Curate, connect, and discover
(12/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
Trigger warning: Spawn route / Ascension reflection
The Rite of Profane Ascension is the culmination of The Pale Elf’s story - everything has been building toward this: the fear, the shame, the survival instincts, the longing to be seen, the need to finally break free. It’s the most dangerous moment for Astarion - the fork in the road that will change everything.
We’ve already talked about how much Astarion longs to be truly seen. That’s why it hurts so deeply when he isn’t. When Tav misreads him - sees only the seducer, the witty, wicked vampire spawn - it encourages him to stay inside that mask. And he will, because that’s how he survived for two hundred years. But if Tav reaches gently toward what’s underneath, if they speak to the heart of him… he starts to hope: “Could there really be another way?”
The desire to be seen for more than he was made to be is so strong in him that it feels like he is constantly unconsciously searching for it. Not just admired or desired but truly known - it is woven into everything he does. But the tragedy is, the version of himself that he crafted to survive - charming, flirtatious, in control - is so convincing that even he sometimes believes that’s all he has to be. No wonder many players assume Ascension is what Astarion really wants.
That’s why the ritual is so dangerous. It is the ultimate temptation that seemingly can make all his fears disappear, promising eternal power. But it doesn’t free him. It traps him even deeper. Because it is the culmination of Cazador's legacy that he taught him: that power is everything, that it gives you the right to take and abuse, that to be weak is to be worthless and hurt, that vulnerability is pathetic. There is no place for kindness or love in this world.
If Tav helps him to go through with the ritual, it might seem like they’re validating his choice. But what it tells him is: you, as you are - frightened, hurt, still healing but craving connection - are not enough. That the only version of him others can value is the cold, invulnerable one.
It confirms his worst fear, so he clings to it harder.
That’s why, for me, Ascension isn’t Astarion’s "true self." It’s his trauma self - the final mask locked in place by a diabolical ritual, that becomes his new self forever. It's not freedom - it’s losing. Losing to fear. Losing to Cazador’s values. Losing the hope that was beginning to bloom.
But if Tav sees past those layers of defences and stops him - gently, lovingly - it’s not about forcing him to be "good." It’s about saying: I see you. And you're enough, just as you are. You don't need this to be free, to be loved.
That’s why it’s so moving when Tav instead gently reminds him that there is another way, reflecting his humanity back to him. In that route, Astarion finally allows himself to believe he’s more than what Cazador made him: not because he takes power, but because he rejects it and breaks that cycle.
When Astarion walks away from the Rite, it’s not weakness. It’s the first step toward becoming someone he never thought he could be - not a tool, not a monster, not someone else's shadow, but someone who can start discovering his real self. It’s a newfound freedom that finally allows him to start living again.
I want to say something about the Ascended route, too. I haven’t played it myself, only read and watched some bits of it - and maybe I might talk about it more later. But I’ll share just this for now.
For me, Ascension is a very sad and lonely choice for Astaion. By that, he forever separates himself from everyone else, from any genuine connection he could have had with the rest of the world.
Yes, Ascended Astarion still “cares” about Tav - they are still important to him. Maybe the most important person in his world, because he is not likely to let anyone in anymore. But it's not the same - not without that warmth, not when he owns them now. He puts them in the position he once fought so desperately to escape - completely dependent on someone else’s power. He might still be kind. But they are not equals. And I can’t help but wonder how long that kindness would last.
Yes, he can walk in the sun. He can taste food, enjoy luxuries. But without healing, those things are hollow. How long until the joy of novelty wears off? Until the hunger for power inside grows stronger again, forever insatiable? Until it can't satisfy him anymore, and he turns toward the one who cannot leave or say no? Love is not control.
So, for me, persuading Astarion to give up that idea is not forcing him against his nature - it's reminding him of it. Tav cares about him and doesn't want him to corner himself in a choice he might regret later. It's not about moralizing or controlling his choices, but about wanting him to be happy in the long run. If Astarion had made a decision in anger or desperation, its result would have haunted him forever.
That’s why I don’t even like calling it the “Spawn ending.” To me, it’s simply Astarion’s ending. The one where he can finally become who he truly is. Himself.
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(9/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
Maybe it’s just my headcanon, but I like to think there’s another side to Astarion, one he tries to hide: the part of him that genuinely likes children.
Of course, I haven't played his Origin run yet, so this is just the feeling I had during my first playthrough.
Take Arabella, the tiefling girl who stole the idol from the druids to stop the ritual. Astarion was all grumpy about getting involved, but there was something like admiration in his tone, even then. And later, when we ran into her again in the Shadow-Cursed Lands, he actually sounded excited to see her: “Oh, you’re that little idol thief!” - he said it almost with a kind of fond recognition. When we found her again in the Baldur’s Gate sewers, surrounded by corpses, listening to the Weave, Astarion whispered her name so quietly, like he was truly worried.
Then there was Yenna, the girl in Rivington whose mother disappeared. When we gave her some gold to buy food, Astarion didn’t say anything, but quietly approved along with the other companions. Later, when she turned up at camp asking to stay, he teased her, but it sounded more playful than mean. And when Orin kidnapped her, he was visibly shaken. He insisted we go after her and grew defensive about it, muttering that too many children had gone missing lately, and it had to stop.
For me, it’s one of those signs that no matter how much he tries to appear cold or indifferent, that’s not who he really is. There’s always been a warm heart under all that cruelty he was forced to learn.
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(7/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
(This part is less about analysis and more about how I personally approached this moment in my game, and the reasoning behind the choices I made. It isn't the only way, of course, but it felt right for Astarion and my Tav and the dynamic between them.)
There’s a moment when Cazador’s other vampire spawn appear, trying to capture Astarion and drag him back so their master can perform the Rite. They believe they’ll get to ascend too - but we know Cazador was lying.
At this stage in the story, Astarion still wants to perform the ritual himself - he doesn’t even want to hear anything against it. So when the spawns appear, he starts lying to them - saying that if they help him, they’ll get their revenge and live on, fully knowing the Rite would require their deaths.
There are two dialogue options Tav can choose in this moment:
(Persuasion) “Have you no heart, Astarion? You’re asking them to die for you.”
(Deception) “He’s free of Cazador’s command. You should follow him. He’ll save you.”
In theory, the first seems like the “right” option for a morally good Tav. But I didn’t like it - not here, not like this. It sounded too much like calling Astarion out in front of everyone, even after promising to support him. And sure enough, choosing that line raises approval with other companions… but lowers it with Astarion. He replies bitterly: “Don't look at me like that, I can't be who you want to see in me.”
We know he can, but he just doesn’t know that yet! And he is not ready either. Which is actually fair, because even though he's so sweet deep inside, he never hid from Tav how his own well-being was always a priority for him, from the beginning of their travel, and that he wanted to perform a ritual for himself.
(Isn’t it amazing how much he trusts them, never hiding his intentions and plans from Tav - when we clearly see that even the rest of their party disapprove?)
It's not even the first time Tav heard about his intentions, so bringing it up now feels less like a heartfelt plea and more like a tactical move to stop him - a betrayal, in his eyes, especially coming from someone he trusted. Which could be valid for a lawful good Tav, but it would also mean sacrificing the trust and understanding between them (not in the game, of course, you will just get a disapproval, but realistically it wouldn't pass without consequences).
I felt like discussing it and sharing your opinion was fairer to Astarion, that's why I went with the second option. Almost every other companion disapproved, but for me, that was the moment Tav showed they truly accepted Astarion as he was - in that moment. Not the person they hoped he would become. Just as he is.
So for me, it wasn't about deceiving the spawns, but about showing that Tav truly is on his side, without pushing him into something he wasn’t ready for yet. They don't try to fix or change Astarion - they are just there, grounding and patient, gently nudging him towards the light and believing in him. Respecting his autonomy and reminding him that there is more to him than survival instincts and revenge. Because Astarion can be a person who chooses kindness, but he needs to come to this realization himself.
Later, after the fight is over, you can have a private conversation. This is the time when he can feel safe and listen without being defensive. And Tav can softly raise that question: "Are you ready to sacrifice them?"
And now, indeed, Astarion is open to discuss it. He shrugs his shoulders, brushing it off - they are just vampire slaves. We talked about this in my previous post. He can’t put himself on the same level with them, it is too much: he is afraid to feel helpless again and he has to dehumanize them to be able to proceed with the rite.
When Tav asks if he doesn’t sympathize with those who share his plight, Astarion says that no one ever looked out for him. "You're the only one. Other people don't have a heart like you. You are you. No one is like that."
At first, for me, it sounded unrelated to the question. But it all kind of falls into place now. He is defensive here - probably because he understands how wrong it would be to sacrifice them. But he can't let himself think about it. He chooses to ignore the voice of sense, the voice of Tav advising him against the rite. He shuts himself down because he needs to do it - it promises everything he craved. Safety, freedom, perfect revenge. So he throws at Tav excuses, an attempt to justify and explain why:
This is the world he lives in. This is how things work. How he spent two centuries. What Cazador inflicted on him - be strong or be nothing. The one in power has the right to decide.
And Tav is an exception. A miracle, maybe. Something that wasn't supposed to happen but somehow did. But it doesn't change the rules.
When Tav says that the world can be kinder or that there will be others who care about him - approval rises even though he does not believe in it yet. But maybe he wants to.
It is a great detail how Astarion keeps saying this is also for Tav’s sake - while he is still desperately trying to grab at something that can guarantee his freedom. This might be just another excuse he is making to justify his ways, but for me, it does show the shift in him: Astarion is moving from a priority on self-preservation towards opening up to protecting someone else he cares about.
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(6/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
One of Astarion’s deepest longings, woven through all his fears and defenses, is the need to be seen. Not as a monster. Not as a tool. Not as an object of desire. Just seen. As he is.
And when he finally meets someone who is patient, kind and genuinely trying to understand him, he takes a leap of faith and begins to unravel - step by step - hoping that they’ll stay. Isn’t that incredibly brave?
The mirror scene, his confession - another subtle way of revealing the weakness and asking: “Will you still stay if I’m a mess?” “If I don’t shine and sparkle, will I still matter to you?”
He is afraid that if they see all the wounds and weaknesses behind, they will turn away and leave. Maybe that’s why he decides to find out - better sooner than later.
It is really amazing how vulnerable Astarion is with Tav and many signs are showing that it is limited to them only: for example, when you test your love in the Circus he gets anxious and irritated if you share to much of his personal information, like "yeah, true but not in front of a random stranger!"
And his vulnerability seems reserved only for Tav (I haven't played as Durge yet). In the Circus test, for example, if you reveal too much about him, he immediately gets irritated - "Yes, that’s true, but not in front of a random stranger!"
There are dialogues in the early game when Astarion openly shares facts about his past, but he does it with a challenging attitude, like, "yeah, it was like that, so what you gonna do about it?" - almost like testing Tav's limits. "Will they still keep being kind to me if they know this? What about now?" - actually, that's what children with a traumatic background often do; they tend to misbehave and push boundaries to see if that adult really is safe or they can hurt them if provoked. (Maybe adults might react similarly, too, but personally, I am only familiar with this trauma response in children.)
Even in early dialogues, when he shares pieces of his past, he often does so with a defiant tone. “Yes, it was like that - what of it?” Like he’s daring Tav to flinch. "Will they still be kind to me if they know this? What about now?" It reminds me of how some children with trauma test the adults around them, pushing limits to see if someone is truly safe.
Astarion’s longing to be seen also reveals another fear: being seen as less than he pretends to be. All the performance - the charm, the wit, the sensuality - is his armour hiding underneath someone who has been terrified and out of control for two hundred years. And if someone notices that, he might find himself abandoned or fallen into the hands of those in power yet again.
And this is why, I believe, he seems to look down on those he perceives as weak: those in need and suffering. Even others who share his fate as vampire spawn. Because looking at them is like looking in a mirror he can’t bear. He is afraid to see himself in them, to feel less again, feel powerless. And that others will see him that way, too. That Tav will see him that way.
And if he sees himself in them, he risks crumbling. So the mask stays on. That resentment of perceived weakness isn’t about cruelty - it’s fear in disguise, desperate denial of his past victimhood. Because if he lets himself empathize, even a little, the dam might break. Then he’s no longer the charming predator, no longer in control. He’s the boy on the floor of Cazador’s dungeon again. And he can’t let that happen.
And that’s probably what happened when he met his siblings - other six vampire spawns (and other victims in the dungeon later). Before, Astarion had brushed off Tav’s concerns about facing them and his past again, but he didn’t take it well in the end - he couldn’t put himself on the same level with them, it was too much to bear, so he just put another wall between them instead.
But even if he starts distancing himself, obsessed with the Rite, the longing remains. And if Tav keeps reaching, gently, patiently, he still hears them. Because deep down in his heart, like a guiding star, these words live:
"I can be better than him."
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(4/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
Honestly, it was a bit heartbreaking to see those early moments in the game when Astarion interacts with someone he perceives as powerful or authoritative - like when he asks Tav for blood or later when he approaches Raphael about the scars on his back. He usually puts up that charming, confident mask, but it drops quickly when he's faced with a powerful figure. His whole behavior shifts into more ingratiating - you can see him bracing himself for a punishment.
The way he interacts with authority figures says a lot. That shift from displayed confidence to careful submissiveness highlights the deep-seated fear and survival instinct still living in him. Astarion’s relationship with power is complicated: when you’ve spent two centuries with it used against you, it becomes something you both fear and long for in equal measure. He expects power to be used against him, he fears what those in power can do to him. So when he seeks power it’s not just out of ambition or greed, it’s a way to protect himself from ever being made helpless again.
It makes his relationship with Tav all the more meaningful - because over time he stops needing that mask around them. He starts to learn that he doesn't have to beg, flatter or manipulate to be safe with them.
This is what makes the scene with Araj so important.
Araj treats Astarion like Tav's property - something to trade, to use for her own fun and pleasure. But Tav can choose to deny that and protect Astarion's right to refuse. And later in camp, Astarion thanks Tav for that choice. Clearly emotional, he confesses that no one has ever respected his boundaries before, that he is not used to having the right to listen to his own feelings… but with Tav, he wants to try.
It's a moment that says so much about how vulnerable he is underneath his defenses - how uneasy he feels when pressured or objectified, and how difficult it still is for him to stand up for himself after centuries of being denied autonomy.
It also shows the difference between Tav offering their blood willingly, and a stranger forcing themselves onto him for their own interests. Astarion responds to one with surprised gratitude - and to the other with clear discomfort. It does matter to him how he's seen - as a person or a tool. He longs to be seen for who he is, not what he was made to be. Even when he himself can't always see the difference yet.
One of the most painful moments between Astarion and Tav happens if they fail to truly see him and push him into something he's not ready for, insisting that he just needs to learn to enjoy it. Even if he hesitates, even if he looks uncomfortable, he still agrees because he doesn't know how to say no yet. And he has to learn it the hard way, when afterwards something in him breaks. He looks at Tav and says: "This is all a game to you, isn't it? No matter what I say, it doesn't matter. Not if you get what you want." He admits he couldn't say no before, but now he finally can, and he ends everything between them. It's not a moment of growth, but rather a moment of retreat - shutting down when his hopes of having something genuine were crushed by the very person who ever seemed to care.
Moments like this show how much Astarion is still learning about himself, about trust, about what it means to be free. And how big is Tav's role in that.
We'll come back to that need to be seen later - but for now, it leads us to another significant moment between Tav and the pale elf, one that deserves a post of its own.
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(3/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
Astarion is unexpectedly very honest. You can easily tell when the mask drops - when he’s vulnerable, flustered or confused. He never really hides it from Tav, or at least doesn’t try too hard. It’s always close to the surface.
Even during the vampirism reveal, it felt like Astarion was being too clumsy, almost like he wanted to be caught to see how Tav would react. After that night, he never woke them up again when feeding anymore - don't you think that’s a little suspicious? This similar approach shows up again later in the mirror scene, but I’ll save that for another post.
Well, it is just a theory. But this is part of why I can’t really blame him for trying to get what he needed and slip away. Another reason is that, for usually cautious Astarion, being so desperate most likely meant he reached a point where his blood craving became too unbearable. Maybe he hoped to blame it on some hypothetical vampire lurking nearby (after all, they did find that drained boar)… but he goes for Tav no matter if they've seen the boar or not.
What makes this moment so important is that it gives us the choice to let him drink freely, by our own will, just because he needs it. (It actually reminded me of giving Gale those artefacts to consume - and remember how touched and grateful he was for such trust?)
And of course, this is when the famous "This is a gift, you know" line appears, too. And the fact that he repeated exactly the same words again after such a life-turning event as defeating Cazador only shows just how much this moment meant for Astarion.
There are so many layers to this simple act of sharing your blood: The first time breaking Cazador’s rules. The first time tasting blood from a "thinking creature". The first time being accepted after revealing himself. And all of this with the one person he’s slowly beginning to care about, for the first time.
What I loved is that this might be the moment Astarion saw something different in Tav. I think, at best, he just hoped they wouldn't cast him out. He even admits he would’ve told them he was a vampire earlier if he'd known how open-minded they'd be. But instead, they said yes - without fear or disgust. Like it was nothing. But to him, it was everything.
I only discovered this cutscene on a replay, but I think it fits nicely here.
There's a moment not long after that night, where Astarion cheerfully invites Tav to speculate about how their companions' blood might taste - completely theoretically, of course. Personally, I don't mind that kind of talk and even enjoy such thought experiments, but I know it's not everyone's cup of tea.
What's interesting is that Astarion supports any answer you give - unless you shut the conversation down entirely. To me, that says he's just excited to finally have someone to talk with, someone who doesn't judge and maybe even shares his curiosity. Isn't that something we all crave in our own way? I can't help but find it cute!
Same with the scene where he celebrates the bear victory - he rushes to share it with Tav, fully trusting that he can express himself without facing mockery or disgust.
They've got their own little blood club now :]
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(2/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
In my first playthrough, I was worried that if we slept too often, we would all turn into mind flayers, so I went through the Saving the Grove quest almost without resting in camp. Unfortunately, that meant I missed some of the early interactions with companions, including Astarion. That’s also why, when my Tav spent the celebration night with him, she still had no idea he was a vampire.
Honestly… I actually prefer that. It makes the story flow more naturally, in a way. But as with most things in BG3, it works either way.
Why I loved it, though, because it made so much sense for Astarion to want Tav to start getting attached before revealing what he truly is - a vampire spawn. It also meant that the morning conversation was the one where he told more about himself and his past and the conversation felt less rushed and more genuine. But maybe it is my nostalgia speaking.
One of the first proper camp dialogues with Astarion happens when he admits Tav is more impressive than he initially thought and says he'd like to keep seeing them as an ally (the Stars cutscene). As always, he's surprisingly honest - so much so that I doubt it can be considered a manipulation.
But this is also where he begins putting his famous "simple plan" into motion: seducing Tav to ensure his own safety. As we established earlier (see Part 1), his main goal is security. So now that he's confident Tav is strong and useful, he starts using the tools he knows best - suggestive charm and witty jokes.
This eventually leads to him inviting Tav to spend time together during the celebration night at camp (or even earlier, depending on approval). That's where the romance seems to begin… or so we think.
Even if Tav is already smitten, from Astarion’s side this is manipulation - at least on the surface. You can clearly see and hear how different his behavior is during these moments: too smooth, too controlled. Not like the moments when he's genuine and real - when rough, unkempt words come spilling out of him freely, with wide gestures or a calm, serious demeanor.
Still, even though he later admits that he was trying to make Tav an ally so they wouldn't turn on him, I do believe that even then, he'd already started to care a little, especially depending on the following nuance.
If this conversation happens at the celebration party, approval doesn't actually need to be very high. His motivation there is more about survival after he confirmed once again that it would be better to have Tav on his side. But if you do raise his approval high enough in Act 1, you might get that flirty conversation even earlier - and it runs differently, too. He admits he’s starting to like "the whole package," and says he wants to reward Tav for sharing their blood with him. Not just complaining about boredom and bad wine anymore, huh?
So maybe his motivations start to shift, even just slightly. He might genuinely want to keep Tav near in the only way he knows: giving them what he thinks they want. It can still be part of his strategy, but there's something more complicated beginning to form underneath.
There’s one thing I now feel a little uneasy about. When Astarion first flirts and invites Tav to spend time with him during the party, I chose the dialogue where my Tav teases him a little - she makes him say "please" before agreeing. And when he does, she calls him a "good boy." He actually approves of that line and seems a bit (pleasantly?) surprised that Tav can be so sassy. It felt playful and bold at the time, and I remember how I was like: “Oh! He likes that??”
But after learning about his past… it feels different. Because this was how he survived. His body, his charm - these were tools he had to use. And now it's not just that Tav flirted - it's that she made him beg for it, in a sense, while Astarion was trying to keep himself safe. This thought feels pretty awful.
Still, I try to comfort myself with a few points:
We had no idea at the time!
He did approve of it!
Maybe it showed that Tav wasn't desperate for his body - it was more about their interaction. It felt like she was genuinely enjoying the banter, not just trying to sleep with him.
So… maybe it’s not that bad (^^;)
To be honest, back then I was still skeptical about Astarion as a love interest. I knew he was a popular character, and I thought he was a bit overrated - mainly because all the media glimpses I'd seen of him were about his very sexualized image. But something about him piqued my curiosity.
By the time he started flirting with Tav, I was already like: "Nooo, stawp~ …nevermind, keep going." Kind of not admitting I was interested even to myself - but still feeling giddy when believing he was "interested" in my Tav. (Which… wasn’t quite true, as we know now.)
But then came the moment after their first night together - my Tav noticed his scars. I expected him to deflect or change the subject, but instead he told her. Honestly and openly. That he was a slave. That his old master left those marks.
That was the moment I felt something shift, noticed his depth. And from there, I really wanted to get to know him better.
(*cough* And that's how my obsession started *cough*)
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(1/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
Even before I played, I kept stumbling upon Astarion fanart and memes that made me assume he was just some overrated character who was only popular because of his flirty, sassy attitude (I’m so sorry Q^Q). That’s why I didn’t have the best first impression even before I started.
And even in-game, when you first meet him, Astarion seems like a shallow, selfish and flirty guy - someone who doesn’t really care what others think and just follows his whims.
Couldn’t be further from the truth!
From what I’ve seen in some discussions on social media, though, a lot of players still hold that first impression - even after completing his route. I’ve even seen people call him a red flag, label him evil or say they were disappointed in general.
Also, I feel like most guides (at least the ones I’ve come across) simplify his character too much - mainly focusing on which choices will gain his approval or disapproval. Maybe that’s to avoid spoilers, but still. There are definitely other players who see the deeper layers too - so this is just my way of sharing my personal journey of discovering the real Astarion.
So, how did that first impression start to unravel? When checking with the guide and watching his reactions and body language, I started thinking about why the approval/disapproval tips work.
Let’s look at some general tips for gaining Astarion’s approval points:
choosing evil replies/actions
seeking power
siding with evil characters
deceiving your opponents
supporting his desires
being understanding and accepting towards him
(bonus one, haven’t seen guides mention this) sarcastic replies
And disapproval points:
making pompous heroic statements (like “Worry not! I shall save everyone!”)
helping the weak
being open about your party's situation (tadpoles)
being judgmental or unsupportive towards him
naive/goodie-two-shoes responses
In most cases, it is explained by his natural inclination towards evil forces and power, making Astarion seem like a self-centred and power-hungry vampire who might, with Tav’s influence, turn to become a bit of a better person. Or not.
But while it’s technically true that those actions affect his approval, there’s much more nuance to why Astarion reacts the way he does - especially in the early stages.
The first contradiction that made me feel confused about the reasons for Astarion’s reactions was how nice Tav is being to him (of course, if you chose good replies during their interactions) – a person who is mean to everyone else would be just as mean to Astarion. It didn’t make sense to me; a kind and understanding Tav would fit much better in the story.
So what is going on there? Why does Astarion need a kind and gentle Tav who is cold and dismissive to the rest of the world?
Because he is terrified.
When we first meet our pale elf, he has just escaped (as in been kidnapped) from 200 years of slavery, humiliation and torture where his wellbeing completely depended on Cazador’s whims and every mistake meant punishment. Of course he’s paranoid. Of course he’s always calculating risk.
It’s not about Tav’s choices being good or evil, it’s about their possible consequences for Astarion. He doesn’t want Tav to be evil, he just wants to feel safe. That’s all.
So let’s look at his approval/disapproval list again:
refusing to help someone - approve! we don’t want to risk
seeking power - yes, please! power means safety!
siding up with evil characters - they are strong, so why not use this to our benefit?
deceiving your opponents - we didn’t even have to fight and got want we wanted? don’t see a problem
supporting his desires - maybe this time, I won’t have to fight for what I want
being understanding and accepting towards him - finally someone doesn't treat me as a monster
sarcasm - humor is our everything, especially when there’s nothing else left
On the other hand:
making pompous heroic statements - you are saying these cringe things with a straight face AND putting us in danger? hard nope!
helping the weak - no one helped me, why should we bother
disclosing truth about their situation - have you heard about caution?!
being judgmental or unsupportive towards him - no thanks, had enough of that
naive/goodie-two-shoes responses - are we going to be fine with a leader like that?..
Astarion isn’t looking for an "evil" Tav - he’s looking for safety. Well, technically, he isn’t looking for anyone at all. But the kind of Tav he opens up to tends to be:
pragmatic, cautious and clever
emotionally intelligent
non-judgmental
strong enough to lead and survive
That’s why he feels comfortable with a Tav who might choose to be distant toward strangers but treats him with consistent care. In this context it’s not suspicious, it’s sensible. He doesn’t expect help from the world, and he respects those who understand that reality. In a hostile world, survival is more likely in a group, so he clings to the party and tries to secure his place using the only tools he knows: charm, wit and usefulness. And a part of that strategy, making sure the leader favors him and he won’t be cast aside, leads to his initial approaches for Tav. But we’ll get into that more in another post.
So if Tav shows kindness to him? That’s exactly what he’s aiming for. And it doesn’t even matter that much if they still go out of their way to help others - because if the care they show him feels real, that already shifts something deep inside. That already gives him a reason to start hoping that this might be real.
So there’s the charm, the flirtation, the flair for drama. Some players may read that as shallow or even foolish. But it’s not. It’s a mask - one he’s worn so well and for so long that it feels real. It’s what kept him alive under Cazador for the last 200 years.
But if you keep going, if you give him time and space to feel safe, you start to see it slip. The closer Tav gets to him, the more glimpses we get of his real self - thoughtful and warm, wary and sharp, sometimes silly and awkward, and, beneath it all, deeply hurt. And if you stay with him through to the end, when he finally feels safe enough to stop performing, his whole demeanor changes. He’s calmer. More grounded. Still witty - but in a different way.
Still Astarion. Just more himself.
<next part>
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