Because This Explains So Much.

“haha i don’t care" 

*goes home and cries*

“i feel empty drained for any real emotion having this hopelessness inside that’s controlling my life and tears running wild happiness is like a dream waking up to see it’s never real”

— t.m.

“No matter how hard I try I will always be left out, will never be as important as them, will always be forgotten and the only reason someone calls is because they might need something from me. I feel unwanted and worthless. They make me feel unwanted and worthless. But they’re all I have…”

— (via suicidalnixi)

“I don’t know why I have to stay alive if i’m going to live forever sad…”

—

one day I will meet a person who won’t find my mind a little too heavy. who won’t tell me to stop thinking and overthinking. someone who understands that loving people so much is who I am. someone that won’t call me a handful. someone who is ready to love with all they have too. someone who wants to take on this world with me by their side. that will be a happy day.

“one of the biggest lies i’ve ever told myself is ‘i don’t care’. i’ve always thought if i start caring about other people, i’ll become weaker, more vulnerable. so, instead, i convince my naïve self that i don’t care. i self sabotage myself into believing people can leave me and i won’t give two flying fucks. but i do care. i deeply care.”

—

Because this explains so much.

The first lie

She would brush out my hair

and tug hard at the knots

When I cried

she would look me straight in the eyes

exasperated

she’d say

It doesn’t hurt.

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signs that your family is abusive:

•you feel the urge to hide from them whenever you’re vulnerable

•you cannot bear the idea of them seeing you cry

when you’re hurt or in pain, you don’t go to them because you feel they’ll tell you that you deserved it or that it was your fault

•you don’t feel like you can confide in them, either because they don’t seem to care, or try to control how you act, or yell at you and punish you, or use the information against you

•you feel very self-conscious around them and keep expecting criticism and insults

•you can’t tell them about your struggles because you already know they’ll side against you

you keep things in your life secret from them because you have a feeling they would ridicule, humiliate, and judge you if they knew, or take everything away from you

•you feel scared of letting them know when they hurt you

•you feel scared and guilty when you so much as think about them in a bad way

•you feel the urge to remind yourself of all the things they did for you, whenever something bad comes up, to be sure that you’re seeing them the way they want to be seen by you

•you’re scared of being accused of being a burden to them

•you’re scared to hold them responsible for things they did to you, because you know they would argue otherwise, and insist they had full right to do what they did, or that you made it up

•you have the inner sense of dread that nothing you ever do or say will be taken seriously by them, and your life will always look like a joke to them

•you dream of living far away from them and feel guilty for wanting to cut them from your life

•you don’t feel like you’re really important in comparison to them, it feels like it’s better to just step aside and let them be important, your life doesn’t matter as much anyway

•you’re worried about how your every action might affect their life, their reputation and social standing

•you feel that they’re ashamed of you and you’re trying your best not to bring further shame on the family

•you feel like you’ll owe them for the rest of your life and nothing you ever do will be enough to erase the debt, and this fills you with dread and feeling of being trapped.