Because This Explains So Much.

DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME

“Sometimes I contemplate, am I in love with the darkness or perhaps, the darkness is in love with me cause I never asked for all this still this burden came to me…”

— Demon

“i am depressed i am sad saying i have depression out loud for the world to hear is like baring my soul something i simply cannot do i don’t want people to see the thoughts in my head i wish i could hear silence for just one day”

— t.m.

Lost

I feel so fucking lost, out of place, as if i do not belong.. i want to run away.

“Solitude isn’t always pretty. Sometimes it’s just lying in bed and staring at the ceiling listening to the same song over and over again as it slowly loses its meaning. Sometimes it’s how people go mad because they couldn’t tame the darkness that was growing within them over time. Some days it’s a girl waking up without her soul. Some nights it’s a boy falling asleep with his spirit crushed. Sometimes it’s someone wanting to lose themselves to a person, but instead, they push that person away. Solitude only becomes a prison when you do not love yourself. And even if you do love yourself it’s still a very dangerous thing, and the very benefits of it are the stars shining in its purest darkness. Solitude isn’t always pretty but also are the truths that we find within ourselves when we learn to find solace in it.”

— Juansen Dizon, The Art of Solitude (via juansendizon)

Since you talked about poems about mental health, do you have any recs?

tw/cw for nearly all of these.

So many poems in Said the Manic to the Muse by Jeanann Verlee (Good Girl & The Session were some of my favorites)So many poems in Extracting the Stone of Madness: Poems 1962-1972 by Alejandra Pizarnik Lady Lazarus by Sylvia PlathLast Words by Sylvia PlathMad Girl’s Love Song by Sylvia PlathTulips by Sylvia PlathElm by Sylvia PlathThe Other by Sylvia PlathOracle by Cate MarvinResumé by Dorothy ParkerCommunion by Jeanann VerleeThe Mania Speaks by Jeanann Verleemy lover’s in love w/ sylvia plath by @openlylesbian​survival kit by @viperslang​[untitled] by @viperslang​excerpt from #Godbot by @viperslang​VIRGINIA WOOLF WALKS INTO MY APARTMENT by @linettereeman​How to Get the Gun Safely Out of Your Mouth by Jamaal May14 Lines from Love Letters or Suicide Notes by @doclubenpoetry​Poetry Suite in Nailed by Stevie EdwardsPoetry Suite in Nailed by Jeanann Verlee (esp. Polyamory, With Knives)Reshaping the Bell Jar feature in Winter Tangerine (esp. oath (blud litany) and The River’s Lure)Poems in Hatred of Women by Cassandra Troyan (esp. untitled)Poems in Throne of Blood by Cassandra Troyan (major violence/graphic abuse/trauma tw)On the Border by @afterthelonely​ (especially two.)Wanting to Die by Anne Sexton

An apology letter to myself…

I’m sorry…I’m sorry for the days that I laid in bed, without knowing or even trying to figure out your purpose for existing or without having a will to continue living.

I’m sorry that I doubted you, and your ability to walk this life with a genuine smile.

I’m sorry for living in that hopeless mindset for years and years, without getting up to try and fix it.

I held onto the thought of a potential life long failure, to keep myself safe from my own disappointment, when I’ve only really held you back from what you could have achieved. I’ve only pulled you away from the opportunities that could have landed you on a path of financial and mental wellbeing.

I should have treated this body like a temple, but instead I treated it as a landfill for hard drugs, bottles of liquor and slit wrists.

I chose to cope with the pain that trauma buried in the deepest part of my mind, in a way that only brought 10x more crisis and hurt into my life.

I’m sorry for the actions and the decisions I made through out my dismal years.

I’m sorry for all the times I’ve tried to kill you, without thinking about the second way out. But somehow we found it, floating in the missing thoughts that hopelessness hid from us.

So I’m sorry, but I also want to say thank you, because without the trauma, the horrible experiences, the childhood of pain, and all of the struggles, I wouldn’t have ever been able to find the strength I have now. I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the small things that a lot of people take for granted.

Thank you for helping me become the light when I stopped searching for it.

me: has a breakdown because mental illness has ruined so much for me

also me: but am i really mentally ill tho?? how can i be sure? how do i know i’m not faking and making things up for attention?? i’m probably exaggerating because i want to be sick