Honoring Yourself...
Honoring yourself...
and being truthful to yourself. I haven't really delved into this whole mindset that you can forgive yourself when everybody else has or hasn't. I have so much pent up guilt within myself that it's sometimes suffocating, that sometimes on those rare moments that I have time to think, it makes me dizzy when I think about that one event in my life, or that one memory of a memory that isn't really complete, but you know it's there, but forever fragmented every time you try to recall.
I'm 32 now, and I'm allowing myself, little by little to let things go that happened to me in that past, so that I can gain new experiences, and not let the past weigh me down. But like they say, it's easier said than done. I want to heal, I want to not have guilt and pain so easily manifest itself if I'm alone.
Also, people get this mixed up sometimes. Being alone doesn't necessarily mean you're lonely. People say that so freely, that I sometimes wonder if the lonely they're talking about is them just being bored.
I was asked, "If I don't have this (insert emotion), then what am I?" I asked myself this the other day. If I didn't have that abortion, and the pain, depression, and guilt that came with it, then what am I? It's been 5 years, and I hardly know myself before all that happened, that I have to ask myself, could I ever go back to the girl I was? Probably not. I've built walls, and I've found comfort in things that brings me joy, that probably wouldn't even cross my mind 5-6 years ago.
I was also told once that you change every 5 years or so, and I didn't used to believe that, but now I do. I definitely am not who I was 5 years ago, nor do I want to be. I'm honoring myself by being truthful to this decision. I'm happy, and that's all that I can ask for. It's more than anyone can ask for.
Be well, my friends.
More Posts from Hog-mage and Others
Red
The Nekromancer’s Daughter
Marilyn Monroe, 1960 - captured by Eve Arnold.
Mu-hmmmm
Mini compilation of Jodie Comer not getting over Eve stabbing Villanelle
Sometimes I'm like a spinning top. I fall away; spinning out of control where I eventually pick myself up, only to fall again. But I've learned a valuable lesson being the spinning top. Eventually I'll settle and focus on my surroundings and know that it'll be okay.
Ima gardenist
8 vegetables that you can regrow again and again.
Scallions
You can regrow scallions by leaving an inch attached to the roots and place them in a small glass with a little water in a well-lit room.
Garlic
When garlic begins to sprout, you can put them in a glass with a little water and grow garlic sprouts. The sprouts have a mild flavor than garlic and can be added to salads, pasta and other dishes.
Bok Choy
Bok choy can be regrown by placing the root end in water in a well-lit area. In 1-2 weeks , you can transplant it to a pot with soil and grow a full new head.
Carrots
Put carrot tops in a dish with a little water. Set the dish in a well-lit room or a window sill. You’ll have carrot tops to use in salads.
Basil
Put clippings from basil with 3 to 4-inch stems in a glass of water and place it in direct sunlight. When the roots are about 2 inches long, plant them in pots to and in time it will grow a full basil plant.
Celery
Cut off the base of the celery and place it in a saucer or shallow bowl of warm water in the sun. Leaves will begin to thicken and grow in the middle of the base, then transfer the celery to soil.
Romaine Lettuce
Put romaine lettuce stumps in a ½ inch of water. Re-water to keep water level at ½ inch. After a few days, roots and new leaves will appear and you can transplant it into soil.
Cilantro
The stems of cilantro will grown when placed in a glass of water. Once the roots are long enough, plant them in a pot in a well-lit room. You will have a full plant in a few months.
I have a journal where I wrote random stuff that moves me. It just is what it is.
have a blank notebook but don’t know what to use it for? here’s some ideas!
bullet journal - obviously!! but if you already have one here are some more ideas…
dream diary - i love looking back on my dreams, but do it in the morning before you forget them!
food journal - write down everything you eat for the day, maybe include water too!
memory book - write down your favorite memories to always look back on!
quotes journal - one place for all of your favorite quotes!
reviews journal - try a new restaurant? movie? book? food? write your review, how was it? did you enjoy it? would you do it again?
gratitude journal - write down everything your thankful for.
daily journal - journal (almost) everyday. include anything you want, what you did for the day, what you ate, who you were with.
brain storming book - write down all of your awesome ideas in one place!
books of lists - if you love writing lists maybe you need a specific book to just write down all of your favorites!
recipe book - keep all of your favorite recipes here, or even recipes you want to try.
wishlist book - keep a book of everything you want.
letters book - this could be rough drafts for letters, or letters you wish you could send to someone but know you’ll never have the courage to.
things to look up - have a space for everything you don’t want to forget to look up later or research more.
news headlines book - write down the headlines from the day/week or important events that happened, how you felt about it. this will be interesting to look back on!
doodle book - are you a doodler when you’re talking on the phone or just watching TV? keep all of your doodles together!
let me know if you guys try any of these out! i’d love to know what you think xx
It's 3am...
And I'm missing my husband. He's on a business trip, and I'm in need. I'm wanton, craving his smell, touch, his sweat, his fingers, his cock, his rough and stubbled chin teasing me.....down there.
More please. I need more story.
The Mermaid of Lily Lake by Andy Ivanov
