Oh To Walk Barefoot Through The Damp Dirt In The Forest, Following An Almost Human Silhouette Into The

o hey

its been like a whole ass year. Weird. Guess Feb is a rough time when i need to find a place to vent. Huh. Bleh. Cycles

the novelty of having a pet will never wear off on me i’ve had animals my entire life for 23 entire years and i still sometimes stop and go holy fuck there is just a little guy in my house

sometimes i just feel sad and so i must eat rocks and scratch little stars into the sandpaper walls that i live in

happiness kind of feels like an effervescent state of being that is endlessly removed from me

i still have hope though I suppose

the way wilbur says “you look so cute when you’re so angry, if i’m going down, you’re coming with me” IS SO TENDER FOR NO REASON

if you haven’t, i hope you fall in love with life again. i hope you wake up with a happy sigh, hope you feel like doing things you enjoy, hope you are surrounded by people who make you feel safe, hope you smile at yourself in the mirror.

In love with your analysis and it got me thinking of my own. It’s my first so hhh plz be patient with me. Lol So here;

I think that cc!wilbur is setting up a more complicated conflict that involves more than just c!dream. He’s showing us more reactions to c!Wilbur’s change. He showed us c!Tommy who was apprehensive but still cares for him. c!Phil who forgave him entirely and maintains he did nothing really wrong. c!Ranboo who wasn’t affected too much so he gives c!wilbur forgiveness. And now we have cTubbo who forgave c!will but couldn’t trust him to join paradise like Tommy or Ranboo (I give up typing c! it’s all about the characters lol). So following that pattern, i feel like the realization that dream isn’t a good person will come with some others. Which I think are not just around Dream but, Niki, Jack, Quackity, etc. Everyone from or greatly affected by L’Manburg. I think that Revivebur might not receive forgiveness from everyone. I’m excited to see (and a little nervous cuz heh wilbur makes the feels incredibly real.) But the reactions to his change are each incredibly different and I think soon we’re going to see some sharp “fuck no”s to Wilbur asking for forgiveness.

But this begs the question- why is he the only one asking for it?? Why is he the one who everyone blames for L’Manburg’s destruction. Yes Dream has been imprisoned but Techno and Philza also destroyed L’Manburg. A place that was people’s home and not harming anyone. And I’m even more so directing this at the fans of dsmp. I find it incredibly interesting that at the first glance of finding a villain to hate- everyone clung to it. No one views philza or techno in the way they view wilbur. And arguably they did much worse than Wilbur! L’Manburg was rebuilt after Wilbur but there’s hardly any hope for that after Dream, Techno, and Phil blew it up. They’ve received no repercussions while wilbur received one of the worst fates i could imagine. It just doesn’t seem fair. And the thought that Wilbur views that as fair I think could change the more he learns about the past. The more he realizes exactly where he did mess up and does need to take blame- and where he doesn’t. I actually really enjoy the whole chat fuckin constantly saying “manipulation!!” as a meta thing. Because as wrong as they are- they are technically the voices inside Wilbur’s head. The ones constantly hating him and saying he was the villain. Idk just something interesting. (And pretty funny too cuz it couldn’t be intentional lol).

This is why I think that Wilbur isn’t the villain he convinced himself he was. He definitely messed up- that much is clear. And he was punished for it for 13 years!! (A long fucking time to live out your own personal hell). But in spite of that he was not a villain. The people around him were equally to blame for what happened- but he shouldered all of the blame. The line, “what if we’re the bad guys” isn’t just him saying “i’m going to make bad decisions”. It’s him saying that he is already being demonized and has decided that if he can’t stop being thought of as a villain- he’d embrace it. He decided to take the blame. To take all of the responsibility for L’Manburg’s destruction. But now, now it’s becoming clearer and clearer that that blame was horribly misplaced. He made a bad decision. But other characters got off scott free. Phil who wasn’t there for his son or didn’t want to talk him down from the panicked revelation of what he did. Dream who enabled all of Wilbur’s paranoia and fear driven actions. All the people around him saw his descent and pain and did nothing to help. They didn’t know what to do sure, but blaming him for his pain is an incredibly bad idea. And the effects on Wilbur were clear. He went for the bad decisions when he felt he could not ever be seen as anything more than a villain.

I feel like finally I’m understanding a whole lot more about Wilbur. Because beforehand everyone always was going on about how horrible he was but I never saw that?? I was always really confused because he never seemed horrible to me. He seemed sad and scared and angry. Those things don’t make a horrible person. They make a person in need of healing. Ha. Now I’m feeling very vindicated. A part of the theme of Wilbur seems to be, “bad choices do not make bad people”. And i agree. I think that sort of moral is really important for the internet culture too- in a surface way at least. I mean there are so many more layers though so I won’t reduce it to just that.

I’m really interested to see what will happen next because with all these conflicting and interwoven dynamics- the tension and conflict already being so ripe- i can only see this ending in some masterfully awesome way. Heh- leave it to cc!Wilbur to not only create something this rich with potential, but to utilize it in every perfect way.

the thing is like I'm so paranoid that this is all some massive ruse but like- it all lines up? everything wilbur says and does makes sense and is in character and it doesn't look like he's lying,, not in his mannerisms, nor what he's saying.

we knew he cared about l'manburg bc of the stare at the camarvan, we knew he didn't know about doomsday, his guilt over tommy makes sense, his guilt over tubbo makes sense, his nostalgia for l'manburg makes sense, his desire to be trusted makes sense. it all lines up with the reddit post too. it all lines up perfectly for a c!wilbur who's finally letting himself be a bit more honest, but cc!wilbur's also threading in some issues so masterfully.

cc!wilbur is setting up this massive caveat of "c!wilbur is getting better but he still views dream as his hero" and I am so excited to see how his attempt to redeem himself collides with that. he's relying on ranboo for validation, is still struggling with putting himself blocks above others (although he stepped down for tubbo today, which is improvement), the fireworks line was ominous, etc etc. but god does it feel good to be proven right.

everyone should be jealous of me.

i have found starlight and he likes holding me.

(i think) october is going to bring with it the one I’ve been looking for.

This belief has gone very very poorly for me in the past.

I’m glad i don’t seem to learn from my past lol.

(but really he might be coming!!! my dear! i wish to hold him close.)

i hope he comes near.

my head hurts

i hav no motivation

all i wanna do is eat and play minecraft