In A Medieval Groupchat Nobody Would Make Fun Of Your Typo They Would Just Assume That Its A New Spelling

tv shows used to have episodes....

Tumblr proceeded to collectively inform me that tomato juice is a thing absolutely everywhere. My question now is how the fuck did I manage to live in the UK for three years and not see tomato juice in a single Tesco/Sainsbury's. Ukrainian exceptionalism goggles or whatever

I mentioned tomato juice in my last post, so here's a tomato juice story for your amusement.

Scene: London, UK.

Time: late 2024.

Dramatis personae:

Me, a Ukrainian, craving tomato juice like it's the only thing that can save my life.

My beloved flatmate, also a Ukrainian, going through a chronic illness flare that causes horrible brain fog.

Flatmate: I'm going to the Polish shop. Do you want anything?

Me: I do have a request, but I feel like you'll refuse to have THAT in our fridge.

Flatmate: ???

Me: Tomato juice. I'm craving tomato juice. I want tomato juice SO BAD.

Flatmate: ...only because I love you.

An hour later, my beloved flatmate enters the kitchen with a bag full of Polish groceries. I salivate at the thought of my tomato juice and run up to them.

Flatmate: Okay so I was picking between spicy and not spicy, and decided that you would want it not spicy. Here.

They proceed to hand me the following:

Me: I mean, I'll give you that, it's not spicy.

Flatmate considers terminating the lease on the spot.

Exeunt.

Sources: Gut, My. Something is Terribly Wrong, vol 136, 2025.

Yes yes I know this too shall pass but christ alive man it's passing like a gotdamn kidney stone

my body is a machine that turns moving into clickity-clackity

Why are Russia and China so big? Don't worry about it, that just happened during the big bang. They just spawned like that dude. Colonization only happens with America or something. Don't worry about it.

UPD from the field:

The ad says: "Will you dare to try it?"

Yes. Yes I will. At least two of these.

(It should be noted that tomato juice, spiced or otherwise, is a completely normal occurrence in Ukraine, even though opinions vary on whether people who enjoy it stray farther and farther from God with every sip) (I am those people. I enjoy tomato juice)

Okay so yesterday I saw someone mention that during the two months that I was away they started selling lime and chili flavoured yoghurt back in Ukraine. I repeat, LIME AND CHILI.

Obviously I had to task my boyfriend with acquiring it so that I can try it the moment I step off the train at the end of the month. Also, obviously, I googled it. Here's what I saw:

Okay, sure. Some choices have been made with the colours (I find the purple atrocious but I'm not good with colours so who knows). But wait, the "flamin' hot" banner reminds me of something. Haven't I seen it before?

Yep. I looked it up - Чудо and Doritos are both owned by PepsiCo, and PepsiCo straight up recycled the Flamin' Hot banner.

I really, really don't know what to make of this.

Also as I type this I realised that they also recycled the fucking horrible purple colour. This is torture.

At the end of the month I'm trying the Doritos-flavoured yoghurt, apparently. Watch this space for a review.

dear mx university,

ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to become so good at my second language that I eventually become shit at my native one and then the second one also. in light of this I consider myself to be a perfect candidate for your translation studies degree. please

end personal statement

"Vladimir, STOP!" is unfortunately killing me

As an Enlightened Centrist, I don’t believe William Shakespeare wrote Shakespeare, nor was it Bacon or Hamm or whoever else.

The true author of Shakespeare was another guy who coincidentally was also born in Stratford-upon-Avon and who was, by a curious twist of fate, also named William Shakespeare.