Im So Scared The Rest Of My Life Is Gonna Feel Like This

Lets talk about how hard it is to open up to someone about being sad for no reason. Lets talk about how hard it is to explain to your friends and family that you have this heavy feeling in your chest for no reason. Lets talk about how hard it is to understand why you’re having a panic attack while just taking a walk back home. Lets talk about how hard it is to understand your own self and how scary it is to feel like the whole world is falling on your shoulders and you have no idea why .

“I smile about you I cry about you I lie about you I’m fine without you I lied that’s not true I’d die without you”

— Gnash, Tell me it’s okay

The depression won today. Staying home from school because it’s too hard to get out of bed. I just woke up and I already know the days going to consist of suicidal thoughts and sleeping the pain away.

Lost

I feel so fucking lost, out of place, as if i do not belong.. i want to run away.

“i walk into the world with a smile to show it’s my greatest mask always hiding behind a laugh but when the conversation turns too close to home i end up empty, hollow afraid that people will know how i feel and who i am”

— t.m.

http://www.personal-quotes.com

I have always, without a doubt, been a strange girl. Noticeable uncomfortable in my own skin, a constant desire to shrink and shift into somebody, something, anything else. Disappearing being the unattainable goal and going unnoticed the runner up prize. Never the life and soul of the party, never invited to the party, never the best friend more so the acquaintance.

Every ounce of kindness I have ever been shown by anybody, I grasp into with both hands and hope so desperately for it not to slip from between my fingers. It never lasts and it never turns out the way I would of hoped.

Every single relationship I have formed with anybody, has been ruined or tainted in a way, through nobodies fault but my own. I am a wrecking ball and I can’t help but destroy and break and ruin. I am alone, so alone and so painfully lonely. Hurting myself doesn’t suffice and thoughts of throwing it all away are a constant.

After all, what’s the point in it anyway?

“Sometimes I contemplate, am I in love with the darkness or perhaps, the darkness is in love with me cause I never asked for all this still this burden came to me…”

— Demon

i hate when people misunderstand my shyness for unfriendliness like no!!! i actually like you! i’m just a piece of shit that can’t communicate