i cannot really handle birds or fish as pets anymore because i have seen the dead forms of both and they haunt me so closely and i do not need that on my conscience
i also wish humans did not care so much for intimacy because i hate to see anything around me die and i think a cat or a puppy or a lover would hurt the most and i already know i would not survive it
uneasy
# those adults that were like second parents for you and cared and loved you like so. suddenly you grew away from their eyes and they cant grasp that youre 19 and no longer 11 but they still understand you more than anyone else
seeing people from your childhood that knew you before you knew yourself is nostalgic but it kills you when you realize they dont know you now
the worst kind of pain is when you realize you never got to give them the spotify playlist you made for them
finding old accounts is like finding proof u really did exist two years ago which is like yeah i know i did but that me from two years ago was me and i was her and that makes it so disgustingly weird yet endearing yet everything wrong with the world because i hate to be perceived and who else to judge u harder than ur future self who is wiser (slightly) and knows more (not really)? so i feel a little sick but also, she was such a silly girl. just a silly lost sad angry girl
I gotta say lesbianism is my own personality trait im exactly what the stereotype says
"It was a long time ago. It doesn't matter anymore, And yet I cannot let it go. I cannot let it ago."
— Sylvia Plath, from a letter to Ruth Tiffanny
i feel so so so horrible