Why Is It So Easy For Literally Everyone I Know To Ignore Me? Why Do I Mean So Little To Everyone, That

Loss

I lost someone who was very dear to me. And I should feel sad and grief, but I just don’t.

Is there something wrong with me?

Maybe it’s because I feel this constant sadness all the time, day after day, so it wouldn’t make any difference.

I can’t even cry over it. If I wouldn’t know it any better, I’d say I don’t care. But I really do. It’s just not affecting me emotionally for some reason.

I am bummed out. But I don’t feel this big emotion called Loss.

Or maybe I am just not realizing it right now.

I hate when people tell me I’m “quiet” lmao I just don’t fuck with you

“My only relief is to sleep. When I’m sleeping, I’m not sad, I’m not angry, I’m not lonely, I’m nothing.”

— Jillian Medoff,  Hunger Point.

i wish i could be the person i want to be but im too tired

“it’s a funny feeling hard to explain feeling like I don’t deserve to exist don’t deserve to be a part of now everything is good everything is fine but I hate it i hate how it makes me feel”

— t.m.

“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”

—

F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby.

(via theunrequitedlover)

signs that your family is abusive:

•you feel the urge to hide from them whenever you’re vulnerable

•you cannot bear the idea of them seeing you cry

when you’re hurt or in pain, you don’t go to them because you feel they’ll tell you that you deserved it or that it was your fault

•you don’t feel like you can confide in them, either because they don’t seem to care, or try to control how you act, or yell at you and punish you, or use the information against you

•you feel very self-conscious around them and keep expecting criticism and insults

•you can’t tell them about your struggles because you already know they’ll side against you

you keep things in your life secret from them because you have a feeling they would ridicule, humiliate, and judge you if they knew, or take everything away from you

•you feel scared of letting them know when they hurt you

•you feel scared and guilty when you so much as think about them in a bad way

•you feel the urge to remind yourself of all the things they did for you, whenever something bad comes up, to be sure that you’re seeing them the way they want to be seen by you

•you’re scared of being accused of being a burden to them

•you’re scared to hold them responsible for things they did to you, because you know they would argue otherwise, and insist they had full right to do what they did, or that you made it up

•you have the inner sense of dread that nothing you ever do or say will be taken seriously by them, and your life will always look like a joke to them

•you dream of living far away from them and feel guilty for wanting to cut them from your life

•you don’t feel like you’re really important in comparison to them, it feels like it’s better to just step aside and let them be important, your life doesn’t matter as much anyway

•you’re worried about how your every action might affect their life, their reputation and social standing

•you feel that they’re ashamed of you and you’re trying your best not to bring further shame on the family

•you feel like you’ll owe them for the rest of your life and nothing you ever do will be enough to erase the debt, and this fills you with dread and feeling of being trapped.