Missing My Safe Space

Happiness over relationships,

forever from now on

~ honestlywhatfor

„Silence says a lot more than you think“

Karma will handle it for me

You keep switching between me and her.

You selfish prick.

Try thinking about others for once.

We’re humans as well and your behavior towards us is nothing but inhumane.

Go fuck yourself.

„If you’re not going to get any wiser, what’s the point of getting older?”

I wish I could fall in love with you

I’m a person that falls in love easily.

I’ve fallen for the boy on the bus that always saved me a seat in the morning. I’ve fallen for the guy that drove me around town on the back of his motor cycle. I’ve fallen for a boy who just kept texting me whenever he felt like it. It took me about 2 seconds to fall in love with my ex. The list seems endless.

I never really liked that about myself, I felt naive and vulnerable and everyone else seemed to notice it as well.

But now there’s this guy. He would save me a seat on every bus we’d ever get on, he drives me around whenever I ask him to and he keeps texting me, telling me that he just thought of me and wished I’d be with him right now. And god is he wholesome.

And god do I hate myself for not falling in love with him.

Addicted

I don’t know how we reached the point that your apartment feels like home

Your bed sheets smell like me

There are shirts specifically chosen for me to put on at night when I’m coming over

Your fridge stores my favorite foods

Your shower gel is the one I once left there

I’m laying in your bed right now,

You’re at work already, your alarm always wakes me up first, but I rarely stay awake until you’re out the door

I feel at home here

You’re my home

But we don’t even consider each other dating

We’re just us

Complicated

But nevertheless addicted

She fucked up

There’s this girl. She just thought of your smile and the way your hand runs through your hair that has gotten way too long again.

And she cuddles up in bed and wishes you would be next to her, snoring, but unintentionally pullin her closer to your chest.

There’s this girl. She remembers every minute you two have spent together and she gets sad whenever you are gone for too long.

And she sits next to her friends who are making fun of her for falling for a guy that isn’t even her type.

There’s this girl. She thinks a lot about her Ex lately, but only because she’s afraid that you might turn out to be the same as him.

And she tells herself that she isn’t in love.

And she keeps repeating that she does not want to be in a relationship with you.

And she is writing about you, hoping it’ll clear her mind.

And she hates remembering every time your friends talk about the girls you’ve had, even since you two have been spending so much time together.

And she keeps telling herself that you two are not in a relationship.

And she acts like she doesn’t care.

And she is trying to look at other guys as well, but somehow it does not work for her the way it seems to do for you.

And she keeps a smile on her face.

And she keeps laughing.

And she keeps coming back to you.

Tere’s this girl. She’s sad, she’s hurting, she’s breaking. But out of habit, she keeps the canvas up.

Don’t keep hurting her. Don’t give her forehead kisses when you’re doing the same to any other girl you’ll meet on the weekends.

Don’t tell her how much she means to you when you’ll go out partying knowing she’ll be home alone waiting for your call that you’ve made it home safe.

Don’t keep hurting her. She does not deserve that. She deserves better. And if you know that there are guys out there that could make her happier than you because they’d make an effort and try, let her go.

Don’t keep that girl for yourself if you’re not planning to think about her smile whenever you need comfort.

There’s this girl. She’s typing this. She’s crying.

She fucked up.

I’ll never stop

Cried on my way to work today

Screaming empowering songs in the car but not feeling them

Yesterday was one of the harder days

I lost you...again

And no matter how many times we’ve already been through this, the pain never lessened

24 hours, from “Hey we should be spending more time together” to “We should end things here, I can’t do this no more”

World? Crushed

Heart? Broken

Again and again and again

Loving you ruins me

But

I

Just

Can’t

Stop

~ excerpts of me moving on ~

I kinda hate you

I hate that it’s always me who starts the conversation, it’s always my part to show interest and then you just follow up later. I hate that I have to text you first every time and only then you’ll remember that you wanted to talk to me. I hate that it seems like everyone knows you better than me. I hate that you don’t remember what we talked about even though we both had the best of our times. I hate that your friends don’t get along with mine. I hate that my parents always ask about you and then I realize there is nothing I can tell them about that really matters. I hate that I can’t stop looking at you. I hate that you cant even smile at me when your friends are around. I hate that we only connect when we’re drunk. I hate that I can almost remember every single word you said to me since we met. I hate that I can’t stop thinking about you. I hate that I dream of you every single night. I hate that you’re the first thing I think of when I open my eyes in the morning. I hate that my heart starts beating faster whenever I think of you. I hate that I can’t stop smiling for a week when you are nice to me for once. I hate that you are nice to me sometimes. I hate that you can’t make up your mind. I hate that I don’t get it. I hate that I recognize your voice through hundreds of people speaking. I hate that my favorite color reminds me of you. I hate that your smell will forever be stuck in my mind. I hate that you drive extra safely whenever I’m on the back of your motor circle. I hate that you hurt me over and over again by flirting with other people. I hate that I can’t live a day without the thought of you. I hate that I get rosy cheeks whenever someone mentions your name. I hate that I can’t control my fingers shaking when I type a message into our chat. I hate the way I feel about you. I hate that I’m in love with you. And I hate that there is no sign that you love me too.

I radiate light

I am sunshine

So please stop trying to tell me

That I need you

When I surely know

You always dimmed my light

So others wouldn’t see my glory

~ excerpts of me moving on ~