actually does good things and nobody seems to notice that? like in s10e2 “smug alert” when cartman risks himself to save kyle. i strongly hc that kyle learns about it from butters about a month after this all happened and he’s so shocked by that ‘cause he can’t even explain to himself why cartman would do that. and he’s starting to see more and more remotely positive things about cartman (especially since cartman’s taking his medication) and it surprises him how nobody ever praises him for that. or for anything, actually. it’s like they refuse to admit that cartman can be, well, not a devil himself.

and kyle’s starting to overthink it, so he goes to stan and starts asking him about cartman, about his personality and his good traits, and how nobody notices them, but stan doesn’t even listen. he just laughs and says that anything “good” cartman does he does for his own benefit and that he always has ulterior motives. and kyle feels this unfairness because yes, he agrees, cartman’s an asshole and it’s natural that all his friends hate him but HEY everyone deserves to be judged fairly. and as far as he can see – people don’t even try to give him a second chance. and, moreover, what’s worse – cartman doesn’t give himself second chance either.

i mean, actually, if you think about it a bit, you can notice how cartman never denies that he’s a shitty person. he knows he’s terrible, he knows he’s hated by most of the people he has met, and he knows that nobody expects anything good from him. so he doesn’t expect anything good from himself either. he just goes along with everyone’s judgement like “yep. i do not deserve good treatment because i do terrible things and hurt people all the time”. he can be dramatic and self-defensive sometimes, but actually you can see how he actually doesn’t believe in the second chance for himself.

and it confuses kyle. so much. and he really decides that it’s his new mission to prove cartman he can change and he can deserve second chance and good attitude from others. because what? because kyle just loves two things: saving and helping those in need (especially when it’s cartman) and proving other people wrong.

so, yep, it’s basically an au where as time passes children in south park start avoiding cartman because they’ve had enough of him and they’re really sick of his terrible personality. they don’t purposefully ignore him, just pay much less attention, and cartman (who has started to take medication that helps him with his mental state) tries to fight it at first and somehow accidentally hurts (not physically) stan and some other kids reaaaally bad while this, so eventually he just accepts that he’s not gonna be a part of friends group anymore. and he admits that, well, he saw it coming. his meds make him much calmer and melancholic, so he doesn’t even make a scene. he just sits at his house more and more often, skipping school to avoid his classmates. and while stan and kenny get over losing their close friend, kyle can’t. he grew closer to cartman because he really wants to save him. and – to his own surprise – he doesn’t feel like cartman deserves this loneliness.

and, well, sometimes stan and kyle have this kind of dialogue, when kyle (unsuccessfully) tries to change stan’s opinion on cartman.

stan: Dude, Cartman can’t go, he’ll ruin the whole party! Nobody will come if he’s there!

kyle: Well, it’s just… I know he’s an asshole and we hate him but don’t you think it’s a little too… harsh?

stan: “Harsh”? Kyle, we’re talking about Eric Cartman.

kyle: I know! It’s just… everyone will come, we can’t just ignore him, can we?

stan: We totally can. Remember how many times he spoiled parties just because he got bored?

kyle: Uh… You’re right… Sorry, I was just a bit… confused, I guess.

stan: That’s fine, dude. I’m always here to remind you of how much of a prick he is.

kyle: Huh, thanks…

and he realises that he doesn’t hate cartman as much as he did. because, really, kyle’s first reaction to seeing a person getting so much hatred and contempt is being defensive and trying to protect that person. and he feels, like, really bad for cartman, so he goes to his place to hang out together. and it’s like, well:

kyle: Don’t you feel bad when everyone there are having fun without you?

cartman: Yeah, it kinda sucks but it’s not like I can do something about it.

kyle: So what? You’re just gonna stay at home for months talking to nobody but me and Butters?

cartman: That was my plan, right. It’s not that bad anyway.

kyle: Two days ago you said you can’t spend too much time with me or you “get infected with jewishness”.

cartman: I became immune to it.

kyle: *laughs* Well, it’s not like I mind it too much as well.

cartman: You know, that’s the part that bothers me.

kyle: Huh?

cartman: Why are you here, spending you weekend with me instead of helping Stan with his party?

kyle, shrugging: Not really into parties. Besides, I didn’t expect it but you’re not the worst company, you know.

cartman: Oh, come on.

kyle: What?

cartman: Stop making fake compliments to make me feel better, jew.

kyle: What do you mean “fake”?

cartman: I know you’re only doing this because you don’t want me to be alone.

kyle: What?

cartman: Well, you know, your terrible saviour complex? When you see a pathetic lonely person and you just have to come and save him so you can feel better about yourself and feed your ego?

kyle: What the fuck are you even talking about?? Do you really think I’m here only because I pity you?

cartman: Why else would you be here?

kyle: Oh my god, can’t believe I actually thought we were getting along while you just assumed I was having ulterior motives!

cartman: So you claim you wasn’t and it was all sincere?

kyle, offended: Yes!!

cartman: …Nah. Unconvincing, Kahl, work on your acting skills, would ya?

kyle: You know what? Fuck you. I just… I can’t even…

cartman: Oh, finally, good ol’ Kahl is back here.

kyle, slamming the door on his way out: UGH.

and so kyle leaves and ofc he’s irritated and annoyed and angry, but the thing that bothers him so much is that cartman didn’t seem to actually believe someone would really hang out with him now without having ulterior motives. and it warms kyle’s heart and it starts over again and again – kyle getting closer to cartman and realising how lonely he really is all the time.

and, well. he ends up catching himself defending cartman in front of their classmates and choosing him over them. and then, you know, a typical slowburn fanfic for 100k words :D

so, yeah, i don’t know if someone will actually read it until the end, but, uh, i love this scenario when eric actually becomes a better person just for kyle – because kyle is (surprisingly) the only one to even believe that cartman can be better. and eric appreciates that.

i love creekenny

imagine craig and kenny coming to tweak bros and ordering, like, a single cup of black coffee. they dont even drink it, they just sit there for two hours flirting with tweek when he passes by to give other customers their orders. tweek gets absolutely furious because of this.

kenny: Hey, sunshine, you’re as sweet as this coffee 😉

tweek: I didn’t put sugar into your cup.

kenny: Oh. Then, uh, my coffee is hot, but you’re hotter 😉

tweek: You ordered this two hours ago, it’s not hot anymore, and I fucking know you guys hate coffee!!

craig, in a monotonous manner: Just like my coffee, you keep me up at night?

tweek: gAH–

kenny: Heey, not bad, Tucker!!! You’re improving at this!

tweek: If you’re not gonna order anything else I’ll have to ask you to leave! You’re scaring the customers!

kenny: Sure. Bring us another cup of this black shit, coffee boy. Although I really better cut back on caffeine because my heart beats fast enough around you.

tweek: Out.

cartman took kyle’s phone and changed his own profile there THE MOMENT they started dating (kyle did not rlly like this because when cartman called him once he had no idea what excuse to use when he tried to explain to stan why cartman is called “bbygirl🥰😍” in his phone)

ok here’s an original with heiman but naaaah