The Need To Be Seen

Still not over this little stool :3

I like this armor design but that silly branch keeps getting in the way 🙈🥲

Still I love these ☺️

It’s hard to imagine, right, Murphy? x)

Gosh I hate this route… (T__T)

Ok, I don’t hate it but I just can’t.

Somebody help me…

This is a pure torture.

I can’t hear about this bloody wedding anymore.

Let’s just marry all four of them together and I’ll leave for a rehabilitation course for my heart… ❤️‍🩹

I loved reading this so much!
It sounds like you had a strong sense of your character from the start, and I admire that. In my case, she came to life gradually as I played and only later I realized how much the choices I made for her intuitively actually made sense and everything eventually fell into place.

My Tav is cautious and pragmatic too. She helps others when she can, but doesn’t stick her neck out unless there’s a reason. In quests, she’ll often avoid the responsibility for saving someone and making empty promises, but since the party usually heads that way anyway, they often end up helping regardless.

As a half-elf, she’s no stranger to the judgmental stares so it makes sense she’d stay on guard. My second Tav is a wild magic sorcerer and a drow, and the contrast is wild: Minthara was so sweet to her, but with my half-elf, she said something like “Oh, the Absolute is so kind, accepting even someone like you.” 😅 The hag also took jabs at her and Shadowheart for being of mixed blood. But since she grew up in a loving home in multicultural Baldur’s Gate, her outlook stayed open and curious.

Looking back, I think it was a bit out of character for her to accept Astarion’s invitation during the celebration but I was afraid it might lock me out of his route (and with where his approval was, that felt very likely). Besides, all other companions also seek Tav’s company that night, so it can be blamed on the overall euphoric atmosphere of the celebration.

I also get what you said about not connecting with a romance choice right away. My second Tav is trying to get to know Gale and while they have good chemistry, I don’t feel the same emotional roller coaster as I did with Astarion.

And yes, Astarion hardly ever talks about being a vampire - only in context of his condition as a vampire spawn, and always with bitterness. He clearly draws a line:

When you find the boar, he speaks about vampires like they're terrifying monsters, and his eyes say: “Is that how you’ll look at me too?”

When he talks about true vampires, there's no admiration - just revulsion for the “power-hungry beasts”

And when he rejects the idea of becoming a mind flayer, it’s always in terms of not wanting to turn into a monster again. Vampires are monsters to him. He didn’t want to become one and he doesn’t want to go through that again.

That’s why I don’t believe he ever truly wanted to ascend.

And that bear conversation? I only just found it this week while replaying to catch missed scenes, and this conversation is so meaningful and tells so much about Astarion it deserves its own post! You’re so right - he lays out his reasoning for seeking power in black and white: this is the world he knows, the world he has been living in. Either you dominate or be dominated. So in order to survive he has to become so strong that no one can even hurt him again. It’s only sensible.

I had no idea there are differences in the scenes after party depending on if you decided to protector destroy the Grove! Wow! For me it just proves once again that even if he approves some cruel actions on the surface, something doesn’t sit right with him underneath. He doesn’t just want a powerful or “ruthless” ally, he wants safety and a sense of control over his fate. A Tav who casually sides with those who dominate the weak may subconsciously remind him of the one who abused him - and he often compares such characters in the game to Cazador (like the Surgeon or Raphael). And the observation you shared just deepens my belief that he never really thrived on cruelty - he just thought he had to.

So even if approval points are important I also believe that it’s not necessary to follow the “approval point roadmap” exactly - it’s okay if Astarion disapproves when you decide to help someone out. He’ll notice kindness and feel real connection and that’s what matters the most. It also makes him so real too.

Starting from friendship is beautiful and probably exactly what he needs most. It feels closer to real life, too. It definitely felt too early for a romance to start in Act 1 but… I think what we have there is only an illusion of it, and the actual romance starts in Act 2 after Astarion’s confession. Then it becomes real.

Thanks again for your insights! I’ll definitely check out your posts. Glad we could connect! ✨

The Truth Behind the Mask

(1/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])

Even before I played, I kept stumbling upon Astarion fanart and memes that made me assume he was just some overrated character who was only popular because of his flirty, sassy attitude (I’m so sorry Q^Q). That’s why I didn’t have the best first impression even before I started.

And even in-game, when you first meet him, Astarion seems like a shallow, selfish and flirty guy - someone who doesn’t really care what others think and just follows his whims.

Couldn’t be further from the truth!

From what I’ve seen in some discussions on social media, though, a lot of players still hold that first impression - even after completing his route. I’ve even seen people call him a red flag, label him evil or say they were disappointed in general.

Also, I feel like most guides (at least the ones I’ve come across) simplify his character too much - mainly focusing on which choices will gain his approval or disapproval. Maybe that’s to avoid spoilers, but still. There are definitely other players who see the deeper layers too - so this is just my way of sharing my personal journey of discovering the real Astarion.

So, how did that first impression start to unravel? When checking with the guide and watching his reactions and body language, I started thinking about why the approval/disapproval tips work.

How Approval Looks on the Surface

Let’s look at some general tips for gaining Astarion’s approval points: 

choosing evil replies/actions 

seeking power 

siding with evil characters 

deceiving your opponents  

supporting his desires  

being understanding and accepting towards him 

(bonus one, haven’t seen guides mention this) sarcastic replies  

And disapproval points: 

making pompous heroic statements (like “Worry not! I shall save everyone!”) 

helping the weak 

being open about your party's situation (tadpoles)

being judgmental or unsupportive towards him  

naive/goodie-two-shoes responses  

In most cases, it is explained by his natural inclination towards evil forces and power, making Astarion seem like a self-centred and power-hungry vampire who might, with Tav’s influence, turn to become a bit of a better person. Or not. 

But while it’s technically true that those actions affect his approval, there’s much more nuance to why Astarion reacts the way he does - especially in the early stages.

So what's really going on?

The first contradiction that made me feel confused about the reasons for Astarion’s reactions was how nice Tav is being to him (of course, if you chose good replies during their interactions) – a person who is mean to everyone else would be just as mean to Astarion. It didn’t make sense to me; a kind and understanding Tav would fit much better in the story.  

So what is going on there? Why does Astarion need a kind and gentle Tav who is cold and dismissive to the rest of the world?

Because he is terrified.  

When we first meet our pale elf, he has just escaped (as in been kidnapped) from 200 years of slavery, humiliation and torture where his wellbeing completely depended on Cazador’s whims and every mistake meant punishment. Of course he’s paranoid. Of course he’s always calculating risk. 

It’s not about Tav’s choices being good or evil, it’s about their possible consequences for Astarion. He doesn’t want Tav to be evil, he just wants to feel safe. That’s all.  

Let’s Look at That List Again

So let’s look at his approval/disapproval list again: 

refusing to help someone - approve! we don’t want to risk 

seeking power - yes, please! power means safety!

siding up with evil characters - they are strong, so why not use this to our benefit? 

deceiving your opponents - we didn’t even have to fight and got want we wanted? don’t see a problem  

supporting his desires - maybe this time, I won’t have to fight for what I want

being understanding and accepting towards him - finally someone doesn't treat me as a monster

sarcasm - humor is our everything, especially when there’s nothing else left 

On the other hand:

making pompous heroic statements - you are saying these cringe things with a straight face AND putting us in danger? hard nope! 

helping the weak - no one helped me, why should we bother 

disclosing truth about their situation - have you heard about caution?!  

being judgmental or unsupportive towards him - no thanks, had enough of that

naive/goodie-two-shoes responses - are we going to be fine with a leader like that?..  

What Kind of Tav Does He Need?

Astarion isn’t looking for an "evil" Tav - he’s looking for safety. Well, technically, he isn’t looking for anyone at all. But the kind of Tav he opens up to tends to be:

pragmatic, cautious and clever

emotionally intelligent

non-judgmental

strong enough to lead and survive

That’s why he feels comfortable with a Tav who might choose to be distant toward strangers but treats him with consistent care. In this context it’s not suspicious, it’s sensible. He doesn’t expect help from the world, and he respects those who understand that reality. In a hostile world, survival is more likely in a group, so he clings to the party and tries to secure his place using the only tools he knows: charm, wit and usefulness. And a part of that strategy, making sure the leader favors him and he won’t be cast aside, leads to his initial approaches for Tav. But we’ll get into that more in another post.

So if Tav shows kindness to him? That’s exactly what he’s aiming for. And it doesn’t even matter that much if they still go out of their way to help others - because if the care they show him feels real, that already shifts something deep inside. That already gives him a reason to start hoping that this might be real.

The Mask

So there’s the charm, the flirtation, the flair for drama. Some players may read that as shallow or even foolish. But it’s not. It’s a mask - one he’s worn so well and for so long that it feels real. It’s what kept him alive under Cazador for the last 200 years.

But if you keep going, if you give him time and space to feel safe, you start to see it slip. The closer Tav gets to him, the more glimpses we get of his real self - thoughtful and warm, wary and sharp, sometimes silly and awkward, and, beneath it all, deeply hurt. And if you stay with him through to the end, when he finally feels safe enough to stop performing, his whole demeanor changes. He’s calmer. More grounded. Still witty - but in a different way.

Still Astarion. Just more himself.

<next part>

<back to masterpost>

🌿 Meet my Tav 🌿

First step into my BG3 journey: meet Roanael!

half-elf druid | sage background | neutral good

Wild shape enthusiast, book lover, wise leader with a fierce heart 🦊✨

Stats:

Strength 10

Dexterity 14

Constitution 14

Intelligence 8

Wisdom 17

Charisma 15

Personality:

Cautious, observant, strong-willed, caring, witty, gentle presence, independent, weakness for children and animals

Values:

Kindness, patience, freedom of choice, protecting others, survival, trust, intuition, loyalty

👥 Born in Baldur’s Gate to a human druid and a wood elf mother, Roanael has always lived between two worlds - the restless energy of the city and the quiet pull of the wilds. She never fully belonged to either, but maybe that’s why she learned to stand steady on her own. This duality became her strength: thoughtful, patient and observant, she learned to find her own path, blending curiosity with an unwavering spirit!

📚 Never taught by any circle, she learned her way from books and nature, making her quite an open-minded druid who trusts her heart more than any teachings. Growing up in a multicultural place like Baldur’s Gate only supported her non-intrusive character as in letting everyone choose their way as long as it doesn’t cross boundaries.

🍃 Roanael is the kind of person who listens first, speaks second. She's cautious but never cold, brave but not reckless. Her journey began simply: survive, protect her companions, find a cure for the tadpole threatening them all. She wasn’t searching for anything more, be it glory or love.

🌙 But fate had other plans when she met a certain pale elf with a sharp tongue, a wounded soul and a spark of something she couldn’t turn away from.

🧡 When you meet her, she might seem reserved. But if you stay long enough, you'll see it: the fierce loyalty, the witty humor, the warmth she keeps tucked away under the guarded exterior.

About her name: I was completely unfamiliar with the world and had no idea what to expect, so without thinking much about it, I simply chose a name I usually use in all games for my female characters - Roanne. While it isn’t unusual for a half-elf to have a human sounding name it felt a bit weird as it didn’t properly separate her from my other game characters and I decided to give her a different name: after giving it a lot of thought I settled down on Roanael - which is basically the original one with some elven twist added to it.

(P.S. If you’re curious about Roanael’s family I have shared a little more about them here!)

Interesting theory!

What do you think, Harry?

Ok, I guess we don’t spend enough money on gems and now we need wardrobe too, guys…

Alright~ meet my MC who now has a physical appearance. Yay, I guess 🤷‍♀️

I’d actually appreciate more if they allowed to unmatch characters for their counterparts ^^;

I like Holly Black’s «The Folk of the Air» book series and there something Cardan once said to Jude that was carved into my memory, even though I couldn’t fully understand the meaning:

“By you, I am forever undone.”

But now, after getting to know Astarion, I think I am starting to understand.

Maybe it’s kind of love that feels like a wave washed over everything inside you, leaving no place untouched, changing you the way you’ll never be the same again. And how when you look at that person there is nothing about them that lefts you indifferent - every time you look at them you feel something in you falling apart, but in the best possible way.

Finding good angles is so difficult there but it’s still so fun~