Tswwwit’s Masterlist 2.0

“Shiro. Shiro. Shiro. I have important information. Shiro. Shiro.”

“Yes, Keith. I’m listening.”

Shiro looks at his dumbass little brother patiently, setting down his knitting. Keith is staring at the space slightly to the left of where Shiro is sitting, eyes unfocused. Shiro lets him sit in the silence for a bit, knowing the meds made him a little slow and loopy. He’ll get there.

He can’t tamp down a fond grin. It happens so often it should be boring, now, but loopy Keith will always be funny. It was like every bit of jadedness he’d picked up over the years melted away, leaving only the awkward, loveable dork Shiro knew and loved.

“I have — I have important information,” Keith repeats haltingly.

“I got that, buddy,” Shiro encourages. “Want to share that info? I’m listening.”

Keith hums. He blinks a few times, gaze finally locking onto Shiro’s, who smiles at him.

“It’s — it’s about Lance.”

Shiro fights to keep his smile from getting mischievous, to keep his expression pleasantly neutral. Oh, this was going to be good.

“Yeah, bud? What about him?”

Keith blinks again, his expression grave. “His tongue peeks out a little when he smiles real big, Shiro. A real smile. The one he gets when he talks about his family.” Keith takes great care to enunciate every word, tone completely serious. “That’s — it’s Very Important, Shiro. Okay?”

Look, Shiro’s a disciplined guy. He has a lot of internal strength. Really. But keeping a straight face as his baby brother looks him dead in the face, eyes as serious as a heart attack, and starts talking smush about how much he loves his crush’s smile?

C’mon. Come on. Of course he laughs a little! It would be weird if he didn’t!

“Shiro!” Keith scolds. “I’m serious! It’s important! We have to make sure Lance smiles like that. He gets sad sometimes. We gotta remind him he’s important, so he smiles.”

“You’re so whipped,” Shiro says fondly.

Keith goes back to staring at the wall, just as serious as before.

Shiro wonders if he’s thinking about Lance’s eyes, this time.

It won’t be the first time Shiro heard about them, that’s for damn certain.

———

“I did what.”

Keith’s face is so red that it’s concerning. Or, well, Shiro would be concerned, if he wasn’t so busy losing his shit.

“‘We have to protect his smile, Shiro’,” he mocks between wheezes. Keith wacks him full-force with a pillow.

“Fuck off,” he says hotly. “There’s no way I said that.”

There’s a moment of pained, contemplated horror, before Keith looks at him aghast. “Did I?”

Shiro laughs so hard he goes silent. Keith hits him again, but it’s weaker.

“Oh my god, I did fucking say that. I fucking — oh my god. Oh my god!”

Keith collapses back on his bed. He puts his pillow-weapon over his face and screams. Shiro finally gets ahold of himself, forcing his laughter down. He pats Keith on the shoulder, trying very deeply to be supportive and understanding even though literally all he wants to do is laugh and laugh and laugh.

“There, there,” he says, voice shaking.

Keith removes his pillow just to glare at Shiro. “Fuck off,” he says again, but this time it sounds resolved. “God. Do I — do I like him?”

Shiro blinks. Is he — is he serious? “Are you being deadass with me right now?”

“I mean, I know he’s hot and everything.”

Shiro cannot believe his fucking ears. He feels like that stupid Spider-Man meme. ‘Do you see this shit, Daisy?’ -type beat. Because there’s no fucking way. No fucking way this boy does not know.

“Like I’m attracted to him, sure, who wouldn’t be —”

Holy shit.

“— but, like. I don’t like him, do I?”

Holy shit.

“I mean, he’s my rival! How can I like him?”

Holy shit! Holy motherforking shirtballs! This little dumbass has no idea!

“Like, yeah, sure, he’s occasionally funny, I guess. And I guess he’s kind of sweet — did you know he checks on all of us before bed every night? Yeah! That’s kind of cute. And, god, there’s all those little gifts he makes, and he’s so protective —”

Shiro just stares at Keith with a quiet kind of awe. There’s no way his brother is this much of a dumbass. Is that even possible? For someone so smart to be so fucking dumb?

The sigh Keith lets out can only be described as dreamy. “ — and shit, Shiro, you should see him kick ass in training, he’s been working on this insane triple flip maneuver…”

All of a sudden Keith trails off. For the first time since Lance was brought up (by Keith, Shiro might add), Keith is silent.

“Oh my god,” he says, shooting up straight and looking at Shiro with wide eyes. “Oh my god, Shiro, oh my god. I’m in love with him! Oh my god!”

Because Shiro loves his dumbass little brother, he holds himself back from saying ‘no shit, Sherlock’.

“Congratulations, doofus. You’re officially the last to know.”

Well. He mostly holds himself back.

Kind of.

He holds himself back a little, okay? That counts for something.

Keith gapes at him. “Everyone knows?”

Shiro nods, because even the allies they’ve only met once know.

“How can everyone know? I didn’t even know!”

“Well, you’re kind of oblivious,” Shiro says.

“Hey!”

“Sorry, bud. It’s true. I mean, you didn’t even know you liked Lance until a couple minutes ago.”

“Of course I didn’t! It’s not like it’s obvious!”

Shiro decides it’s in his best interest to keep his mouth shut. Keith tends to get a little stab-y when annoyed. He’s easily provoked, like a particularly skittish kitten.

“Oh my god. Is it obvious? I thought you were exaggerating!”

“Uh, no. Anyone with a basic understanding of human behaviour knows you’re absolutely down bad for Lance, bud.”

Keith makes a kind of squeaking noise, which is hilarious and also makes Shiro wish he had recorded it.

“Holy shit! Does Lance know?”

Shiro can’t quite hide his grimace. “Well, he doesn’t… not know, per se.”

“That’s so embarrassing, god, I am going to eject myself into space —”

“Well, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. Lance likes you, too, so I imagine it all evens out, yeah?”

“Lance fucking likes me?”

Shiro needs some shut-the-fuck-up practice. Seriously. He clears his throat.

“Um, yeah. He regularly complains about you being too chickenshit to ask him out.”

“He regularly — I’m too — if he knew I liked him, how come he didn’t ask me out?”

Shiro shrugs, although he’s pretty damn sure he knows why.

“Maybe you should ask him,” he says.

Keith’s eyes narrow dangerously. “Of course I’m going to talk to him. In fact —”

He throws his legs over the side of the bed with a pained grunt.

“Woah, there, Casanova,” Shiro says, pressing a hand to his shoulder. “Back down you go.”

“Absolutely not, Shiro,” Keith argues as he lies back down, “I need to talk to that dumbass. I need to tell him —”

“And you will have your big gay moment,” Shiro promises. “I’ll send him over, okay? After you nap. No need to rip your stitches.”

“I don’t want to nap,” Keith says petulantly, crossing his arms like a six year old.

Shiro pats his brother’s head as he tucks him in. Shiro can’t help but grin to himself. He remembers doing this for a much younger little kid, half the size but just as grouchy. He pushes Keith’s bangs back, pressing a quick kiss to his forehead. Keith grumbles about germs, but allows it.

“Talk to Lance later. Heal for now. Love you, kiddo.”

Keith rolls his eyes, but the corners of his mouth twitch. “Whatever.”

Shiro shakes his head with a grin, flicking Keith on the nose before heading for the door. Just as he’s closed the lights and steps out into the door frame, Keith stops him.

“Shiro?”

Shiro freezes. Yeah, his voice is a little deeper, a little more grown, but it’s the same little kid who woke him up in the dead of night because he had a nightmare and wanted Shiro to tuck him back in.

“Yeah, Keith?” His voice cracks with emotion, but Keith doesn’t comment on it.

“…Thank you. For staying with me. For, uh, your advice, too, even though it kind of sucked.”

Shiro laughs quietly. “Anytime.”

“And, um. I love you too. Even if you’re a dweeb.”

Shiro smiles so wide his eyes crinkle, and turns back a bit to look at Keith.

“I know, you little goober. I love you too.”

I wanna know where they came from

my favorite quotes

tomarry is when god complex meets saviour complex send post

So fucking true but also it's keith posting it and complaining

I love this so much. I would love the reaction of the justice league if they ever found out the bats' identity.

The Bats all know and have perfected the art of looking positively tastefully slutty

Bruce: the Og dress slutty, wears too tight shirts, unbuttoned dress shirts, tight tight tight pants, low on the hips, show off hip bones, sometimes wears a thong to reveal it gracing his hips

Dick: took his lessons from Bruce, wears very low cut shirts, extraordinarily tight pants to cup his ass just so, knows the perfect angle to lean down next to someone so they not only look down his shirt but also can easily see his ass. Wears dresses when he can, but bruce refuses letting him go out in a maid costume, says its too far(in reality he did it once and alfred was so proud and yet so disapproving and bruce does not want high society to look at his son the way they looked at him when he showed up in a maid outfit because thats his son and who cares that hes an adult no fucking way are they leering at him)

Jason: perfectly styled hair that just tempts people to ruffle it, or already ruffled perfectly fucked to satisfaction hair. Wears suit jackets without shirts, sometimes even wears a bra to perfectly cups his fat chest just right, all the boys have got dat ass, wears tight pants just like his brother and father, also wears shorts that are too tight in the groin and show off his massive thighs, knows the proper way to sit that he shows all of it off, wears his pants low on his hips as well just like his dad. Also wears dresses when he can, is also not permitted to wear a maid or waitress outfit

Tim: is the only one in the family not gifted with an absolute massive ass, but has found ways to show it off but wearing performer tights, doesn't even wear underwear to most social events to really show the definition, wears nice, form fitting shirts that perfectly show off his lithe body, always has a flirty smile pasted on, hair ruffled just so. Actually managed to get out of the house wearing a maid outfit, but bruce caught him before he entered the main room and gave him his jacket.(tim has never seen his father so afraid and so possessive at a gala)

Steph: wears the sluttiest dress she can find, it is her goal to traumatize high society. Low cut dresses, without backs, thin straps that she has bruce and alfred sew because while she wants to flaunt her body in front of the elite she does not want someone to be able to rip the dress off her easily, once wore a dress that was literally two strips of fabric over her chests and between her legs, that was it. If shes not wearing a dress shes wearing a tasteful one piece that has it in all the right places and bedazzles guests only to be purposefully caught making out with a waiter and then telling a reporter that he was the most appealing out of everyone in the room. Right in the face of twenty high elite rich men. (bruce has never been prouder and jason high fived her)

Cass: is the most modest out of everyone in the family, wears dresses that are nice and subtle and that she can still kick ass in, also wears suits but not that often because then all the boys get pouty because she wears it better than them

Babs: doesn't go as extreme as Steph(especially not when her actual father is attending) but does wear skimpy dresses and suits, learned the proper ways to use her body to get what she wants from dick. Traded outfits with dick at a gala once as a challenge to see who could get more numbers, dick won but only by four people

Damian: (aged up, please, hes a minor) when hes older damian follows in his fathers and siblings footsteps, wearing the proper amount of makeup and mascara to bat his eyelashes just so at people, has perfectly the purr of charm from bruce, wears absolutely flawless outfits at all times, smirks but in a charming way, hair has to be styled properly not just for the sex appeal but also because if its not it could kill someone, also rocks the lean down to get someone staring at both his chest and ass

This does A) help with their cover (although bruce has pointed out that nightwing dresses slutty as well so dick might not want to dress that way as dick grayson but dick promptly turned him down, as did most of society and his other children, because “dick grayson is an icon and his body deserves to be seen”- steph) but also B) helps them protect the people working at Galas, so many times has bruce thrown himself in someones lap and pressed his pecs together to draw their eyes away from the poor server man they were trying to grope, Dick has perfected the art of intercepting people trying to dance with waiters and dancing instead(he once pulled out tim’s pole and started pole dancing so the poor girl could get away) steph is absolutely masterful in her bending down and flipping her hair to draw everyone's eyes to her and not to the girl in the corner who just had her shirt ripped off by a drunk sleazeball (bruce himself had to be held back from beating the man into next week, but steph and cass did it for him)

Anyway this was all for gits and shiggles, hope you enjoyed, this is how i imagine the bats dressing at Gala’s to keep up their dumbass fake personas(there are so many better covers but once bruce decided on it everyone fell into line behind him) i added the girls just for funsies because they deserve dressing like it too and yeah. Take all of it or none of it or some of it idc, just don't take it seriously. 🙃

Just found out I was thirsty not by receiving a signal from my body about it but by dozing off and dreaming about cold water from different alluring angles. This is great. I think all my wants and needs should be revealed to me this way