Me: Has A Breakdown Because Mental Illness Has Ruined So Much For Me

I think i might be borderline. Im so sensitive but sometimes i feel so cold. I feel like i know what i want and deserve but then i feel like i dont deserve it and im such a horrible being. Sometimes its like nothing is never enough and i domt understand why. I feel empathetic but then i feel narcissistic, then i feel like i can percieve very well but then i am being one sided without even realizing. I make things bigger when they shouldn’t because im so insecure and stupid. I self loathe to the core no matter how many people boost me up and even if i try i then revert to not deserving and feeling bad and becominh self destructive and impulsive, indecisive i dont understand. I just want to be perfect for people and im so different around certain friends or people that if i were in a room with everyone of them who all dont know eachother i would freak out and feel like i don’t know who i am. I struggle hard with my identity. I feel like i know who i am but then im scared to be me, i am afraid of change but then sometimes i do and dont notice or get stuck or steal from others little habits like they are a part of me and feel lost when they are gone or i just can never let go. Im selfish yet considerate, it makes no sense, i am distraught. Dont know if i am diagnosed properly. Dont even know my ownself sometimes.

“No matter how hard I try I will always be left out, will never be as important as them, will always be forgotten and the only reason someone calls is because they might need something from me. I feel unwanted and worthless. They make me feel unwanted and worthless. But they’re all I have…”

— (via suicidalnixi)

Because this explains so much.

what do u mean it isnt normal to keep razors & bottles of pills around just in case things get too hard again

“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”

—

F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby.

(via theunrequitedlover)

“If I die before my time keep in mind I wasn’t fine”

— (via killed-long-ago)

I literally feel sick from crying so much.

i wish i could be the person i want to be but im too tired