I Was Just Thinking How Interesting It Is That, As Someone Who’s Very Likely Demi, I Didn’t Find

Ruoqiang adventures

*!novel spoilers!*

Yan Wushi:

you’re so beautiful, the kindest person in the whole world, please let me cherish and adore you for the rest of my life

Shen Qiao:

*cold sweat*

what’s wrong with him??

~~~~~

Yan Wushi:

*makes sarcastic remarks, blackmails Chen Gong, gets what he wanted, abandons everyone in a difficult situation and leaves without saying goodbye*

Murong Qin:

are you happy now?!

Shen Qiao:

*relieved*

oh, he feels better

Did you notice? They share the same voice actor!

CV: Wu Lei

To my defense, I really tried to reduce the amount of screenshots, but I absolutely need you to see all of these! The point will follow.

Just look at this soft boy! I can't! (๑>◡<๑)💕

Ahem. Now to the point… 👉🏻👈🏻

I keep thinking about these early camp scenes with Astarion – and I still can’t get over how much warmth he already shows from the very beginning.

I don’t know how anyone can call this man weak when he’s endured such horrors and came out deeply scarred, but never broken. For two centuries, Cazador did everything in his power to crush him – and failed.

And then, on the very first night, just after he escaped (with the help of the Nautilouid, of course), Astarion is already reaching out – so sweet and sincere, sharing his thoughts, offering to take the watch, wishing you sweet dreams. It’s not a performance. He’s genuinely excited. Giddy, almost!

The contrast with Gale struck me recently. During his first night in camp, he’s already carrying so much – he’s been prepared to die soon, and now he’s stuck with yet another dangerous condition. It’s overwhelming.

To be honest, during my second playthrough when I romanced Gale, I missed that early scene. I remembered him as cheerful and chatty in Act 1, so seeing that moment afterward gave me a deeper understanding of how low he actually felt in the beginning. It’s the connection with others, with Tav, that pulls him back to the light.

But Astarion? He’s glowing that night. He’s finally free, and that feeling is so vast not even any fear about the tadpole can spoil it. He’ll worry about that tomorrow. But right now, he’s just... here. And free.

There’s no seduction yet. No manipulation. Just a raw and honest joy, and a warmth that’s easy to miss but unforgettable once you’ve seen it.

Astarion’s resilience is something incredible.

He hasn’t given up – not on himself, not on the world.

He has the strongest love of life. He wants to live, no matter what.

And no matter what life throws at him, he doesn’t let it break him – he immediately stands into the position, ready to strike, to fight till the last beat – with this fierce determination to insist on being there.

And even after everything, he still chooses to connect. He still cares. If you meet him with patience and sincerity, he readily lets you in – and that trust feels like the most meaningful gift.

His light was dimmed – but it never stopped shining.

Not in Cazador’s dungeon, not ever.

Finding good angles is so difficult there but it’s still so fun~

Love how this one turned out 🌖✨

On a search for most romantic places in the city because I have already finished this campaign and the only saves I have are either here on in the Astral Prism

Best quidditch team (๑>◡<๑) 💕

The Need to be Seen

(6/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])

One of Astarion’s deepest longings, woven through all his fears and defenses, is the need to be seen. Not as a monster. Not as a tool. Not as an object of desire. Just seen. As he is.

And when he finally meets someone who is patient, kind and genuinely trying to understand him, he takes a leap of faith and begins to unravel - step by step - hoping that they’ll stay. Isn’t that incredibly brave?

The mirror scene, his confession - another subtle way of revealing the weakness and asking: “Will you still stay if I’m a mess?” “If I don’t shine and sparkle, will I still matter to you?”

He is afraid that if they see all the wounds and weaknesses behind, they will turn away and leave. Maybe that’s why he decides to find out - better sooner than later. 

It is really amazing how vulnerable Astarion is with Tav and many signs are showing that it is limited to them only: for example, when you test your love in the Circus he gets anxious and irritated if you share to much of his personal information, like "yeah, true but not in front of a random stranger!"

And his vulnerability seems reserved only for Tav (I haven't played as Durge yet). In the Circus test, for example, if you reveal too much about him, he immediately gets irritated - "Yes, that’s true, but not in front of a random stranger!"

There are dialogues in the early game when Astarion openly shares facts about his past, but he does it with a challenging attitude, like, "yeah, it was like that, so what you gonna do about it?" - almost like testing Tav's limits. "Will they still keep being kind to me if they know this? What about now?" - actually, that's what children with a traumatic background often do; they tend to misbehave and push boundaries to see if that adult really is safe or they can hurt them if provoked. (Maybe adults might react similarly, too, but personally, I am only familiar with this trauma response in children.)

Even in early dialogues, when he shares pieces of his past, he often does so with a defiant tone. “Yes, it was like that - what of it?” Like he’s daring Tav to flinch. "Will they still be kind to me if they know this? What about now?" It reminds me of how some children with trauma test the adults around them, pushing limits to see if someone is truly safe.

Astarion’s longing to be seen also reveals another fear: being seen as less than he pretends to be. All the performance - the charm, the wit, the sensuality - is his armour hiding underneath someone who has been terrified and out of control for two hundred years. And if someone notices that, he might find himself abandoned or fallen into the hands of those in power yet again.

And this is why, I believe, he seems to look down on those he perceives as weak: those in need and suffering. Even others who share his fate as vampire spawn. Because looking at them is like looking in a mirror he can’t bear. He is afraid to see himself in them, to feel less again, feel powerless. And that others will see him that way, too. That Tav will see him that way.

And if he sees himself in them, he risks crumbling. So the mask stays on. That resentment of perceived weakness isn’t about cruelty - it’s fear in disguise, desperate denial of his past victimhood. Because if he lets himself empathize, even a little, the dam might break. Then he’s no longer the charming predator, no longer in control. He’s the boy on the floor of Cazador’s dungeon again. And he can’t let that happen.

And that’s probably what happened when he met his siblings - other six vampire spawns (and other victims in the dungeon later). Before, Astarion had brushed off Tav’s concerns about facing them and his past again, but he didn’t take it well in the end - he couldn’t put himself on the same level with them, it was too much to bear, so he just put another wall between them instead.

But even if he starts distancing himself, obsessed with the Rite, the longing remains. And if Tav keeps reaching, gently, patiently, he still hears them. Because deep down in his heart, like a guiding star, these words live:

"I can be better than him."

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Shadowheart: Given our group’s nature, I don’t see much harm. We are each monsters in the making, after all.

Astarion: No, I won’t kill them! Well, maybe Shadowheart…

Coincidence?.. 🫢

Just my Tav and Astarion enjoying a peaceful moment in Baldur’s Gate park (someone’s private park but let’s not bring it up 🙈)

My PC wallpapers now✨